November 2008 Archives

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. Philippians 3:7&8

The law from your mouth is more precious to me
       than thousands of pieces of silver and gold. Psalm 119:72

Knowing Christ is a great thing. That is easy to say but challenging to live. Just how great is it? Taken at face value, Paul’s words in Philippians are stunning. So is the verse from Psalm 119. Nothing compares to knowing Christ and loving his words. These are two themes from the Gospels that are often missed, and they are crucial to your parenting. Let’s look at each of them.

Paul’s comments in Philippians are self-disclosure. He reveals what drives him as a person. The literary “feel” of chapters 2 and 3 is intense. Paul says that nothing even compares to knowing Christ. This is the same intensity we hear in the parable Christ tells in Matthew 13:44 about the kingdom of heaven and the treasure in a field.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field (Matthew 13:44).

 When the man found the treasure he immediately and joyfully sold all he had so that he could purchase the field with its treasure. The things which at one moment were all of his earthly possessions were dispatched in a heartbeat.  His values changed instantly. While we don’t necessarily have to sell all that we have to know Christ, we should be willing to. Paul was willing. In Philippians, he says he had given up everything to know Christ. His life overflowed with the joy of that choice. He didn’t give up his respected position of religious leadership and then look back and moan over his loss of prestige. Like the man who bought the field, Paul considered knowing Christ the greatest of all treasures.

What do your children think is your greatest treasure? Would they say it is knowing Christ, based on the way that you talk and the things that you buy for them and for yourself? Are you so conscious of the grace given to you by Christ that those closest to you see you overwhelmed with the mercy of Christ? Paul writes as someone who is aware of Christ each minute of each day. Paul didn’t live in a monastery. He lived life just as you do, in the middle of a secular, needs-driven world that cares little for the Living God. But through all of this, Paul was most conscious, most self-aware, of Jesus Christ. He knew that Christ was Lord of Heaven and Earth. He knew that his life was lived continuously in the presence of King Jesus, and he delighted in this reality. This is the same reality that God calls you to show to your children.

Knowing Christ this Christmas season is the greatest  gift that you can give to your children.  It is a better gift than things that you can wrap. You can still give those presents, of course, but  the most wonderful gift you can give is the witness of your love for Christ. Invest some time in this gift--it doesn't just happen randomly. Spend time in the Word, and spend time in meditation on the love of Christ. Pray for the eyes of your heart to be opened to the joy of your salvation.

These are times of political uncertainty and economic fears. But these are also times to be blown away by the awesome joy of knowing the One who rules over all of these things. Jesus Christ is our life.

In the next post we will look at how the words of Christ should be our most valued possession.

The law from your mouth is more precious to me
       than thousands of pieces of silver and gold. Psalm 119:72 NIV
The law of your mouth is better to me
   than thousands of gold and silver pieces. Psalm 119:72 ESV

This verse in Psalm 119 presents a challenging question to you as a Christian parent.  Is this truth something that influences you more than your bank balances?  The psalmist proclaims the word of God is of such value that gold and silver pale in comparison.  Take some time to consider this reality. Is this your testimony? Would your children say this verse speaks accurately of you and what you value?

Give this some thought. Let me know what you think. We will return to this thought in the next post. 

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
    and do not resent his rebuke,
 12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11-12

Stacey sent the following comment regarding a previous post on adornment and toddlers.

My husband and I are having trouble with this. I don't quite understand how to approach discipline with a joyful attitude (we don't get angry but we are not necessarily joyful about it), especially if my toddler hits and kicks us. We use a low firm voice when correcting and then we spank. One night my husband had to do this over and over and over again. I was crying out to the Lord for wisdom, for my husband and my child... if this was really the right thing to do or how we were to approach this? Over and over again my child continued to hit and kick after being corrected/spanked.. my husband was not angry but he was firm. We are both new at this, and I'm wondering in this example of my 2 year old son, are we to correct/spank until he stops hitting/kicking? What should we do?

Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created. James 1:16-18

Here is the last installment of the series about preparing for the holiday season. Let's focus now on the attitude of the recipients of gifts. Christmas has become a season all about children. Culturally, Christmas is an exercise in benevolent escapism. This escapism is possible because children tend to trust their parents' view of reality. This is appropriate—as long as children are dependent upon their home for shelter, food and relationships, home is the center of their universe. Children are supposed to trust their parents. (As an aside, this reality is why following the direction of Deuteronomy 6 is so crucial. God designed this time of dependence so that parents can provide a biblical, truthful framework of how the world works—that is, everything is in the control of our sovereign Lord, and all are accountable to him.) So parents have, for good or ill, the opportunity to powerfully shape the thoughts of their children in early life. This means that the attitude with which children receive gifts is largely framed by the parents, with a powerful assist from the flesh.

Okay, so how does all of this relate to gift giving and escapism? Let me answer with another question. Culturally speaking, where do gifts come from at Christmas? That’s right, from a jolly, plump fellow in a red suit who drives an airborne sleigh pulled by eight caribou that can be tracked by excited weather persons on live Doppler radar. Would you give this explanation for the sudden appearance of gifts under a tree to adults?  Probably not.  But children—that's a different story. If mom and dad and Bob the weather person say it's true, it must be true. This truth is then confirmed by the brightly wrapped presents that appear under the tree.

Our culture buys into this. We all want something better than what we know we deserve. So for a few weeks each year most of our world collectively journeys into a world that does not exist. We want to  believe in something better than greed and selfishness. As humans, we need to hope in something better than ourselves. But, as Romans 1 says, by our very nature we actively suppress that this hope can be met in God. So we create an alternative universe where gifts are dispensed without regard to the worship of God. We create the cultural phenomenon now known as the holiday season. This represents an escape from the real world, where God is the only true giver of good gifts.  Christmas is often the occasion of attempts to produce atonement and redemption through gifts, but these attempts may actually bring more disillusionment, because such things do not satisfy.

Your children are impacted by this cultural escapism to some degree. If you are to teach your children to receive gifts biblically, you must first teach them to understand that all good things come from God (James 1:16-18). This is true even for those who do not worship the God of the Bible (Acts 14:17). Good gifts come only from God. Gifts are not to be expected or demanded. God gives gifts because he is gracious. Therefore, we should receive them that way. But children are not neutral with regard to gift giving. They are born believing that they deserve whatever they can imagine. The escapist culture of the holidays reinforces this. If your children’s perspective about receiving gifts is to change, it must start with you. Parents, you must examine yourselves to see how much of this cultural view of gift giving has influenced you. Your children’s understanding of receiving gifts is a reflection of what you have taught them about receiving gifts.

If you have looked at giving gifts as a way of achieving temporal redemption for your failures, you have passed this on to your children. They will then expect you to make up for your poor behavior with gifts. This leads only to frustration and dissatisfaction. Help your children to see gifts as good things from God that come from his mercy, not as reward or penance.

As Luke 11 indicates, we delight in giving gifts to our children. This is good and proper. But we must not lose the biblical focus that James teaches – good gifts flow from God. Gifts are to be a picture of the wonderful, unmerited gifts lavished upon us by God. Teach your children to receive them in this spirit. For your part, don’t attempt to make your gift giving more or less than what God intends. Delight in bringing joy to your children as God delights in bringing joy to you. This joy is not dependent upon on the dollar value of the gift or the quantity of the gifts. It is a joy that cannot be confined to a season.

I pray that this series has been helpful to you. You have a powerful opportunity to present the wonderful mercies of God in this upcoming holiday season. As Paul says to Timothy, teach your children to take hold of life that is truly life.

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
      and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Luke 2:13&14

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn
  " 'a man against his father,
      a daughter against her mother,
      a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law -
      a man's enemies will be the members of his own household. Matthew 10:34-36

The Advent of Jesus Christ has become the season where political correctness and materialism combine to obfuscate the purposes of God. This time of the year, according to Western tradition, is supposed to be a time of family, peace and hope. The role of Jesus Christ in all of this, from a cultural standpoint, has all but vanished. The words of the angels have been misunderstood to say that the coming of Christ means peace for all. But a careful reading of these words says something quite different. The triumphant chorus proclaimed peace to those who were favored by God. In other words, the troubles of this world can only be resolved by knowing the favor of God. Since the world has been at war with God since the time of the Fall (Ephesians 2:1-3), someone would have to make peace with God in order to obtain the favor of God. That someone was and is Jesus Christ. Peace, then, is not for everyone, but only those who know the grace of God. For peace to occur, war has to be waged. This war had been promised since the garden. There God made a promise to Adam and Eve, and at the same time he pronounced judgment on Satan. He said Satan would strike the heel of Eve’s offspring but then the Lord of Creation would crush the head of Satan. Thus Jesus would make peace and war at the same time. The statements in Luke 2 and Matthew 10 are not contradictory. They are two sides of the same coin. On Earth, peace never occurs unless a war has been won. In Luke, the angels are announcing the triumph of the victor, Jesus Christ, who would triumph at the cross. In Matthew, Jesus states his mission to bring the war necessary for peace.

Over time, traditional greetings initially became code words for the reality and necessity of war to bring peace. "Merry Christmas" meant that there was reason for joy for God’s people. The Christmas carols themselves, if you sing all of their verses, speak eloquently of this war. The Peace of Christmas was won at a horrible price. Over time the meaning behind the code faded. Merry Christmas and other similar phrases now refer only to a temporal season and human perspectives. As the true meaning of the Advent has been lost in tradition, political correctness began to attack the code words. So "Merry Christmas" has become "Happy Holidays" or "Season’s Greetings." Christmas Day has been lumped together with New Years Day to produce The Holidays. Of course, once Christmas Day has passed, it is now politically correct to say Happy New Year instead of Happy Holidays.

Materialism now provides the energy for much of the cultural holiday spirit. In the last post we looked at what constitutes true gift giving. Sadly, much of the gift giving of the culture has to do with the seeking of atonement and the purchase of relationships through giving gifts. Since many retailers don’t want to offend potential buyers, the new code words of holidays and seasons dominate the advertising themes of the season.

Your children hear the loud noises of the culture. Help them to see that the true meaning of Christ’s advent is much more than exchanging Merry Christmas for Happy Holidays. The joy of Christmas flows from a battle that was won. Peace has emerged from a war waged and won by the Lord Jesus. Yes, he came as a baby. But then he grew up to wage and win the most terrible war of all time. The sinless, pure, holy, blameless Son of God, endured the most terrible weapon ever unleashed, the wrath of God the Father. He not only endured, he triumphed and won the most powerful of victories. So, Merry Christmas truly means joy because Jesus won the war to bring peace and thus gave to his people the most precious of all gifts – eternal life!

Break the code of holiday phrases for your children. Help them to see why Christians have real reason for joy at the advent of Christ. This joy is to last not just for a season, but for eternity. May God grant you the wisdom and courage to present the joy of the coming of Christ as the Bible does.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Why do you give presents? At first, the answer seems obvious—but is it? This is important to understand, especially with the Christmas gift season approaching. The obvious answer is that you give to make someone else feel happy or appreciated. But let’s take a deeper look at this “obvious” answer. There are many ways to approach this issue, but this in post our focus will be on why you give presents to your children. Gift giving, like anything else in the Christian life, must be done for the glory of God. So your first thought in choosing gifts for your children should be to consider how the gifts will honor God.

Giving to honor God is not necessarily the same as giving to make your child happy. In fact, the two goals may be in opposition to each other! The ultimate example of giving to glorify God is Jesus Christ. He gave his life to honor his Father so that others would live. Christ's gift was selfless, pure and holy. That gift became the model for all giving. Let’s take a look at each of these three qualities. While we can never match these qualities in our own gift giving, nonetheless, they become our standard.

Selfless 

From a human perspective there was nothing in what Christ did that was a benefit to him. His joy was in doing what the Father wanted. He did not give selfishly, to get something back. One trap in gift giving is the expectation of appreciation. You think and plan for weeks to get just the right gift for your 10-year-old. It is an expensive gift. It is a gift that you longed for a child. Your son tears off the wrapping, opens the box, looks for a moment, and then looks up and says a half-hearted thanks—and immediately dives for  the next present. You're crushed. How could he not appreciate the love and sacrifice that went into that gift? Some of the joy of the day has gone. When this happens the gift was not really for your child. It was, at least in part, for you. You were hoping, expecting, to receive as well as to give. In addition, you chose a gift you were sure he would like, but you didn't take time to listen to him enough and know him well enough to make a good choice. This is not selfless, but selfish. Gifts should not be given with an expectation of earning gratitude. This type of giving is described in Luke 6:32-36.  And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. (vs.33) Giving that is selfless finds delight in giving, not in receiving.

Pure 

Purity in giving means giving with motives that are undiluted. Giving gifts is not the time to make up for past sins. If you have been short or insensitive with your children, don’t attempt to make it up by giving great gifts at Christmas. Those sorts of sins are only covered by repentance, which then produces sensitivity and pleasant words. Don’t use a pile of presents under the tree as a substitute for your failings as a parent. Atonement was purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ, not by a Sony Wii purchased on a credit card. Give gifts simply because you love others and desire to give them good gifts. Purity is expressed by joy in the very act of giving. This means that there are more important gifts to give your children than ones that you can wrap.

Holy

Following Christ in giving also means that your gifts must be holy. Your gifts must not be stained by the love of the world. If you choose gifts that based primarily on what the world thinks is cool, the gift is not a holy gift. If your gift is an attempt to make the recipient beholden to you, it is not a holy gift. Holy giving means that you can give the gift knowing that this gift will please God and help your child honor God. A new bike can be given as an expression of love and a means of helping your child actively enjoy the creation. Or it can be an attempt to earn his loyalty and cooperation. One way is holy and the other is not.

Giving that incurs undue debt does not model Christ. Giving that attempts to buy respect or appreciation does not model Christ. Giving that attempts to atone or appease is not honoring to Christ.

Some gifts given at Christmas would be better repackaged and given throughout the year. The overtime it took to earn the money to buy the really special gift might have been better invested in being home and spending time with your child. No one knows more about giving that pleases God than his Son. This year, truly seek Christ as your example for the giving of gifts.

As always, your thoughts are welcome and desired.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Gratitude for Christ

In less than two weeks it will be Thanksgiving Day once again. That day begins four weeks stuffed full of events, culminating on Christmas Day.  Then, ironically, many will be thankful that the busy holiday season is over. The holiday season places a rather conditional spin on the theme of Thanksgiving. We hope that we will be thankful—assuming that everything works out the way we have anticipated. We will be thankful if the major meals and events of the season go off without a hitch. We will be thankful if that certain annoying relative is not quite so annoying this year. We will be thankful if the year-end bonus is what we hoped for. We will be thankful if we get most of the Christmas presents we would like. We will be thankful if everyone pitches in and helps with all the work that has to be done.

In contrast, God’s idea of thanksgiving is not dependent upon your events and circumstances. Paul tells the Thessalonians that thanksgiving is to be a  recognizable quality of their lives as Christians, regardless of conditions. It is God’s will that you, too, be thankful in all circumstances. If you are not, your life will be less than glorifying to God. Your life will center around yourself--and that is a recipe for holiday discouragement. Gratitude must to identify you as a person. For this to occur, at least three truths must frame your understanding of gratitude:

First truth:  gratitude is based upon unchanging facts, not changing circumstances.

God's goodness to you is never in doubt. Ephesians 1:7-8 says “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.” This blessing is certain. Paul says it has already happened. Redemption belongs to you as God’s child and you will never lose it. No circumstance can change this certain reality--so no circumstance of this life should diminish your gratitude for God’s grace. The holidays are filled with circumstances that stand in contrast to the rest of the year. Do NOT let uncertain circumstances diminish the joy of God’s faithfulness to you.

Second  truth:  gratitude is based upon commitment, not performance.

The gospel is all about God’s commitment to you. God works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose. The Holy Spirit “is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession” (Eph. 1:14). By implication, the gospel means that you don’t have to evaluate the performance of others to determine whether or not you can be thankful. Think about it. How often does discouragement come from what you view as the flawed performances of others?  ...If only my wife were not so demanding; if only my kids were not so selfish, if only…  If your gratitude could be measured on a graph over time, it might tend to be as up-and-down as  the stock market averages. This is not God’s will for you. His will is gratitude. The more you focus on the performance of others, the less you will be dominated by gratitude.

Third truth:  gratitude is based upon mercy, not expectations.

The story of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:23-35 demonstrates what happens when you lose sight of the mercy of God that has been given to you. When you lose sight of the mercy of God, you will be more critical when those around you do not meet your expectations. You will be dominated by discouragement and even bitterness, instead of mercy and compassion. God extends mercy and compassion to you even when you fall far short of his commands. Mercy is not something you extend because someone has pleased you. Mercy is unmerited favor. Yet, when your expectations are not met, isn't there a natural drive of the flesh to be hurt and to withdraw—or even to demand retribution? Where is gratitude? Gratitude should flow from the mercy extended to you. Then, gratitude becomes the source of mercy (rather than hurt feelings) when others struggle and fail. Times when your expectations are disappointed provide an opportunity for you to show kindness, compassion and mercy—actions that are perhaps unexpected, but holy.

Gratitude is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. You can be thankful for all that God has given you, including the struggles of those you love most. May we all show true gratitude this holiday season, gratitude that anticipates eternity.

Listen a discussion about this blog on Calling for Truth

He who answers before listening—
       that is his folly and his shame. Proverbs 18:13

This current series of posts is about getting ready for the holidays. The holiday season presents a challenge for parents. For the next few weeks the world will talk about Christ’s advent, but it will be in code. You may have already noticed that code in the first sentence of this post. That’s right, translate holiday to mean the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. The problem is that no one wants to offend anyone, so it is politically incorrect to say anything but Happy Holidays. As postmodernism further infiltrates our culture, the meaning of Advent gets pushed deeper into the recesses of antiquity. As the message that man needs a savior fades, the bustle of the season increases. (More about the code in future posts.) The holidays seldom resemble the celebration of saving grace. If your children are to have a biblical perspective on the “holiday season,” it will more than likely have to come from you, their parents.

One of the first casualties of the season is time. One event blurs into another. Shopping becomes an ordeal. The ones who are affected the most by this hectic schedule are the very ones the season is supposedly all about – the children. When things are busy, the questions and concerns of children often lose importance. They are admonished to be patient and quiet because there is a lot to do. So their questions blend into the background noise of the holiday rush. But this is one of the times when children need to heard. They get caught up in the rush as well. Yes, it is supposed to be all for them, but they probably don’t realize that.

Proverbs says that it is a shameful thing to answer before listening. But how easy it is to ignore a child’s questions amidst the hectic activities! At this emotional, demanding time of year, your children need to know that you hear them. Take conscious steps to make sure that your children do not become part of the holiday blur. Listen carefully to their questions and thoughts. They can be overwhelmed. This is true for older children as well. If you listen well, you will let your children know that your concern for them is constant. If you listen well your children will know that they can come to you when they are troubled. When you listen well you model the love of God to your children. You encourage them that they can always go to God. He hears no matter how busy things might be. Don’t let the season interfere with the basic functions of faithful parenting. Be a parent who listens well.  Point your children to Christ.  It is a simple thing, to listen first—but the consequences are profound.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
       and his courts with praise;
       give thanks to him and praise his name.
 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
      his faithfulness continues through all generations Psalm 100:4&5

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:7-8

Perhaps you noticed that on November 1st, immediately after Halloween, stores began to display Christmas themes. The instant transition from orange and black to red and green was as startling as it was swift. The holiday season this year will have even more economic urgency than most. Both the retailers and their lenders will be looking for holiday sales to bail them out. It will be easy to get caught up in the advertising campaigns that will soon be upon us. Your children will be targeted by many of these ads. Be sure to take some time to remind them of reasons for thanksgiving and joy that are more significant than seasonal. Joy and thankfulness should mark Christians throughout the year, not just during the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

It is the God in three persons that gives us reason for celebration and gratitude. The uncertainty brought about by the election and the tumbling economy may diminish the joy which belongs to our God. Parents, you cannot let this happen. Even if your earthly meals and celebrations must be smaller this year because of economic issues, your reason for true joy has not diminished in the slightest. In fact, your joy should be growing as you know grow in your appreciation of Psalm 100. God’s love does endure forever. His faithfulness does continue.

Even the celebration of Thanksgiving Day is shaped by economic concerns. Abraham Lincoln, in 1863, declared by proclamation that Thanksgiving Day would fall on the last Thursday in November. It remained on the last Thursday until 1939, when President Franklin Roosevelt decided that Thanksgiving should be celebrated a week early. This was because the last Thursday was also the last day of November that year.
At least part of his motivation was to provide more time for Christmas shopping by moving the day a week earlier. This decision by Roosevelt set off a furor that caused Congress to pass a law in 1941 declaring Thanksgiving to be observed on the fourth Thursday of November. Here is a link to the FDR Library online which details how this happened. You will even find some letters from citizens giving their concerns about moving the holiday.

Christians, thankfully, don’t need calendars to know when to celebrate joy and gratitude. Because of the awesome love of our Savior, Jesus Christ, you have cause to celebrate each day with joy. This year, especially if the turkey is a little smaller and the presents less costly, center on Christ more than ever. Luke tells us that life does not consist in the abundance of possessions. The ups and downs of the markets cannot diminish the true riches we have in Christ. We have had the mercy of God lavished upon us. Our reasons for praise and thanksgiving never cease. This world and its worries will pass away, but the love of our God endures forever. You can give your children the gift of seeing your joy in Christ overflow into daily life, even with all the tumultuous events of these days.

The world will be looking for hope in things that are destined to end. Christian, you have hope in the person of Christ, whose love and mercy will never end. As the holiday season and all of its accompanying pomp rushes upon you, let your children know where true joy comes from. Be ready to rejoice in true riches—blessings that will endure forever.

It is time to say thank you again to you the readers of the Shepherd Press Blog. It is a joy to communicate with you about issues that matter. Your comments and thoughts are always welcomed and appreciated. One lesson we can all learn from this election season is that only God and his Word are constant, everything else is, well, changing. Please keep your thoughts and prayers coming. We are working to make the blog more accessible to you. We have included a link to a radio interview based on the recent post, God is Good.

In any event, please accept my thanks for your support and prayers. God has much work for us yet to do!

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Comment from Rob:
I appreciate your ministry. Thanks for calling on Dads to be Dads. I have a question regarding discipline. I come from a family that has severely strained relationships on all fronts. Mom vs. Dad, kids vs. parents, everyone vs. everyone. When I came to Christ my relationships improved, but the strain is still there and my wife and I are working on that. This strain is what makes the following situation difficult. We have a 19 month old son and when we visit my parents, he needs to be corrected. Correcting him is no problem for my wife and me, but my mom will yell at him sometimes over us while we are correcting him, or before we can get there to correct. She also will grab him and say "Bad Boy" before we can get there. I love my mom and to her credit my brother and his girlfriend have let her discipline their kids (12 and 8), so this is how it works for them. I am not comfortable with the situation. I think discipline needs to fall in my court when I am around. She should just enjoy being a Grandma. The reason I haven't said anything to her is because of the strained relationships and the fact that my brother has set a kind of norm for how Grandma acts. How can I deal with this situation in love and not offend needlessly? My mom is in a Bible Study with us...I want her to meet Jesus. Any help or resources I can look into would be greatly appreciated.

Rob, thanks for your comment, question and encouragement. You are correct when you say discipline is the responsibility of the parents, particularly the father. You are also right in not wanting to offend unnecessarily. I would suggest you start by having a conversation with your mom explaining that you want to use the Bible as your guide in raising your son, and that means you have a particular way you want to handle discipline.  You could mention that you realize your approach is different from your brother's, and that is a bit awkward for you.  Assure her that you appreciate her desire to help, and acknowledge her years of parenting experience, but lovingly tell her that you believe it is your God-given responsibility to discipline your children.

Your son is getting strongly mixed messages about his behavior. This is not a good thing for him. You can appeal to her that it is not good for children to have radically different methods of discipline applied to them. You can tell her that this is part of what it means to be a Christian parent. Your words to her should be gentle, but firm and clear. If you are uneasy or abrupt in the way you tell her, then you will be giving her a mixed message. You want to follow the model of Proverbs 16:20-24 and use pleasant, respectful words with you speak to your mom about this. Being pleasant, clear, respectful, and gentle with her may  defuse concerns she may have. Speak to her privately, before any occasion where she would “jump in” happens. She probably thinks she  is helping you; remember, it's hard for your mother to stop “mothering” you by showing you how to be a parent. But what you can say is that God, in the Bible, has given this responsibility to you. Then, when you are with her it would be wise to stay in close proximity to your son, just in case she acts out of habit.

It is also possible that she may not respond well to your request. If this happens, reassure her of your appreciation for her, but remind her that before God this is a responsibility that you must retain. If she refuses to honor your request, then you may have to limit her exposure to your child. Lord willing, it won’t come to that. If you and your wife are gentle, appreciative, and firm, and if you stay close to your son when you are with your mom, then things may work out just fine. Of course, you want to pray and ask God to bless your efforts to talk with your mom about this subject. Your demeanor can make a world of difference. This may also be a good testimony to your brother. By honoring God in this way, you will also help her to see what it means to follow Christ. This may actually drawer her closer to coming to Christ than if you allow things to go on as they are.  Let me know how it works out

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
  will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
  my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:12

Yesterday we saw God at work, and we can declare that God is good. As yesterday’s post noted, God is always at work doing good for his people, but sometimes we need a uncommon event, such as a presidential election, to remind us of this truth. Parents, you have a powerful message to give to your children this week. God has shown his power and care for the church in wonderful, though perhaps unexpected, ways. Here are just a few ways that God demonstrated his goodness to us yesterday.
First — The outcome of the election for President is clear and essentially uncontested. If the election had hinged on disputed, razor thin results in a few states, national chaos could have easily resulted. As it is, there is a clear majority for Barack Obama in both the Electoral College (349 to 161) and the popular vote (approximately 7 million votes). This is a blessing that must not be overlooked. A tight, contested election would have made this November look like the 2000 election on steroids. For now, God has provided a climate of relative calm, which is a benefit not only to the country but to the church.

Second — When the new president is inaugurated in January 2009, he will have a clear majority politically. His policies and direction can be evaluated on their own merits, without anyone being able to say that the other side is standing in the way. I do not mean to imply that I favor his intended direction or policies. I do not. But there will be an opportunity to evaluate these policies and their results clearly and objectively.

Third — It clarifies the fact that the change America needs is spiritual and not political. It would be a mistake to put our hope in the elections of 2010 and 2012 to bring the change that our country needs. While we must be grateful for the Christian faith of many courageous and dedicated elected officials, we must not expect them to do more than they can do. The church of Jesus Christ is uniquely suited to bring this change about. By helping your family to embrace this reality you can give them real and certain direction that does not depend on the outcome of elections. The church has flourished in past times without the support of governments and rulers. In the first century the church spread like a flame amidst horrific persecution. The power of the gospel is our hope, not the power of government.

Fourth – You have the opportunity to present the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ for real change. What a privilege this is! It starts with your family, right now. Colossians 1 teaches that God works all things together so that Jesus Christ, our King, will have the supreme standing that is due him. This is not a time to be discouraged. God has made it possible for the church, the bride of Christ, to present the power of the Gospel to a country which needs to hear it. Encourage your children with this opportunity. Psalm 33 says that the horse is a vain hope in battle. In the same way, strong financial markets are a vain hope, and so is a government populated by leaders with whom we are politically comfortable.
God is good! This is a time to shepherd your family to rejoice in the goodness of God.

The content of this post is discussed on the Calling for Truth radio program.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.  Matthew 10:29

He changes times and seasons;
       he sets up kings and deposes them.
       He gives wisdom to the wise
       and knowledge to the discerning.  Daniel 2:21

Today is Election Day in the United States.  It is a day to see God at work.  In reality, God is at work every day, but that amazing truth often slips from our thoughts.  It often takes some big event, like an uncertain election, to remind us of what is always true.  God’s powerful will and plan includes everything from  a sparrow falling to the ground to the changing of governments.  As I look out my window, the wind is blowing. Brilliantly colored leaves fill the air as they too fall to the ground just  as our great God has planned.  These leaves fall and provide insulation and nutrients for the soil. And then next spring the trees will again sprout new leaves the will be reminders warm days ahead.  Our God is truly an awesome God.

So, this day is a day to remind you that this is God’s world and he does as he pleases for the good of his people and the honor of his name. This is a perspective to give to your children.  You can easily get caught up in school schedules, financial worries, elections, concerns about the future and lose sight of the One who makes all things happen.

Encourage your children to watch God at work. Look at the blowing leaves. Observe the election.  Be in awe that whoever wins the election will be the choice that God has made. Let’s pray that the next President will be humbled and not be proud as Nebuchadnezzar was. Pray that he will see that it was not by his own will and effort that he was elected.  But most of all, be amazed at the awesomeness of God. This is a rich blessing to give to your children.