October 2008 Archives

All the peoples of the earth
       are regarded as nothing.
       He does as he pleases
       with the powers of heaven
       and the peoples of the earth.
       No one can hold back his hand
       or say to him: "What have you done?" Daniel 4:35

Nebuchadnezzar spoke these words after he had experienced God’s humbling power in his life. He thought he was in control, but as this verse shows, it is God who does as he pleases.

As we enter the last weekend before the presidential election, uncertainty and worry hang like thick, low clouds over the political landscape of America.   Parents, it is important that your children see in our attitude and demeanor a quiet confidence that embraces God’s plan to bring good to his people.

After the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, God specifically chose four political leaders to ensure that the new church would flourish and spread trough out the known world. These leaders were God’s choice to bring God’s people to rely on God alone for wisdom and care. Their names were Tiberius, Caligula, Claudius and Nero. They served the purposes of God while they thought they were serving their own agendas. 

This weekend, remember a little history so that you may encourage your children. God is determined to bring about the events of human history which will cause his church to value Jesus Christ above all that this world has to offer.  No election, regardless of its outcome, can change this blessed and powerful reality.

When a king's face brightens, it means life;
      his favor is like a rain cloud in spring. Proverbs 16:15

Thanks to Omar for sending in the following question:

What advice do you have in helping a two year old to view discipline as "an adornment" and not merely as correcting bad behavior?

This refers to a post from last January. One purpose of the blog is to provide an archive of topics and issues that will be a practical resource for families. Your comments and questions are always welcome.

Omar, this is a good question. First, your own countenance matters. You must believe that your child is being adorned by your words and discipline. Proverbs 16:15 teaches that the countenance of the one in authority has an impact on those under authority. This is especially true for children. When you discipline your children you are giving them the most precious of gifts. You are pointing them to Christ! Numerous passages teach the truths found in Ephesians 2:1-4. Children are born enemies of God and do things according to their flesh rather than according to the Spirit. Confrontation, then, is a normal, inevitable part of raising children. If you approach this confrontation with a resigned, discouraged or sad spirit, your children will notice, even your toddlers. If, however, you approach discipline with a joyful spirit, confident that confronting their sin can be used by God to bring them to faith in Christ, you have taken the first step towards adornment. I am not saying that you approach discipline with glee--but there should be a spirit of joy and gratitude to God that you can bring his truth and reconciliation to your children.

Second, your words must be words of hope and encouragement. Think of Proverbs 16 as the leadership chapter. Verses 20-24 of this chapter teach that "pleasant words promote instruction." (For more on the power of pleasant words see the appropriate chapters in Instructing a Child's Heart and in Everyday Talk.) It is easy to think that pleasant words and the rod are antithetical. However, just the opposite is true. Raised voices, angry words and scowling faces are poor substitutes for the combination of pleasant words and the rod. This is what Proverbs 13:24 teaches:
 

    He who spares the rod hates his son,
            but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Notice in this passage that the rod is administered with care and love. If you find yourself being angry, speaking harshly to your children, or even snapping at them, you prove the point of this passage. Love is not conveyed by this kind of language and attitude. Discipline should always be administered with great care and forethought. You know your children's tendencies and patterns. You know the areas where they need discipline and loving correction. Knee-jerk responses and exasperated tones are not the discipline envisioned by this verse or the ones in Proverbs 16:20-24. Discipline must follow God's example and attitude. Proverbs 3:11&12 teaches that "the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." This same truth is taught in Hebrews 12:5-11 and in Revelation 3:19. Godly discipline comes from a spirit of delight and love. Bruce Waltke's translation of Proverbs 13:24 brings this to light:
 

   The one who holds back his rod is one who hates his son,
        But the one who loves him seeks him diligently with discipline.

Seeking a child diligently with discipline is a breathtaking concept. So often discipline is seen as a tool of last resort, to be used only after cajoling, pleading, bartering, coaxing, and other such attempts have failed. Finally, in exasperation , some form of discipline is used. This will not lead to the adornment of children. This point is especially important for two year olds and toddlers. These young children may not understand all the fine points that lead to their discipline, but they for sure will understand that an exasperated, frustrated, scowling parent is not good.  For all children, but especially with young ones, it is important that discipline be undertaken with forethought and care. Thus, pleasant words spoken in an even, loving tone, accompanying the rod when it is necessary, is also essential for discipline that adorns. 

Third, praying with your child when you are in the discipline process marks the time as special. Praying for God's mercy to fall upon your child through your discipline provides a significant attitude check for you as a parent. Discipline is not about making your life easier as a parent--it is presenting the gospel grace of Christ to your children.

A young child can be driven away from God's discipline by a scowling countenance, harsh, angry words, and discipline that is delivered as retribution for bad behavior. Or, conversely, a young child can be adorned by a concerned, loving countenance, pleasant, even words, and targeted discipline that is framed with prayer and love. For young children, this means your discipline must not be reactive but well thought out. One way to be prepared is to be talking with your children about why you apply discipline and when you will discipline. You must let them know in advance that this discipline is an indication of your love for them and is based upon God's direction to them. Another part of this preparation is having passages ready to give to your children that specifically illustrate God's direction. For example, Philippians 2:14-16 is a passage that you can begin using with toddlers and continue to build upon through out the teenage years. Initially, you would teach just verse 14, do everything without complaining or arguing. Then, as your children grow older, you can add the powerful motivation of shining like stars in this dark world so that God is honored.

Omar, let me know if this is helpful. This is a point of vital concern for all who desire to shepherd the hearts of their children towards Christ.

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? —Luke 12:22-26

 God is our refuge and strength,
       an ever-present help in trouble.
 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
       and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
 though its waters roar and foam
       and the mountains quake with their surging. —Psalm 46:1-3

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." —James 4:13-15

Here is a great comment and question from Michelle.  Her comment is a reminder that your comments and questions are welcomed here at the Shepherd Press Blog. Your input can directly impact the issues we address. So, thank you Michelle for sharing this with us!

Do you have an opinion on sharing with young children some of the uncertainty? I actually am thinking of an uncertain six-month trip to Iraq for my husband. On one hand, I see it as an opportunity to show them how we are learning to wait on the Lord, but on the other, it seems better to wait until we know for sure. But if that's the case, then why share some of the financial uncertainty with our children? (I remember asking a teacher for work one time because I misunderstood our family need, so I'm thinking of that possibility.)

Protecting our children is an unquestioned obligation of being a faithful parent.  However, we must be careful to follow God’s instruction about what to protect them from.  As in any other area of life, “natural inclinations” are not always safe guides in knowing how to protect our children.  Certain things are obvious: hot stoves, busy streets, harsh weather, dangerous terrain, etc.  But, then there is the false notion that children can be protected from every danger and uncertainty of life. That simply is not true. There is too much uncertainty in life, too much which is beyond our control.  Many parents are tempted to worry about all of the things from which we cannot protect our children.  

You cannot protect your children from life itself.  The storms in Matthew 7 come to the wise and the unwise alike.  Until we go to be with Christ, sin and uncertainty will be a part of life.  The question of judgment that Michelle raises fits into this discussion. Do you want children to worry needlessly? Of course not.  But neither do you want to give them the false impression that unexpected, painful things will not happen.  They will.  So, it is possible that attempting to protect children from unnecessary worry can result in giving the false impression that unexpected bad things will never happen.

In Michelle’s comment she raises the issue that her husband may be sent to Iraq for six months.  For young children,  and for Mom, having Dad gone for a long period of time is not pleasant.   Is it helpful to tell her children that Dad may be gone when they are not sure?

The passages listed at the top of the post give three biblical principles which I believe offer some help in answering this question.

The first principle, from Luke 12, is that worry doesn’t help and can lead to a lack of stability.

The second principle, from Psalm 46, is that God’s care is certain. He is a refuge, especially when difficult things happen.  The psalm assumes that hard things will happen and that God is a refuge of strength when they do occur.

The third principle, from James 4, is that we must be conscious that things happen because of God’s will.  We must not be presumptuous to the point of thinking that something will happen just because we plan it.

By putting these three principles together, we have a good response to Michelle’s comment.  Deployment is part of being in the military. Deployment is also under the control and wisdom of God. This is something that young children should be told about their dad’s current employment status. But—and this is the crucial point—regardless of the job Dad has, there is no guarantee that he will be doing the same thing six months from now. Any number of things could happen that would change where Dad is working.
Tell your children what is certain and uncertain in life. The model from James 4 is a good one. If you faithfully tell your children that your plans will happen if God wills them to, you will help them to order their own priorities. In Michelle’s situation, she might say that Lord willing, Dad will be with us next spring.  However, it is possible, because of his job in the military, he might be somewhere else if God wills.   And in reality, this is always the way it is in life.  We don’t know what tomorrow will bring for either parent, but God does. While situations are uncertain, God’s care is not.  This is a valuable lesson for young children.

Michelle, let me know if this addresses your concerns. Thanks again for being a valuable reader and commenter to this blog!

Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me."
 Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?"   Then he said to them,

"Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.  Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:13-15, 32-34

In the last post we noted how Paul taught in I Timothy 6 that wealth is uncertain. As a matter of fact, wealth is so uncertain and unstable that it cannot provide hope. Contemplate this biblical reality – wealth is incapable of providing hope because it is uncertain. Wow! This is a thought that is contrary to our world. Why is there such intense concern about the upheavals in the financial markets? Simply put, because people have placed their hopes in the wealth that these markets measure. When the markets fall significantly, worry also increases significantly. People are worried about their wealth because their hope for a secure tomorrow is tied to wealth, however little or great that wealth may be.

Financial markets are adult things. But worry about possessions in not the exclusive territory of adults. Children are concerned about possessions early in the game. Give one young child a matchbox car and give his brother two of them. I can safely predict that the boy with one car will not respond with joy that his brother has more matchbox cars than he does. So, how do you avoid the upset—give them each the same number of cars? While this may avoid a temporary clash, it fails to address a deeper issue. Life does not consist in the abundance of possessions. Yet, these two boys are very aware of the abundance of their possessions. I can hear someone saying, yeah, but you are talking about Matchbox cars, not 401K’s.  Yes, I am.  However, just try making that distinction with a 4–year-old!

You see, you may be careful to buy your children’s toys at yard sales where the latest and greatest toy can be had for a dollar instead $29.99. But to your child, it is still another possession. Toys are cool, but they are not the source of comfort and certainty. What is certain in life must flow from relationships, not possessions or situations. When Jesus says to sell your possessions he is not advocating self-imposed poverty. He is drawing a sharp contrast between the man who demanded his share of the inheritance and one who knows where true certainty lies. The one whose hope lies in financial instruments has the same quality of security as the one whose hope lies in the number of matchbox cars he owns. Wealth of any sort is uncertain. That is what you must teach your children. Certainty flows from your relationship with someone who has the ability to keep a commitment. Only God delivers this kind of certainty. You can count on God to be faithful in his relationship with you. This is the certainty that you must show to your children. God alone possesses and gives true wealth. This world can only offer purses that will wear out. But God offers true riches.

It is a good thing to plan for the future and to make investments as wisely as possible. Just remember that these investments are about as certain as next week’s weather forecast. The upheaval in the markets vividly illustrates Paul’s point to Timothy – do not place your hope in wealth and possessions. Help your children to value instead their relationships with you, their family, and God. Use this to teach about God and true riches. Relationships that your children form now, with God and others, have the capacity to last into eternity. This is life that is truly life!

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. I Timothy 6:17

Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15

Some of you may remember the post from last May about “God and gas prices.” Now, six months later, the price for a barrel of oil has dropped to below $70 for the first time in fourteen months. The price for gasoline is once again below $3 per gallon in many areas of the country. Last spring folks were worried about how to pay for gas; now that oil has dropped over 50% in value from its high this summer, that worry seems a distant memory. But in the meantime, something else also dropped in value: the world’s financial markets.

So now there are bigger worries—or are there? Watching the markets go up and down is a little bit like watching your kids on a see-saw. Our western culture has trusted the conventional wisdom of this world. We have been told security rests in financial well being, in the American Dream. But God has much to say about the wealth of this world, and it is a different wisdom than the world’s wisdom. It is important that you, as parents, view wealth and the acquisition of wealth from a biblical perspective.
God has particular advice for those who are rich in this world. Currently, there is much debate about who is rich. Are you rich if you earn more than $250,000 a year? Are you rich if your net worth is more than 5 million dollars? Are you rich if you have a roof that does not leak and food to eat for the next meal? Are you rich if you have hot, running water? Are you rich if you have more roots to eat than your neighbor? ”Rich” depends a little upon whom you are talking to. But regardless, Paul says to Timothy to tell those who are rich, whatever that may mean, not to put their hope in wealth. This means that whether you are Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Joe the Plumber, or a tribal herdsman—you are not to hope in wealth. Wealth is uncertain. Really? Yes, really. The focus of this world is to urge people to trust in things which are uncertain.

Christian, has God’s faithfulness to you and your family changed in any way in the last several months? God’s care for you is certain. The riches of this world are not. While trillions of dollars may have disappeared in the markets, God care is constant. This financial downturn may result in lost homes, lost jobs and lost savings. This brings difficult challenges. But these sorts of downturns are to be expected from wealth. This is what Paul is saying to Timothy. Jesus taught the same thing in the Luke passage listed above. Life does not consist in the abundance of possessions. Of course you should work and plan for the future and attempt to make wise investments. But through all of this, you must remember that wealth is not something to build your hope upon, for it is uncertain.

What is certain is the care of God. Circumstances will change. God will not. Think about these things with your children. Help them to focus on what is certain in life, so that they will not trust in wealth, which is not certain at all. More on this in the next post. Let me know your thoughts.

I know that the LORD is great,
    that our Lord is greater than all gods.

 The LORD does whatever pleases him,
    in the heavens and on the earth,
    in the seas and all their depths. Psalm 135:5&6

The last two weeks have seen wild swings in the financial markets; unsettled, even panicked, responses from government leaders; and anxiety regarding personal finances. As far as the public media is concerned, uncertainty rules. What’s next? The media answer is that no one knows. The Bible’s answer is that God knows. Nothing that has happened these last few weeks with the global financial markets has been a surprise to God. The God of the Bible does not take coffee breaks. As Psalm 135 says, God does what pleases him. As with the floods, earthquakes and storms of the past year, the financial tumult is a reminder that God and not man is in control.

Many have placed their trust in monetary investments. For years advertisements have urged people to invest in order to have a financially secure future. Now, many of these investments have been significantly eroded, if not washed away altogether. So what do you tell your children about the economic confusion and growing anxiety? The place to start is the unchangeable goodness of God to his people. Psalm 135:14-18 has some interesting comments about where people place their trust.

14 For the LORD will vindicate his people
    and have compassion on his servants.

 15 The idols of the nations are silver and gold,
    made by the hands of men.

 16 They have mouths, but cannot speak,
    eyes, but they cannot see;

 17 they have ears, but cannot hear,
    nor is there breath in their mouths.

 18 Those who make them will be like them,
    and so will all who trust in them.

God will vindicate his people; he will have compassion for those who love him.  The financial instrubments of Wall Street are incapable of compassion.  Ultimately, they can bring no more comfort than the idols of silver and gold referenced in Psalm 135. Financial investments have become idols to many. These investments have no life of their own. They promise security, but they cannot provide hope. These financial investments claim to offer the fulfillment of dreams, yet they could not see the abrupt crash of these last weeks. These financial instruments are incapable of bringing hope and stability. As we have seen, the hope they offer can be gone in one day’s trading. There is a chilling warning in the 18^th verse of this psalm. Trusting in these financial idols will leave you speechless. I realize the idols talked about in this psalm are the gods of the nations in Bible times. But in the 21^st century these financial idols have taken the place of the Baals and Ishtars.

So what do you tell your children about the turmoil? You tell them what this psalm teaches about God. You proclaim to them that God is great! This is the one true constant in life. The stock market will ebb and flow. But God, whose word is worth more than thousands of pieces of silver and gold, remains constant and unmoved by the worries of men and markets. Do not let your mood mirror the roller coaster charts of the markets. You know that your God is great. This is a time to be thankful for true riches.  

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 ESV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV

A dialog is a conversation.  Your goal for communication with your teenagers is to see grace-giving dialogs become a normal part of life. In this series we have looked at some of the hindrances that produce monologs. Typically a silent, withdrawn teenager is not in a good situation.  Let’s look carefully at Ephesians 4:29 and see what it says about promoting dialog.

The verse begins with a directive – let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. I have included two translations to show the richness of this passage.   The Greek word translated corrupting in the ESV is also translated unwholesome and rotten in other translations.  This word does not paint an inviting picture. To understand exactly what Paul has in mind we must look at the context of the whole verse. Paul isn’t just warning against profanity here. Talk that is corrupting is talk that does not fit the occasion. It is talk that is not suited to the need of the moment. Notice also that Paul uses two absolute directives. The first is to let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. The second one is to use only words that build up, that are helpful. The fact that these two absolute directives follow one right after the other is also instructive. This challenging verse is designed to drive Christians to Christ. We can understand absolute directives that teach we should never steal or never commit adultery.  But the force of this verse is increased by its scope and subject. Paul is saying that you must only use language builds up your listener. If you do not, your speech will be rotten—corrupting in its very nature. While the intent of the verse is obvious, it is also disarming. Clearly, without the power of the Spirit we have no hope of obeying this double-edged directive.  

One additional thought about corrupting speech. Words that are unhelpful and lack grace are also words that stay in the mind of the hearer.  They continue to corrupt. Perhaps you can recall words said years ago, in anger or without sensitivity. These words continue to corrupt long after the speaker has forgotten that he spoke them.

The immediate larger context of this verse begins in verse 17 of chapter 4. Paul insists that Christians no longer walk (or, live) like the world around them. This is accomplished by putting off the old self and putting on the new self (vv. 22-24).  Talking like the world means that your speech is not designed to build up and give grace. The world’s speech is manipulative in nature:  how can I get what I desire from my listener? The speech of the new self is designed to understand the specific situation of your listener and then to provide gracious help that is exactly what they need. Too many words spoken to teenagers are a drive-by delivery. Little thought is given to how your words will be received. Drive-by directives destroy opportunities for dialog and yield monologs in their place. An example of a drive-by directive is did you clean your room yet? Or, it is time to cut the grass. These kind of directives don’t build relationships, particularly if they characterize most of your communication with your teenagers. They will not be received as words of building and encouragement. 

In opposition to this drive-by approach, Ephesians 4:29 says that ALL of your speech must fit in the absolute parameters of speaking only what is helpful—and nothing else. This is stunning. If you truly catch the power of this verse it becomes easier to understand why the apostles cried out to Jesus to increase their faith when they understood what true forgiveness entailed (Luke 17:3-10). Think about it! The Holy Spirit, through Paul, is giving directions for every word that you say to your teenagers. Every word. That is why the Proverbs teach that a wise man uses words with restraint (17:27). This is not the way the world talks, and Paul insists that Christians no longer walk, talk and live like the world.

To follow the teaching of Ephesians 4:29 you must know how your words will impact your teenager. You must understand what he struggles with, what he enjoys, what his dreams are, what his thoughts of God are like. You must care enough about him to use words that are carefully crafted to bring grace to his life. This is no easy thing, but it is what God wants. This powerful verse in chapter 4 is an application of the prayer of Paul in verses 18-23 of chapter 1. God’s incomparably great power is available for his people. It is available for you as you ask God to help you speak only words of grace to your teenagers.  Truly the eyes of your heart must be opened to embrace the radical, life-changing speech that Ephesians 4:29 calls you to. God will provide the strength that you need, but you must ask him for it.

This skill will mean listening well, as we have mentioned. It will mean taking the time to invest yourself in your teenager’s life. it will mean understanding the temptations he faces each day. It will mean understanding how you have failed him as a parent, and it means seeking forgiveness for words that have not been full of grace. Your teenager needs the words of grace and help that you can provide. He needs to be built up by hearing words that fit the situation of his life. Ask God for the strength and faith and wisdom to have your speech transformed by this verse. As you pursue the wisdom of this verse, as you cry out to God to work changes in your speech that are consistent with his purposes, you will find that one day you and your teenager will be having a dialog about things that matter.