December 2008 Archives

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.  Ephesians 4:14-16

Your comments and questions are an important part of this blog.  Please send any requests you have for issues and subjects you would like to see addressed. I already have two such requests. One is about the impact of video and computer games on our children. The other, interestingly enough, is about how to encourage children with their school work.

I would love to hear of additional topics that you would like to see addressed.  It is a blessing to interact with you.  Your prayers and interest in the blog are greatly appreciated.  So if you have a question, go ahead and send it in.

Above all else, guard your heart,
       for it is the wellspring of life. NIV
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
         For from it flow the springs of life. NASB
Guard your heart above all else,
      for it determines the course of your life. NLT
Guard your heart above all else,
    for it is the source of life. HCSB
Keep your heart with all diligence,
      For out of it spring the issues of life. NKJV
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
   for from it flow the springs of life. ESV Proverbs 4:23

Why six translations of the same verse? Simply to make a point. In my own study I often look at several reliable translations of a passage to help grasp the nuances of that text. Such is the case with this verse. Each of these translations bears a close connection to the others. Yet the subtle differences underscore the significant theme of protecting your heart. As you know, this verse forms one of the core concepts that shaped Shepherding a Child’s Heart. It is the plea of a father to his son to guard his heart from the treachery of the world and its ways.

Here is an implication of that verse that is also fundamental to parenting: If you want to give sound and valued counsel to your children – counsel that they will love and respect – you must first heed this admonition for yourself. If you are going to give biblical care to your children, you must also attend to your own heart. Here is a quote from Tremper Longman’s commentary on Proverbs regarding this verse. First his translation and then his comments.
    Above all you guard, protect your heart,
        For , from it, life derives.

“It is most important that the son preserves the integrity of his heart. It is from the heart that life derives. The father is not speaking literally. The heart can remain beating, but a person be dead in other ways. An evil heart is a dead heart.” 154 

Guarding your own heart from evil influences and tendencies is essential.  Are you living hypocritically yourself, ignoring some area of sin instead of repenting and changing?  If so, your attempts to teach and model the Christian life to your children will be flawed and warped. No training is more effective than the model of a sincere, godly parent. Parent, guard your heart!

Don’t head into this new year with a heart that is unprotected because of hypocrisy.  Hypocrisy is a weak and inadequate defense against the pressures of an uncertain economy.  The rush of Christmas is over. The year 2009 is barreling toward us with breakneck speed. The news media and pundits are overflowing with stories of gloom and uncertainty. Yet God does not change. Like 2010 and 2008, the days of 2009 are planned by God to bring what is best for his people. There are no surprises coming for God. It is just the opposite – what is coming is what God intends. His riches that he has stored up for his people are guaranteed. 

…the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory. Ephesians 1:13b,14

Guard your heart from fear uncertainty. Yes, you must be wise and prudent. But you must also have a spirit of boldness that lives in the expectation that God’s inheritance and riches can never be devalued. Through the temptations to worry, let the reality of God’s guarantee protect your heart. This will  provide you with a steadiness that will not only bless you, but be a blessing to your children.
Jesus’ words to his disciples in the upper room are an encouragement to us as well. The disciples were about to see Jesus tried and crucified, to have their lives turned upside down in a few hours. But Christ says to them, as he says to you:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Protect your heart with this truth.

The people walking in darkness
       have seen a great light;
       on those living in the land of the shadow of death 
       a light has dawned.

 You have enlarged the nation
       and increased their joy;
       they rejoice before you
       as people rejoice at the harvest,
       as men rejoice
       when dividing the plunder.

 For as in the day of Midian's defeat,
       you have shattered
       the yoke that burdens them,
       the bar across their shoulders,
       the rod of their oppressor.

 Every warrior's boot used in battle
       and every garment rolled in blood
       will be destined for burning,
       will be fuel for the fire.

 For to us a child is born,
       to us a son is given,
       and the government will be on his shoulders.
       And he will be called
       Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
       Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of his government and peace
       there will be no end.
       He will reign on David's throne
       and over his kingdom,
       establishing and upholding it
       with justice and righteousness
       from that time on and forever.
       The zeal of the LORD Almighty
       will accomplish this.  Isaiah 9:2-7

May you and your family know the riches of God's goodness this Christmas. Thank you for being part of this online community committed to shepherding our families towards Christ!

Blessings from Shepherd Press

But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."
 "How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"  Luke 1:30-34

Hebrews 11 says that faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  Our culture pushes us in a different direction.  It tells us to hope in what we have and be certain only of what we see. The contrast is stark and destructive.  Since the Garden, God has called his people to trust their lives to what they cannot see.  Two thousand years ago a young girl, most likely a teenager, was  called upon to have faith in what was unseen.  Notice the sequence of statements in the angel's announcement to Mary.

You have found favor with God.
    You will become pregnant and give birth to a Son.
    You will name him Jesus.
    He will be great and ascend to the throne of David.

Mary then asks the obvious question – how can this happen since I am a virgin?  Her question is not one of doubt, but of one of facilitation. She has accepted the angel at his word.  She is simply asking how it will happen, because she has no husband and is a virgin. Her response is of a totally different sort than Zechariah's when he was told of that he would become a father.  Like Mary, Zechariah was troubled and shaken by the sudden appearance of the angel of God.  Like Mary, Zechariah was told of a wonderful birth, a birth that he and his wife had longed for. He was to have a son!  Remember that Zechariah was a priest who was commended for knowing the commandments of God.  He would have known the story of Abraham well.  He knew that the being in front of him was an angel, and that angels spoke the very words of God.  Yet he responded with doubt.  He challenged the angel and asked how can I be sure of this? So, even though he knew the Scriptures, knew of the power of God to grant birth to those who were past the age of childbearing, he doubted and demanded proof so he could believe.  He did not respond in faith.  Sadly, Zechariah’s response was much like our own tendencies  – we cannot be certain of what we do not see.

But Mary, this young girl, simply asked how this would happen.  The angel then revealed news even more stunning than the announcement that she would have a child who would become a great King.  Mary was told that she would become pregnant by the Spirit of God! There would be no human father for this boy.

The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:35-37

Mary was confronted with an even more amazing scenario than Zechariah was.  She would give birth as a virgin.  The angel then said what was obvious to him, but elusive for us – nothing is impossible with God.  Mary responded to this in faith in verse 38:

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."

Mary was certain of what she did not see.  She took God at his word. She did not ask how can I be sure?  She simply says may it be to me as you have said.  There can be no doubt that Mary was aware of the disgrace this pregnancy would bring to her. It would surely mean giving up her marriage to Joseph for he would know that he was not the father of the child within her. Her betrothal would end not in the joyous celebration of marriage, but in disgrace and shame. She would become an outcast to the religious community of which she was a part.  Yet, she viewed herself as the Lord’s servant. What he asked, she would embrace. 

At this point we must compare Mary’s response to Zachariah’s.  When told how he would have a son, Zechariah demanded to know how he could be sure that God would do what he said he would do.  The angel’s statement was that Elizabeth would become pregnant as she and Zechariah continued to have sexual relations.  Mary was told that she would become pregnant without engaging in sexual relations with a man. Zechariah doubts God’s word; Mary believes.  

Parents, it should be encouraging to you that this young woman responded in faith.  This faith can reside in your children as well.  I can hear the response – nice idea, but you don’t know my children, that kind of response could never happen with them.  I only ask that you remember the angel’s words – nothing is impossible with God.  Perhaps we don’t expect faith in our children because we don’t live in faith ourselves.  Perhaps we ask how can I be sure? instead of saying may it be to me.  Doubt is expressed when we think, if I return kindness to my spouse’s insensitivity how can I be sure that I won’t be taken advantage of? Doubt is expressed when you think that pleasant words are not enough to call your children to obey – they need to know that you are angry and won’t stand for their misbehavior.  Before we expect a response of faith in our children, we must live in faith ourselves.

Tomorrow is Christmas Day. This day means many things. But most of all it means that nothing is impossible with God.  May it be to us as God has said.

Merry Christmas.

Yet I am always with you;
       you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
       and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
       And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
       but God is the strength of my heart
       and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
       you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
       I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
       I will tell of all your deeds.  Psalm 73:23-28

Psalm 73 shows the danger that lurks for Christians when we begin to evaluate life with the same standards  that the world uses.  Using the world’s standards to be the main measure your success will bring dissatisfaction with your Christian faith. This is exactly what happened to the psalmist. His overwhelming discouragement came directly from looking at life the way God’s enemies do.  Parents, this trap lures you, too.  If you work hard at your parenting, but use the world’s standards of success, you will become like the psalmist—embittered and discouraged with life and with God. But as we have seen, God does not leave the psalmist in his despair.  Instead, He powerfully reminds the psalmist of the true nature of reality.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.

Here are some other translations of this phrase:
        But as for me, how good it is to be near God! NLT        
        But for me it is good to be near God;  ESV
        But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;  NASB

All four of these translations point to the ultimate good for God’s people—the nearness of God!  The psalmist suddenly sees the foolishness of evaluating his life the way the world does.  As verse 11 says, the world is interested in mocking God and ridiculing his wisdom.  Because he had entertained such thoughts, the psalmist compared himself to an unthinking animal . Verse 22 says that if you use the world’s standards to evaluate your life, you too will be senseless and ignorant. 

In profound contrast, the psalmist observes  that the nearness of God is his good!  God, Emmanuel, is with you.  Because of the perfect performance of Christ, you don’t have to be worried that you must “measure up” to make God happy with you, to be with you.  Even when you sin, God is there, and his nearness is your good.  It is easy at Christmas time to regret all that you cannot do. It is easy to be discouraged that you cannot give the presents you would like to give. But the gift that you can give is your joy at God's nearness.  Your spouse will sometimes fail you. Your children will often be ungrateful or selfish.  Through all of this, the nearness of God is your good. Christ has paid the price for your sins.  He is your brother, your friend, your Savior, your Lord.

Many are fighting to keep Christ in Christmas.  While I understand the sentiment behind this thought, the reality is that Christ can no more be separated from his incarnation than God can be removed from the universe. It is what it is.  Christ is what he is and man can do nothing to change it. Your reason for celebration remains intact. Jesus became flesh and died for the sins of his people. The nearness of God is your good!

Yet I am always with you;
       you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
       and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
       And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
       but God is the strength of my heart
       and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
       you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
       I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
       I will tell of all your deeds. Psalm 73:23-28

Being a faithful parent is a consuming vocation. Parenting tends to absorb each part of your day. Even when your children are gone for school or church or to a friend’s house, your mind’s eye pursues them and seeks after them. At night, your ears have an open channel that never turns off, as you listen for signs of sickness or upset, even as you sleep. Add this to the other ongoing aspects of life – work, housekeeping, schedules, etc., and it is easy to be sucked into a swirling vortex of events. In the center of this vortex, having a clear, sharp and intimate view of Christ is not only desirable, it is essential. As we noted in the last post, the psalmist had been distracted and then discouraged by a world that cared little for God and holiness. He had become overwhelmed with the seeming futility of following God. Then he regained his focus, his clarity and his joy as he considered the faithfulness of his God. Today we continue by examining some thoughts from the end of this psalm that point us to the ultimate reality of Christ.

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

Really.

Parents, this is a hard one. Many times parental desires can be summed up under the heading of survival. As in, let me survive today and I’ll think about Christ tomorrow. Right now I would settle for just thirty minutes of quiet, so I can just have time to think. This was the trap the psalmist had fallen into. In the first part of the psalm, Asaph considered everything else but God and his ways. He was weighed down by the arrogance of the world. He caved in to the pressure. He lost sight of his God. But here is the reality that the crush of daily life can take from you—Jesus is right there with you in the middle of the clutter of your life. Desiring Christ in the mess of life is what gives stability to your soul. He has brought together all of the events, frustrations and demands of your life at any particular moment to point you to him. Desiring to know God in these times of turmoil is the saving grace that we all need. Jesus is not like some distant bystander. He is there with you. He is not passively watching, waiting for you to do the next wrong thing. No, he is actively interceding for you and providing ways of escape so that you can endure the temptations you face. Hebrews 2 tells you that these same temptations you struggle with were also experienced by Christ so that he can help you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

You see! Christ does know your struggles as a parent. How kind the Holy Spirit is to include these words of truth in this psalm. How many times have you said or thought these words? Scripture is about reality. These words are not words of condemnation or scorn. The Holy Spirit is not chiding you. Rather he is using the real life experiences of the psalmist to encourage you—to give you hope that God is there to be known and loved right now, in the middle of your life.

… but God is the strength of my heart

This is reality, even more so than the sense of exhaustion you have when your role as a parent seems more than you can bear. Jesus is with you to give you strength to do what you cannot accomplish on your own. For example, if you hear your voice beginning to rise in exasperation and frustration, Christ is there to give you strength to speak with pleasant words instead of harsh words. In the last portion of the psalm, God’s reality again becomes clear. God is the strength of your heart.

We will finish this series in the next post. As the 25th of December rushes upon you, remember the words of reality from this psalm. Don’t be overwhelmed by all that you can’t do or would like to do or give or clean. Instead, be overcome by the reality of the presence of Christ who is caring for you—even when he is the last person you are thinking about. Thanks to Heather for sharing her thoughts on these things. We want to hear what you are thinking as well.

Yet I am always with you;
       you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
       and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
       And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
       but God is the strength of my heart
       and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
       you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
       I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
       I will tell of all your deeds.  Psalm 73:23-28

Psalm 73 talks about your relationship with Christ. It takes a penetrating look into your soul. Negatively, these words expose your weakness and self-centeredness. Positively, these words provide a model, a relational goal to long for and seek after. Parents, if you wish to give your children an attractive picture of following God, these words show you the way. Even more importantly, these words express a sense of the wonder of God. To be a faithful parent, you must be first a faithful lover of God. This is the love that sustains you through the daily challenges of life. Over the next few posts we will consider this psalm that meditates on the reality and the beauty of God.

As the psalmist begins to take a personal spiritual inventory, he considers a view of reality that is not confirmed by the world and its experiences. Many of the struggles we face as Christians occur because we view God the way the world does. That was the problem the psalmist faced in the beginning of  Psalm 73.  Everyone else, all those who don’t care about God, appears to be doing just fine. They don’t have the struggles we face each day. They don't even think about pleasing God.  These thoughts had embittered the psalmist until he began to consider reality from God’s perspective. Then his thinking went from cynical bitterness to a wondrous awe at living in the presence of God. What are these themes?

You hold me by my right hand 

When my children were little, if we were away from the house in an unfamiliar place, an almost automatic response on their part was to reach for my hand. They would cling tightly to my hand until they felt settled. Reaching up and finding my hand told them that things were okay, Dad was there. No worries. That is what the psalmist means when he says that his God holds him by the hand,  that he is always with God. We live in a world that is outraged by the thought of God and the need of a savior. It is not a friendly world. But the psalmist realizes that God is there—strong, powerful and without equal—even though the world rants and raves against him.

You guide me with your counsel

As Francis Schaeffer has said, not only is God there, but he is not silent. Through the power of the Holy Spirit the word of God offers counsel that is a safe guide.  As the psalmist journeys back from the fog of the world’s influence, reality begins to take clear form again in his mind. He is no longer like a brute beast, but now sees the wonderful word of God for what it is—a safe, sure guide that stands in relief to the thundering cacophony of a world lost in self-pleasure.

Parent, Christ holds you by the hand. He is your faithful advocate before the Father. He gives you wise, life-giving counsel in his Word. Turn to it continually. If you do not, you face the danger of being as dazed and confused as the psalmist was in Psalm 73. Nothing made sense to him and he began to question the goodness of God. But God is faithful, and he drew his servant back. That is why we are looking at these few verses at the end of the Psalm 73.

We will take a look at more of these words of life in future posts. Please feel free to weigh in. Your comments are welcomed and are an encouragement to others.

If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. I Corinthians 15:19

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb 2through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. Rev. 22:1&2

Do we think about giving the gift of heaven to our children? It is impossible, of course, to wrap up even a small piece of heaven in a Christmas gift―but is it possible that our gifts do the opposite? That our gifts say that this life is all that really matters? The gift of heaven is not tangible. We can’t touch it or shake or look at it. But it is, nevertheless a gift that we cannot fail to give.

Heaven is a big deal. Among many other things, it is the reason we train our children not to indulge in the tempting pleasures of a world headed for destruction. Something better waits for them than Wii, Nike, Fisher-Price and Blue-Ray. Heaven is something that they cannot see, taste, touch, smell or hear. But it is more real than anything physical that they can possess in this life. And it is something you can tell them about. God placed us here on this planet to enjoy him and his splendid creation (Psalm 8, 19, etc.). But without the reality of heaven this life is like a cruel joke – promising everything and then delivering humiliating, bitter fruit in return. Without heaven, this world promises only an emotional roller coaster ride to depression and shattered dreams. Without heaven, Christ’s death is meaningless and empty. Without heaven, we Christians are nothing more than objects of pity.

Without heaven, none of this Christian stuff makes any sense. Paul says it is all an exercise is utter futility. If that is true, then without heaven this Christian stuff will also make no sense to your children. Heaven is better than winning a sports championship, better than a wide screen LCD TV, better than a new car, better than a strong economy, better than the perfect meal, better than sex, better than a stunning sunrise, better than the best sermon, better than the most perfect new home you can think of. Heaven is better than the most awesomely decorated Christmas tree surrounded by presents. Heaven is where God lives in eternity. Heaven is where the River of Life flows freely.

Do you hide the wonder of heaven from your children, from yourselves? The joy and hope of heaven is what makes this life worth living. The praise of man, the momentary fleeting joy of possessions, and the elusive pride of accomplishments offer nothing that is lasting or, ultimately, comforting. God has given many good things to enjoy ( I Tim. 4:4), but without heaven it is all truly vanity and emptiness.

This Christmas, along with all of the things that you will give your children, give them the gift you can’t wrap and put a bow on. Give them a view of heaven. Tell them what is behind all of what you are doing as a Christian parent. Let them know that heaven is real.

This post is from last Christmas, but I pray it will be a blessing to your and your family.

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction

       and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

They will be a garland to grace your head

       and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:8&9

Little children are dependent upon their parents for everything. This includes more than food, clothing and shelter. Children are dependent upon you, parent, for how they view the world around them. The way you live in front of them is the most powerful teaching tool that God gives you. This is teaching in the milieu. God designed families to demonstrate what it means to have a relationship with Him. If you love God, if you sincerely attempt to live your life by His Word, if you recognize that every moment is given to you so that you will glorify and honor God, then you will teach your children these same truths without even thinking about it. Your children observe you, everything about you. They see when you are sleeping, they know when you have been good or bad, they know when you pout and when you shout. In the midst of the turmoil of life your children know whom you delight in. Your kids know this without your ever having to say a word. When you stumble and ask God for help -- they learn. When you stumble and snap or make excuses -- they learn from that, too. If you value your relationship with God above all else, your children will know this, even when you fall short of your calling as a Christian parent.

What does this have to do with being Santa's helper? Just this: in Psalm 72:18 we read that "God alone does marvelous things." However, at Christmas time, for little children someone else is portrayed as doing the most marvelous things. Santa brings the toys! Not just any toys, but toys that come in brightly wrapped boxes under a colorful, sparkling tree. These toys have been longed for, prayed for, craved for, hoped for and wished for. This longing has gone on for months if not years. The goodness of Santa is confirmed by the tag on the present: From Santa. Amid the pile of wrappings, bows and empty boxes, happy children know they have been adorned. When I was a child we always left milk and cookies for Santa each Christmas Eve before we went to bed. And sure enough, when my brothers and I bolted out of bed to head for the tree, the milk and cookies were gone. But in their place were presents and full stockings. Santa was for real!

So there is no question that children who experience this visit from Santa feel adorned. Yet this adornment is clearly of the material sort. The children don’t really know “Santa.” But they may actually know his helpers, as I did as a child. His helpers? Why Mom and Dad of course! When Mom and Dad help Santa, good things happen. Toys pour down from the chimney and appear under the tree.

However, if Mom and Dad are Christians, they often may say they are somebody else’s helper. That’s right, parents are also God’s helpers. This brings a question: whom would your children rather you help? Do your children feel the same sense of adornment when you are God’s helper as they do when you are Santa’s helper? Proverbs 1:8-9 implies that children should be adorned (and feel adorned) everyday. Even discipline and correction should feel like adornment to your children. Sadly, most children are anything but adorned by their parents' discipline and instruction. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE A MESS!!!! STOP YELLING AT YOUR SISTER!!! I HAVE TOLD YOU AND TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT. NOW I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SPANK YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE DISOBEYED GOD!

Proverbs teaches that these opportunities for discipline and teaching are to be times of "adorning your children" as with the finest jewelry, just like Christmas time. God is often appealed to as the reason for the spanking or scolding. So, being God's helper can mean spanking, harsh words, cold, silent treatment, banishment to rooms, broken relationships. On the other hand, Santa's helper brings longed for treasures. The contrast is not lost on a young child. Don't misunderstand; I am not saying, "Don't discipline." But the Bible teaches that you can discipline in such a way as to adorn your children. Try the special combination of Proverbs - the rod and pleasant words mixed together (Pro. 16:20-24). This is a powerful combination. Verse 24 says pleasant words promote instruction. This is not easy, but with Christ's Word and the power of the Holy Spirit you can be a different parent -- one who adorns at times other than Christmas.

Teach your children that One more wonderful than Santa loves them and has given them parents to teach them about Christ and true riches. Don't confuse your children by helping a mythical visitor. Tell them that you love them because Christ has loved you. Tell them that your God has given you a rich blessing - your children. Let them know that the gifts they receive are expressions of your love to them. Adorn your children at Christmas. Adorn your children on August 3rd as well, and every other day. Let them know that you are God's helper to bring them into relationship with Him. Let your children know that you are Christ's helper. Tell your children what true riches are. In addition to the gifts that you wrap, adorn your children with gifts that are more valuable than silver and gold. Show them the excellence of being Christ's helper.

This Christmas, whose helper will you be -- Santa's or Christ's? Blessings to you this Christmas Season!

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him. —Matthew 21:31b-32

Expectations play a vital but often misunderstood role in our relationships with teenagers. One of the main sources of discouragement and frustration with teenagers (actually, for all relationships) is their failure to behave as we expect them to in a particular situation. Among other things,  we expect that good judgment will be exercised; we expect that the needs of others will be considered; we expect that they will not embarrass us by their behavior. Right? But—what are you thinking!?  What are those expectations based upon? If your expectations are rooted in the realities of the gospel, then you understand that such behavior, behavior that flows from love for God, is not a natural response. Ah, but you say, I wasn’t expecting that kind of motivation, I was just hoping that my kids would show a little common sense. That’s not too much to ask, is it?

I believe that this exposes the root of the problem about expectations. Let’s restart the narrative of this parable again. Christ has just told the religious leaders that the bad people, the tax collectors and prostitutes, had gone out to see John and had repented. But these leaders still did not go and seek out John. They did not believe they had anything to repent of, and Jesus condemns them for not doing so. Now remember the beginning of the parable. The first son is likened to the obvious sinners that the religious leaders disdained. The second son, who acted properly on the outside but was inwardly bankrupt, is likened to the religious leaders.

As parents, we too often have expectations that are performance based. When the expectations are not met we become disappointed and disapproving. This is exactly what the religious leaders did with their “teenagers,” the ones who didn’t hold them in high esteem and acted like sinners. They disapproved of them and avoided them. But we must do more for our teenagers than that. Don't just demand that they  behave properly and then shun their bad choices and bad friends. Ephesians 6:4 says this kind of expectation will provoke them to anger. Yes, you read correctly. Performance-based expectations will provoke your teenagers to anger,  because such expectations are not consistent with raising them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Gospel-based expectations recognize that only the saving, sanctifying work of Christ will rescue your teenagers from walking in darkness. The religious leaders had the mentality that the “sinners” could do at least as well as they did if they simply chose to. This attitude exposed the leaders for what they were – hypocrites!  Their very attitude of contempt for sinners exposes their own failure to love and care for God's covenant people.  They could not keep God's standard themselves. Neither can you or your children.  Gospel-based parenting means that you want to take your children to the cross, to repentance, forgiveness, and mercy in Christ. This means you can respond to your teenagers with loving compassion instead of anger and condemnation, and tell them that you know being pure and gracious in life is hard, even impossible, without Christ. Expect them to struggle with sin, and be thankful when they repent. Let them know that you have a long way to go as well. Hold out the way of righteousness for them. Talk about their issues. You struggled with them too, when you were a teenager, and perhaps you still do. This removes the stigma of hypocrisy from your parenting. You need repentance, forgiveness, and grace as much as your teenagers do. The religious leaders to whom Jesus was talking should have fled to find John and seek repentance alongside the other “sinners.”

The Bible gives us a much higher standard for our expectations than the world does::  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul,  mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.  But who can meet God's expectations?  Neither you nor your children; only Jesus Christ alone. The gospel offers the only hope that we have. You should want nothing less for your teenagers. So hold up for your children "the more excellent way" of faith and obedience in Christ. Your expectations will then be based on the power of Christ to do what cannot be done in the flesh.

There is much to talk about on this theme. Let me know your thoughts.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18

Umm... what does God have to do with ANYTHING about the financial sector of this or any country? You Jesus freaks are all the same... "money is bad, if you lose everything, god will still love you, blah blah blah" When will people wake up and realize we can't keep falling back on a false deity when things go bad? God has become a defense mechanism. Wake up! there is no God! and if there is, he doesn't care how much money you just lost! quit trying to make yourselves feel better by pretending there is a huge man in the sky that cares so much about you! take responsibility for yourself!

The above comment was received just last week, but it was responding to a post from October, 17th, entitled God, Gas Prices and the Stock Market. The post was about the certainty of God’s care in uncertain times. Sean’s comment indicates some frustration with this focus. Actually, I am grateful for the opportunity to respond to Sean. His views are common. In today’s world your children will hear them with increasing frequency as they grow older. And I also want to address Sean directly – it is appropriate and important to give him honest, biblical answers to the issues he raises. So, here we go.

Sean, thanks for leaving your comment. I will respond to each of your concerns in the order you raised them. First, you ask what God has to do with the financial markets of this world. As Bible-believing Christians we believe that God has everything to do with the functioning of the world, including the financial markets. I know from your perspective that just proves I am as deluded as you think I am. But hang in there with me. How do you know that God has nothing to do with world finances? Did you ask God? Did you experience some inner awakening or epiphany that told you this? Or is your opinion just that—your opinion? I can see by your comment that you are passionate about your beliefs; I am just asking where did the passionate commitment come from that allows you to say with such certainty that the God of the Bible has nothing to do with financial markets? You are, in effect, asking me to wake up and realize that I must believe what you say is reality just because you say it is so. Does that seem reasonable to you? Why should I accept your view, rejecting over 3500 years of carefully documented history that has been embraced as truth by various cultures all over the world? I am open to your answer, but I would also like you to realize what you asking me to do. You want me to agree that God is not who the Bible says he is, but you offer no proof other than your own passionate claims. I am going to need more than that to “wake up,” as you say.

The next thing you said is that we Jesus freaks all think that money is bad. Well, there are some Christians, no doubt, who believe that money is bad, but the Bible teaches that it is only the wrong use of money that is bad. The money in and of itself is neither good nor bad. It is how one uses money that makes the difference. And yes, I do believe that if everything is lost God will still love and care for me. Again, I don’t believe this in a vacuum. This belief is based upon biblical teaching that has been studied and experienced for over 3 millennia. We believe something because it has been propositionally stated in the Bible, studied and put to the test by thousands of readers and scholars, shown to be true in our own experience, and finally and most significantly, revealed to us by the powerful Spirit of God. If you want me not to believe this I will need something more than your passionate statements.

Then you state that God is a false deity. What is it that makes Him false? Do you have proof or experience that you can cite to demonstrate that he is false? It is possible that some difficult or terrible things may have happened to you. But that, in and of itself, does not prove that the God of the Bible is a false God. Many Christians have experienced unspeakable hardship and pain, yet they have built their lives around a certain hope that God not only exists but does good things for his people. Ultimately their proof is not verifiable in human terms, but these folks have a commonality of belief and experience with thousands and thousands of others over time who have found God to be faithful in hard times. Again, I will need more than your assertions to believe that God is false. Nietzsche proclaimed that God is dead. The cover of Time Magazine in 1966 asked if God is Dead. But these things do not make him dead or false. They only prove that some people think so.

You encourage Christians to “quit trying to make yourselves feel better by pretending there is a huge man in the sky that cares so much about you! take responsibility for yourself!” Sean, I can tell you that Christianity is not about feeling better. Christianity is about being made better, something that you and I cannot do for ourselves. My problem and the problem of the rest of the human race is that we have tried to take responsibility for ourselves. This is something that we are not equipped to do. You and I have at least one thing in common that we share with all people – we are sinners. That is, we have failed to make God the center point of our lives. Yes, sin is doing bad things, but it is also doing “good things” for selfish, self-pleasing reasons. The Bible tells me that I am fundamentally flawed and corrupt. But also my own thoughts about myself, when I am honest, tell me this. And, of course, other people tell me this. Sean, the same is true for you. Your own thoughts, when you are alone and away from others, tell you the same thing about yourself – you are fundamentally flawed and corrupt. The only solution is to be made into a different person. The Bible tells us that this happens only by the kindness and particular goodness of Jesus Christ.

So, Sean, there is my response to your comment. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to say these things to you. I think you can understand why I cannot just toss aside my faith in historic, biblical Christianity because you passionately believe that I should. In reality, your request of me requires that I must accept your personal view of who God is (or isn’t) simply because you say so. I pray that you will see that you also need more than this passionate assertion to continue to ignore the Living God. Please comment back.

Let's pray that Sean would be confronted with wonderful life changing person of Jesus Christ. Let’s pray for ourselves that we present God for who he is — a God unlike any other! We must not give our children anything less.

"Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades?
       Can you loose the cords of Orion?

 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons
       or lead out the Bear with its cubs?

Do you know the laws of the heavens?
       Can you set up God's dominion over the earth? Job 38:31-33

I was fascinated by viewing a short clip about a massive Christmas Light display at a home in Pittsburgh, PA. These folks put in an enormous amount of work to make this display happen. Here are just a few of the statistics about this light display:

 *There are over 200,000 lights connected to over 5 1/2 miles of extension cord.

*It took over 3 months to put up the lights, but we work on the display year round. 

*There are around 27 inflatables around the yard (haven't made the final count yet), along with  112 computer controlled channels, this is up from 96 last year. 

*This year's show runs for about an hour featuring 13 songs.

*Each song takes between 10 to 50 hours to sequence.

Here is the link.

As I was still thinking about this accomplishment the webmaster at my church put up a link to the Hubblesite. Then, I gained some perspective. Take some time to examine these images from the Hubble Site. As amazing as the lights in Pittsburgh are, these heavenly lights of God span thousands of light years and were created by him by the power of his word, instantly! What an awsome God!

Accompanying the link was this quote from Dr. Mark Futato:

Do you pray for this power? …
       The next time you are tempted by the thought that the power you need
       is just not there, think of the creation and the power of God manifested in it—
       in the stars, in the lightning, in the earthquakes, in the hurricanes, in the
       tornadoes—and remember that that power, especially the power of Christ
       raised from the dead, is God’s power for you to draw on to overcome the sin
       that remains.
                                      —Mark D. Futato
                        Creation: A Witness to the Wonder of God, 37.

"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.'
" 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.

"Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go.

"Which of the two did what his father wanted?"
      "The first," they answered.

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.  —Matthew 21:28-32

We have been looking at expectations. This short parable in Matthew 21 helps us to base our expectations on the gospel, rather than on performance. This has important implications for parents with teenagers and, as Berta’s comment illustrates, for teenagers themselves, as well.

We have been viewing the interchange in this parable as if it were a video that could be paused. This is actually a good tool for understanding any biblical narrative. A narrative is a retelling of an event or story in historical sequence. It is not only appropriate, but essential that the narrative be read as if you were there witnessing the story as it unfolds. For our purpose—gaining a biblical view of expectations—we have paused the narrative of The Two Sons twice. The first time was when the second son said I will when asked to go work in the field. The second time was when Jesus said that tax collectors and prostitutes were entering the kingdom of God ahead of the esteemed religious leaders of the day. This was a shocking statement. These “sinners” were people to be shunned and avoided. The fact that they would somehow be more pleasing to God than the religious leaders were was unthinkable. Jesus’ words brought reactions of outrage and anger, not only against the sinners, but against Christ himself. That is why we have paused the narrative again at this point. It is essential to understand the impact of Jesus’ words on these leaders who thought they had it all together. Internally they were livid.

Okay, let’s start the video again. Jesus continues to attack their self-righteous expectations. Now he brings John back into the discussion. Remember that the leaders' refusal to acknowledge the legitimacy of John’s ministry in verses 23-27 of this chapter is the occasion for this parable and the one that immediately follows. The people with unacceptable behavior had heeded John’s call to repentance. These leaders had not, at least in part because they didn’t think they had anything for which to repent.
Jesus is using a theme that is a dominant one in the Gospels. We are all in need of a Savior, both those who are tax collectors and prostitutes and those who are on the inside of the religious establishment.

Parents, it is all too easy to look at your teenagers and be disappointed in their behavior. This disappointment often flows from performance expectations instead of gospel expectations. I can hear someone asking, what is a gospel expectation? It is simply this: goodness flows only from a life that has been changed by the gospel. Goodness is not something that can be automatically assumed because a child was raised in a Christian home. You see, the religious leaders assumed and expected that a good Jew, a good Israelite, would not be a prostitute or a turncoat tax collector. As parents it is easy to form an expectation that your child will not lie, cheat, mess with pornography, drink, or hang out with the wrong crowd. We expect they will be better than that. But that is not a gospel based expectation. It is not an expectation rooted in biblical reality. Your children were born predisposed to do things that will make your heart sick and turn your stomach. Look at Galatians 5:19-21:

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Ephesians 2:1-3 says your children were born lusting for these things. Not a pretty picture, is it? In order  for your expectations of your teenagers to be biblical, they must first be based on the gospel. No amount of right parenting will free your children from the lusts of their flesh that they were born with. Only the gospel grace of Jesus Christ can change your children’s desires. When you see these works of the flesh manifest themselves in your children, or in others, the natural, fleshly thing to do is to be disappointed. You expected better of them. But why?  Because they are your children? Simply being your child, no matter how diligent your efforts at parenting, is not enough. You were born with the same issues your kids are having. Only the gospel is enough. Yes, the sinful, fleshly, natural actions of your children are painful. But the response that you make to their sin must be radically different than you expected better of them. Your response must flow from the reality of knowing and living the gospel for yourself.

Okay, time to pause the narrative one last time. We are in the middle of verse 32. Think about your struggles with your teenagers — your disappointments, your heartbreak over their tendencies to do what they were born to do. How can you have a different, biblical attitude towards your children’s sins?

There will be probably one or two posts between this post and the final one in this series. Give this some thought. Let me know your reactions. This is important material to grasp.

Blessings in Christ.

"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.'
" 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.
"Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go.
"Which of the two did what his father wanted?"
      "The first," they answered.
   Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him. Matthew 21:28-32

In the last post we just considered the first part of this passage. The father in the parable could have made a judgment right after the second son said he would go to the field. After all, the first son was defiant and the second son was respectful. It would seem clear – the first son could be expected to defy his father and the second son could be expected to follow through and honor his father. But as the parable continues, just the opposite actually happened. The expectations formed after the initial encounters turned out to be flawed. This is an important lesson to learn in shepherding teenagers. As parents, it is your natural tendency treat your teenagers the way the hypocritical religious leaders in Matthew 21 treated those under their care.

Jesus is talking to the religious establishment of his day in this chapter. These leaders should have recognized the Jesus they saw living before them. However, they expected a different Jesus. They expected a messiah who would meet their standards and honor them in their hypocrisy. They assumed they would be respected as leaders, that Jesus would acknowledge their wisdom and applaud their lifestyle. Instead he did just the opposite. The response of wisdom and humility for the chief priests and elders would have been to question their expectations and see if perhaps their understanding of righteous behavior was flawed. But no, they continued in the same stubborn direction. So, Jesus tells them two parables to illustrate their weakness. Sadly and predictably, the establishment crowd continued in their ways, and after hearing the second parable they began to look for ways to arrest him.

So, how does this connect to parenting teenagers? The point of stopping where I did in the last post was to help gain some understanding of the impact of the narrative on those who heard it. I can imagine that Jesus might well have paused for effect right after the second son said he would go. The phrase “I will, sir,” could have been left hanging just for a moment, before Christ dropped the other shoe. Think about the responses of those listening to Jesus. Well, at least one son did the right thing. He honored his father The first son was a disappointment. The second son, however, was a son to be proud of. He was respectful and eager to please. Perhaps these thoughts were dancing in the minds of the authority bunch. Then Jesus says, "...but he did not go." By viewing this interchange as if we were there it becomes a powerful illustration. Now, Jesus asks, which of these two did what the father wanted? Was it the respectful son who gave the man-pleasing answer or was it the son with the attitude problem? Reluctantly they had to answer: the first son.

Then Jesus drives his point home. The leaders did not expect anything good from the tax collectors and prostitutes. These were people who did not meet the expectations of God's law. They clearly did things that were inappropriate. So, instead of loving them and faithfully calling them to honor God, the leaders contemptuously wrote them off. But their expectations were very wrong. Their problem was they did not expect God to work.

Okay, let’s pause the narrative again. Take some time to think about how this parable has implications for dealing with teenagers who may not meet the expectations that we as parents have set for them. I am drawing this out so that we can consider how our own expectations may be affecting our relationships with our teenagers.

"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.'
" 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.
"Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go.
 "Which of the two did what his father wanted?"
      "The first," they answered. Matthew 21:28-31

Being a teenager is not always easy. This has something to do with why it is not always easy to be the parent of a teenager. As children grow into teenagers, the expectations of both teens and parents also grow. Much of the conflict that arises during these years has to do with unrealistic and unmet expectations. It is these expectations that we will examine in the next two or three posts.

In the parable of the two sons, quoted above, a father asks the first son to go and work in the vineyard. The son indicates he has something better to do than fieldwork. Two people, two expectations. The father expected his request would be met. The son apparently had other expectations for that day. The result is that this first son appears to disregard his father's expectations.

The father then goes to the other son and asks him the same question, would he work in the vineyard? Notice that the first son did not show any respect. He simply and defiantly said, “I will not.” The second son answers with respect, “ I will, sir.” So, now the father has an expectation that his second son will complete the task that the first son was given.

But, biblically, we do not have enough data to draw any conclusions about either son at this point. This is an important key to learning to be a biblical shepherd to your teenager. Why was this point not a good time to form expectations? Take some time to think about it. We will look at some possible answers in the next post. Thinking this issue through has enormous implications for parenting teenagers. Let me know your thoughts!

The law from your mouth is more precious to me
       than thousands of pieces of silver and gold. —Psalm 119:72

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. —Colossians 3:16

This is the season for giving gifts. Parents everywhere are thinking about what their children want for Christmas and, perhaps, what they would like to give their children for Christmas—two things which are not always the same.  More often than not, values differ; that difference leaves you with the question, what should we get the kids for Christmas?

Consider your own values. Knowing Christ through his Word is a great thing.  The Word of Christ dwelling richly provides stability and direction.  The psalmist says it powerfully—the Word of Christ is more precious than thousands of pieces of silver and gold. The Word of Christ enlightens the eyes, brings joy to the heart, provides light to navigate the pathways of life, and is living and active within us. What else can offer such wonder?

Your goal as a parent should be to shepherd the hearts of your children so that they will feed on the rich, nourishing Word of Christ.  That is what will protect them from the beckoning call of the world. Feeding on the Word is more than attempting to control their behavior so that you and they are not embarrassed by that behavior. It is more than doing well in school or learning to make their way in the world. The richness of Christ’s Word provides the knowledge and protection that they need.

So, then, how can you give the gift of God's Word to your children? Is the obvious answer to purchase all of the commentaries, Bible study helps, study Bibles and other study aids you can afford and give these to your children instead of the presents they asked for and that you were going to buy?  Well, some of these might be good, but it's probably not wise to overdo it. No, what I am suggesting is that the best way to present the gift of the Word of Christ to your children is to have that Word dwell richly within you.  A full, energetic relationship with Christ through his Word dwelling in your life is a magnificent gift to your children. Only this will make you a biblical shepherd who is practical, caring and responsive to your children.  Shepherding your child’s heart is an awesome and fearful task, but it is the task God has given you. Attempting this task without Christ’s Word richly living within you will only lead to frustration, both for you and for your children.

Perhaps the most valuable gift you can give to your children is to do a personal evaluation of just how precious the Word of Christ is to you.  Are you thrilled to open your Bible?  Seriously, how much time is given in your life to knowing God’s Word so that you will be able to be a faithful shepherd to your family?  This means that your children will consider themselves to be adorned by your words.  Simply confronting behavior doesn’t require much time in the Scriptures. But if your intention is to address the heart biblically, only the Word of Christ will do. When there is a problem with your children, what are you looking for? A solution to calm things down? — or are you looking to see how you can apply the Word of Christ to bind the relational wounds that your children both inflict and receive?

How great is knowing the Word of Christ to you?  How much do you rely on this Word as you shepherd you children? Remember, you are always a shepherd to your children. Some days you may not be an especially good one, but you are always a shepherd nonetheless. Your children always need your shepherding care.  The most important component of that care is to have the word of your own shepherd, the Great Shepherd, dwelling richly within.