April 2008 Archives
“Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
someone else, and not your own lips.”
—Proverbs 27:2
I find that my children often point out the good that they do.
While I do thank them at that point and express how their good blessed me, what
words should I use to make sure they do not crave the praise of man? Something
to the effect of..."Yes, I am so blessed by your cleaning up without being
told, but even more, Your Father in heaven is pleased at what you have done.
Seek His praise instead of mine." Do you have any suggestions?
Good question! You’re on the right track with your concern. It is true that we want our children to please God instead of man, but the parent child relationship requires special handling. Let’s look at a couple of principles to hold in balance when we think about this goal.
Praise be to the LORD
God, the God of Israel
who alone does marvelous deeds. Psalm 72:18
No offense intended to the author of this
blog entry, or for the one who asked the initial question, but, if Christians
are so dead set against bullying, harassment, etc., then why do you constantly
promote it towards GLBT kids? If you are so dead set against bullying, harassment,
etc., against people per se, then why don't you come out against those who are
doing the bullying, etc..., instead of joining in? The National Day of Silence
is helping to promote peace between people who otherwise couldn't or wouldn't
agree on anything. If Christians want respect, then they need to show it first.
Thank you, Kyle - 19, Pennsylania
We received an interesting response to the post regarding
the National Day of Silence. His comment and question appear above.
Thank you, Kyle, for commenting. First of all, I want to re-emphasize
what was said in my post regarding violence and unkind treatment of others. It is wrong to be hateful, to mock and hurt
others, regardless of their sexual persuasions. Such behavior is simply not an
option for Christians who represent Christ.
20 My son, keep your
father's commands
and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
21 Bind them upon your
heart forever;
fasten them around your neck.
22 When you walk, they
will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
23 For these commands are
a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and the corrections of discipline
are the way to life,
24 keeping you from the
immoral woman,
from the smooth tongue of the wayward
wife.
As we finish this series of posts on Proverbs 6, I want to
focus again on verse 22. In the last post I linked to the Rebelution website authored by Alex and Brett Harris,
two teenagers who demonstrate the active presence of the Word that verse 22
talks about. They have written a book, titled Do Hard Things; Tim Challies has written a review
of the book. This book is helpful for both teenagers and parents. The Harris brothers are convinced that the
expectations we have for what teenagers can accomplish is too low. The negative
consequence of setting low expectations is low performance. In other words, if
you don’t expect much, you won’t get much. I agree.
22 When you walk, they
will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
23 For these
commands are a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and the corrections of discipline
are the way to life… Proverbs 6:22&23
These verses envision a dynamic relationship between the word of God and young people. God’s truth should resonate in the lives of teenagers. The word is living and active. One example of what this could look like in today’s youth is displayed in the lives of Alex and Brett Harris. They are the authors of the website and blog The Rebelution. It is encouraging to see teenagers motivated to do hard things for the glory of God. What Alex and Brett have done shows that teenagers can make a difference. Why not take a look at what they have accomplished?
19 Now the works of the flesh are evident:
sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry,
sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions,
divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like
these… Galatians 5:19-21
1 And you were dead in
the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of
this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is
now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the
passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and
were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. Ephesians 2:1-3
Let’s consider one basic question regarding the issue of
protecting our children from the entrapment of the world: Why?
As in Why do they want to sin? Why can’t they see that it is more blessed
to give than to receive? Why can’t they see that they don’t always have to be
first? Why can’t teenagers see that sexual sin is wrong, always wrong? Why
can’t they see that parents must be obeyed? The answer, of course, should not really
be a mystery.
20 My son, keep your father's commands
and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
21 Bind them upon your
heart forever;
fasten them around your neck.
22 When you walk, they
will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over
you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
23 For these commands are
a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and the corrections of discipline
are the way to life,
24 keeping you from
the immoral woman,
from the smooth tongue of the wayward
wife. Proverbs 6:20-24
The last post focused on the danger of communication
breakdowns between parents and their teenagers. When communication with parents
fails, teenagers lose a significant weapon in their battle with the world. The
words underlined in the text above could all be translated guard according to Waltke’s commentary. Notice that the initiative
here is with the child. The father is urging that his son follow his direction.
But the protection will come as the son actively participates in guarding his
heart. This is the same sense as Proverbs 4:23 where the son is told, “Above all else guard your heart.” The
connection with the instruction given to younger children must not be missed.
20 My son, keep your father's commands
and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
21 Bind
them upon your heart forever;
fasten them around your neck.
22 When
you walk, they will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
We will be
looking at Proverbs 6:20-24 in the next few posts. In this post we will look
particularly at verse 22. This verse talks about the intimate activity of the Word
being in the hearts of our children. This is another way to state the truth of
Psalm 119:11: I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. This
verse is the best summary I know of the goal of biblical childrearing. It ties
closely with Paul’s call in Colossians 3:16 to have the word of Christ dwelling
richly within.
Dan has just posted the following comment about today’s
post, Young
Children, Teenagers & the National Day of Silence.
You say in
your post, "These topics are difficult to talk to adults about, let alone
middle school age children. Yet this is exactly what parents, church leaders
and teachers must do if we are to prepare our children for the world they will
enter." Why IS IT that these things
are difficult to talk about? I have some of my own ideas from my personal
experience, but would appreciate your insight.
Dan asks,”Why is it
difficult to talk about areas of sexual sin?” Let me suggest at least one
reason for the difficulty, along with a suggestion for overcoming it. The reason
is that it should never be pleasant to talk about things which enslave and
bring condemnation upon so many. These types of sexual sins are indeed an affront
to God and to his people. They are from the darkness and carry the aroma of
death and hell with them. These counterfeit pleasures attempt to draw people
deeper into pain and enslavement. They are attacks on the marriage bed. There
is a sense that we should naturally, as Christians with new hearts, shrink back
from the face of darkness.
20 My son,
keep your father's commands
and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
21 Bind
them upon your heart forever;
fasten them around your neck.
22 When
you walk, they will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
23 For
these commands are a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and the corrections of discipline
are the way to life,
24
keeping you from the immoral woman,
from the smooth tongue of the wayward
wife.
In the last
post we talked about the upcoming National
Day of Silence. This event is sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Educational Network (GLSEN). You can check
out the last post for details. In short this group is targeting middle and high
schools across the United States in an effort to increase tolerance for those who have unbiblical sexual practices and desires. These topics are
difficult to talk to adults about, let alone middle school age children. Yet
this is exactly what parents, church leaders and teachers must do if we are to
prepare our children for the world they will enter.
Do not be yoked
together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in
common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? II Corinthians
6:14
Caleb Land posted this comment with regard to a question
that he had that had not been directly addressed in the blog. Thank you, Caleb,
for posting this question! I also encourage others of you to comment about
issues that have not been directly addressed in the blog, but that you would
like to see addressed.
These commandments
that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your
children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the
road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7
As a follow up to the post on April 8, Don Fields made the
following comment.
Good
stuff. I think most parents would read this and think, "Impossible.
Unrealistic. You're dreaming." They have no foundation for this type of
conversation with their children. They might even laugh at this conversation
and think it is unnecessary or extreme. Where do you start with parents so that
they not only see this kind of instruction as possible but absolutely
necessary?
Don, your comment reminded me of a question that I asked
Tedd Tripp over 30 years ago. I had just witnessed a conversation between Tedd
and one of his children, who was about three at the time. The dialog between
father and child was similar to the exchange you referenced in the post.
I remember saying to Tedd in a tone of amazement and incredulity, “You can’t
talk like that to children.” He looked at me and smiled knowingly and said, “I
just did.” To which I eloquently replied, “I know, but you can’t talk like that
to children.” He said, “Jay, let me tell you about Deuteronomy 6.…”
Hear, O Israel: the LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and
with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give
you today are to be upon your hearts. — Deuteronomy 6:4-6
And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God
ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him,
to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to
observe the LORD's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own
good? — Deuteronomy 10:12-13
"Teacher, which
is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the
Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40All the Law and the
Prophets hang on these two commandments." — Matthew 22:36-40
“Whatever you do, work
at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men….” — Colossians
3:23
I ended the last post this way:
However, inconsistency is the
handmaiden of behavior-focused parenting. This is why you must always look
beyond the behavior of the moment. If the focus is simply on changing behavior
then your parenting will be uneven. Children will not be taught to carry over
concepts learned in discipline to anything other than the exact same behavior
situation. Consider the following
scenario:
Jeremy, you have 5 minutes to
play with the toy truck and then Sean may have his turn. You must be fair and
make sure you both have equal time with the truck. This way you can both be
happy.
This direction misses the heart entirely. It actually paves the way for
the sort of thinking that says premarital sex is okay, but adultery is wrong. Give
some thought to this example.
“Marriage should be
honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the
adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrew 13:4
In the last post we looked at a USA Today article regarding the way that Americans view sin. The
article contained a survey listing various activities and the percentage of
Americans who thought these activities were sin. Eighty-one percent of those
surveyed thought that adultery was a sin. However, only 45% of this same group
thought that having sex before marriage was a sin. This difference says much
about how our culture uses the Bible to determine what is sin. The actual title
of the article in USA Today is “Has the
notion of sin been lost?” Sin is a notion? Translation – the Bible is not
connected to the cultural concept of sin.
The fear of the LORD leads to
life:
Then one rests content, untouched by trouble. —Proverbs 19:23
The fool says in his heart,
"There is no God." —Psalm
14:1
Note: a number of blogs and web sites have commented on this study. It is important for parents to understand the movement
of our culture towards a relativistic view of sin.
USA Today, on March 19th,
reported on the state of sin in America.
In an article titled “Has the notion of sin been lost?” the Nations’ Newspaper explores what people
think about sin. The article highlights a study done by Ellison Research about
sin. For purposes of the study, sin is defined as “something that is almost
always considered wrong, particularly from a religious or moral
perspective." We will examine this definition in a moment. First, here are
some acts that Americans classify as sin. Next to each “sin” is the percentage
of those surveyed who agreed that the action really is sin.
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