February 2009 Archives

We have looked at the importance of being open to reason. At this point let's take a quick look at James 3:18, the last verse in the section on wisdom from above. The verse reads:  "And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." The goal of being open to reason is to make peace. Often in the middle of the confusion of family disturbances, the goal of peace is lost. Instead, winning is substituted as the goal. The opportunity for a harvest of peace is lost. Damage is done.

To underscore the importance of peace and peacemaking, I have selected several passages that speak of peace. This compilation is by no means comprehensive. Not every verse expresses a complete thought, but each verse places a high value on peace. I challenge you to read the whole list through slowly.  As you read, notice how dominant and how wide-ranging the concept of peace is, as employed by the Holy Spirit. Sadly, as I read them, I began to see that many areas of my conversation are lacking with regard to peace. May the peace of God come to you has you read what the Spirit says about his peace. We will return to the rest of James 3:17 in the next post.

Proverbs 3:16-18 

 ¹⁶ Long life is in her right hand;
       in her left hand are riches and honor.

 ¹⁷ Her ways are pleasant ways,
       and all her paths are peace.

 ¹⁸ She is a tree of life to those who embrace her;
       those who lay hold of her will be blessed.

Proverbs 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
Proverbs 16:7
When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.

Proverbs 17:1
Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.

Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

 John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

 John 20:21
Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."

Romans 14:17
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit…

Romans 14:19
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

Galatians 1:3
Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ,

Galatians 5:22
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Ephesians 2:17
He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.

Ephesians 4:3
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:15
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.

1 Titus 3:1&2
Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, ²to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.

We are looking at the sharp contrast that the book of James makes between two kinds of wisdom , earthly wisdom and wisdom from above. The difference is sharp and distinct. This, of course, has to be the case since the source of earthly wisdom is demonic and the source of wisdom from above is the Holy Spirit. James does not offer a third type of wisdom, wisdom from the middle. It is only one of the two. That means the stakes are high. One type of wisdom leads to war, the other to peace. Read this section in James again in that light.

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. ¹⁴But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. ¹⁵This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. ¹⁶For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. ¹⁷But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. ¹⁸And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.  James 3:13-18 (ESV)

This passage is the reason I asked you to consider carefully the admonition to be "open to reason" in the last post. The call to be open to reason fits with the challenge that James gives in verse 13. If your desire is to be wise and understanding, then you must show this through a wise spirit of meekness. Too often,  especially when there is conflict with teenagers, parenting comes down to insisting on being right. But you must be more than right. James is just as concerned about being “right” as you are. The difference is that God wants you to show wisdom that is so remarkable it can only be attributed to the work of God. Anyone can argue that he is right. But only a Christian acting in the humility of wisdom from above can demonstrate grace that goes beyond being right. Wisdom from above is the only way to present the grace of the gospel in trying situations. Anyone can be "right" about an issue, while responding with hurt, resentment, or stubbornness in the midst of conflict. But only a Christian, humbly loving Christ more than himself, can put off the resentment and stubbornness, and reach through the hurt to show compassion. Only a Christian clinging to the wisdom that comes from above can be truly open to reason.

In the middle of the seven components of wisdom from above listed in James 3:17 is the phrase that the ESV translates open to wisdom. Other translations translate the same words as submissive, willing to yield, compliant and reasonable. In any dispute, a charge you will not hear brought against someone is that that person is open to reason. It will be just the opposite; he won’t listen to reason! And yet here it is clearly listed—open to reason.

To be open to reason, you must be both wise and confident. The wise person is comfortable with God’s word. This means that he knows where to go in the Bible for help. He knows that the Bible has everything needed for life and godliness. He knows that a wise man listens first and asks questions later. The one who is open to reason is also confident.The biblical confidence noted here flows from the words in James 1. The double-minded man, the man who asks in doubt, cannot be stable. In contrast, the one who is open to reason welcomes the opportunity to hear from others. He knows where to find answers in his Bible. He is not afraid to hear what others say or want, because he knows God’s Word addresses every issue he might face, and he genuinely wants God's answers more than he wants to prove himself right.

In a dispute, self-protection is often the first instinct. But for the wise man the first thought will be to listen, so that genuine understanding can develop. The wise man isn't compelled to defend himself first. This attitude breaks down barriers rather than erecting them.

Being open to reason is an important component of wisdom from above. Are you open to reason? Would those around you say that you are open to reason? Please give this some serious thought. I’ll finish looking at this key component in the next post.

Wisdom from above. Wisdom from God. What does it look like? This one sentence in James 3:17 lists seven facets of the wisdom that comes from heaven. The first three facets show the radical nature of following God.  Let’s look at them one by one. However, before we start it is only fair to issue a warning to anyone who chooses to read further. Reading—and then implementing wisdom from heaven—will be hazardous to your flesh. It is simply not possible to take these words seriously and continue to live and speak just as you have been doing for years. The change may be painful, but it is the change of putting off what is old and destined for destruction anyway, and putting on that which is new and bound for heaven, where this wisdom originates. If you are not sure that you want the wisdom of heaven to shake up your life and your parenting, then please stop reading now. As Jesus told the Laodiceans, and as James stated in the first part of chapter 1 of his epistle, you can’t have it both ways. It is either God’s wisdom or yours; wanting both will result in a life of misery and doubt. If you want the wisdom from God that this verse speaks of, please listen to the warning James gives:

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Okay, are you ready? Have you asked God for courage to keep going? Good—let’s go for it.

Wisdom from above is, first of all, pure. This means that what is most important is doing what God wants and only what God wants, for his glory and honor. There are no mixed motives . Purity speaks of a heart fully devoted to God and his ways. Your spouse and children must see that your overriding desire is to have a pure, genuine heart that places God first. Your parenting must flow from your love of Christ and not your love of self. If you demonstrate purity, your children will come to see that you are not insisting on obedience because it pleases you, but because it pleases God. 

Next, wisdom from above is peaceable. Think back over the last week. How has your spirit been with your children, with your husband or wife? If your family were asked, would they say you have been deeply committed to peace in your family? Remember, God knows that we are not perfect, so I know that your track record, even for a week, will not be a perfect one. But even so, have you been sufficiently committed to peace that those around you would quickly say that peaceableness has been your goal as you deal with them? If this is painful, remember that I warned you. But don’t stop now. You have asked God for the courage to change. He will be faithful to help you. If you want to practice the wisdom from above you must be about peace – so much so that your family will see and acknowledge it.

The next facet of God’s wisdom is gentleness. True gentleness expresses strength, confidence and power. Biblical gentleness is never a sign of weakness; rather, it is having the wisdom to use only the strength appropriate to the situation. If you commit to bring to your parenting only that which is from God, you will develop a deep confidence in the truth of his Word.  Peace follows, because you know that what you are asking for is what God wants. That is how you become a person of peace even when you are doing battle for God. If there is purity and peace, then there can and must be gentleness. But this is gentleness that indicates a quiet confident strength – you know what God wants and are seeking him for the power to bring honor to him in spite of your own weakness.

It would be easy to write a lengthy post on each of the seven facets of wisdom in James 3:17. Perhaps at a later date, I will. But for now, take a hard, sincere look at godly wisdom. Purity, peace, and gentleness —do these belong to you as a parent? If not, God will powerfully answer your sincere, faithful prayer for this wisdom of his from above. It will change your life.

Next we will look at something that I was afraid of for years as a father of teenagers—I was afraid of being open to reason—not a good attitude, as I came to learn. But more on this in the next post. As always, I look forward to your comments.

The book of James has a lot to say about wisdom. Some have called James the wisdom literature of the New Testament. Early in chapter one the importance of wisdom is underscored by the promise that wisdom will be freely given to those who genuinely ask for it. Certainly, parents need wisdom to faithfully represent God to all of their children. But I believe that perhaps the greatest need for wisdom is when interacting with teenagers. Teenagers seem to appear out of the blue. Yesterday, you had a respectful child who seemed eager to please and thought that most of the things you said and did were wise and wonderful. This morning you woke up and found a stranger living in an older version of the body that used to belong to your child. This person seems to think that very little you do is wonderful. You look at your spouse in disbelief and say, what happened?

Did someone mention wisdom? Well, James 3 talks about wisdom in helpful and explicit ways. And, as a father who has raised 5 teenagers who are now in their 20s, I can also say that James talks about wisdom in ways that can be painful. They were painful for me because my own understanding of wisdom was in need of a drastic overhaul. Verse 17 of this chapter is a description of wisdom from above. The description fits with the style of Old Testament Wisdom literature. There is a list of seven components of wisdom, with the one that is, perhaps, the most crucial right in the middle.

The verse reads this way in the ESV:

But the wisdom from above is first

pure,

then peaceable,

gentle,

open to reason,

full of mercy and good fruits,

impartial and

sincere.

It is more challenging to look at each of the components of wisdom from above separately, as distinct parts that make up a complete, or perfect whole. In just this one description lies a beautiful and powerful picture of godly wisdom.

This series of posts will focus on these seven components and how wisdom from above can improve your relationship with your teenagers for the glory of God. To get started, take a look at the seven items listed above, and then ask yourself how your communication with your teenager compares to wisdom from above.

The apostle Paul ends this section with a strong benediction in Ephesians 3:20. He says that God is able to do immeasurably more that we would dare imagine. The ESV wording is even stronger: it says infinitely more than we might think or ask.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. NIV

 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ESV

Let me get right to the point. If this passage is true, then why are we so easily discouraged with our parenting? I believe Paul places these particular words right before he begins the application portion of Ephesians (chapters 4-6) precisely because he does not want Christians to lose hope. In the next few paragraphs Paul lays out a radical way of living, for the Ephesians and for us in the 21^st century. Paul was eminently aware of just how contrary to the world’s ways these “basic” directives of the Christian faith would be to his readers. He wanted them to know that the full power of God was available to them as they began to implement the instructions of the Holy Spirit.

For example, in chapter 6 we read, Children obey your parents in the Lord. What is so radical about that, you may ask? The radical part is the last three words: in the Lord. Even the world wants children who obey and do what they are told. But Paul adds a stunning qualifier. He says that simply coming when called is not enough. Paul says children are to come when called, in the power of God. That is radical. It means your parenting may not be evaluated on how quickly and how correctly your children respond to your directions. Your parenting must lead your children to do these things in the Lord, otherwise they are not doing right at all. As you think about this directive, it is overwhelming. Ephesians 6:1 appears to be such a simple verse. But when the last three words are the focus, the verse becomes a radical challenge to every accepted practice in the world around you. The world will always focus on outward behavior. But the Holy Spirit, through Paul, says that is not nearly enough. And actually, if that is all that happens—outward, quickly-responsive behavior—then it is not only lacking, it is wrong. It is wrong because it is not done in the Lord.

That is why Paul’s encouragement at the end of chapter 3 is so important. We need this encouragement or we would give up in despair. Children obey your parents in the Lord is just as radical a directive as wives be submissive to your husband as to the Lord and as husbands love your wives as Christ loves his church. And remember, Paul has made the plot even more intriguing. Your children are to obey in the Lord, even though they began life as an enemy of God (Ephesians 2:1-3). This is too much for us to handle! But Paul says that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine. In terms of parenting, he wants us to ask for more than children who come quickly when they are called. He wants us to ask him for children who will come quickly because they want to honor God. God is able to answer that prayer ... and immeasurably more!

Marriage and parenting are not human ideas. They are created by God for his purposes. The institution of the family was not made primarily for us. Does that sound illogical? Let me explain. Yes, things work best when we follow God’s direction for family living. But the bigger picture is that first and foremost, the institution of family exists for the glory of God. So we should not claim marriage primarily for our own enjoyment and fulfillment and then, secondarily, seek to honor God in marriage. No, marriage is designed to be a human picture of Christ’s relationship to the church. Ephesians 5:21-33 is not an afterthought. The idea of Christ and his bride, the church, came first; then came the human institution of marriage to illustrate the first and greater relationship.  The same progression is also true for parenting. God the Father and God the Son were the first family (Ephesians 3:15). The human counterpart came afterwards. Humans tend to start with themselves; they see family and parenting belonging exclusively to themselves. So, one can parent the way one wants to. Christians must avoid this flawed notion. Instead, see that children are a blessing, not because they are wonderful all the time (which they are not), but because having children illustrates for us the divine pattern of Father and Son.

Consider the great advantage of viewing parenting in this light. Children are a part of the family  in order for the family to reflect (on a human level) the familial structure that existed in the Godhead before time began. It is an awesome privilege to have children—you have the opportunity to reflect the glory of God in all that you do. That is why it is important to rely on Scripture as the rule of faith and practice in raising your children. Nothing except Scripture can impart the wisdom of God about how families should interact. Psychological insights that do not take into account the divine order cannot offer wisdom about parenting. God’s Word is not just one of the ways to understand parenting—it is the only way that takes into account the way families were made.

Thus, you can trust God to provide you with the direction and power you need. Yes, parenting is challenging. But just listen to what the apostle Paul prays that you may have as you pursue this and other tasks in the Christian life:

… And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19

 God wants you to grasp the immense power that is available to you. You have nothing less than the love of Christ to help you as you parent. It is his institution and not yours. So, encouraging disciplined responses in your children is not simply a matter of teaching obedience because it suits you; it is teaching them to obey because that is how Jesus obeyed his father. Jesus obeyed his father for the joy that was set before him, to bring honor to his Father's name. That is the goal for your children as well.  Does this seem overwhelming? That is why Paul prays that you will grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. It is not a inspirational phrase for wall plaque—it is the source of power for life as you live for his glory.

Parenting can seem to be a lonely occupation at times—just you, the kids, and the digital clock on the nightstand. Gone from your memory are the baby showers, first steps, birthday parties, and adoring friends fawning over your children. Instead, you are faced with one child who is sick and another one who is whining that he has no one to play with since his sister is sick in bed (the same sister that has gifted you with the same cold she has). Your husband is out of town for three days and it is raining, a cold winter’s rain. Lonely, indeed.

Two thousand years ago, your brother Paul knelt before his Father and yours and prayed a simple, profound prayer for you. No, Paul didn’t know you by name, but the Holy Spirit did. He directed Paul to pray this compassionate prayer for you, because he knew you would face the loneliness that sometimes comes in a life lived according to God's priorities. Read these words:

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19).

These words are crafted for all times. This prayer is for times when you know the powerful reality of God’s blessing, and also for times of sorrow, times of testing, and times of loneliness. Christ dwelling in your heart by faith—it seems almost too much to ask. But this is exactly the beauty of faith:  it is the gift of God. When you are overwhelmed by loneliness in the presence of your children, this prayer is for you! God’s power is available for you through the power of the Spirit. It is not power you have to generate. It is the Spirit’s awesome power. This power points you to the love of Christ that surpasses loneliness. This is the same Christ who was tempted in all things just as you are. He knew the loneliness of being with those who did not see what he saw. Yet he was faithful to his Father and to your Father. Think, pray, and know the love of God in the depth of your loneliness. It is there for you. The cold will pass, both yours and your child’s. The whining will be transformed to gratitude. Your husband will come home, and the rain will give way to the warmth of spring. But most importantly, Jesus Christ will continue to intercede for you so that you will know the riches of Christ in you, the hope of glory.

We have looked at some challenging topics in recent weeks: Facebook, Schoolwork and Gaming.

Now I want to take the next several posts to focus on the wonder of Christ. Parenting is a demanding and draining calling. The tendency of our flesh is to fall into a routine and then to count on that routine to keep us on track. While there is value in routine, it must not drive your parenting. To present the wonder of Christ to your children, regardless of their age, Christ himself must be a wonder to you.

Ephesians 3:14-21 will help you to see the awesome wonder of Christ. Too often, this passage is seen as a summary statement, or inspirational thoughts, but it is not seen as practical help for day-to-day living. I would submit that just the opposite is true. Take some time to consider this passage in light of the parenting challenges you face each day. Parenting is warfare. You have an enemy that does not want to lose any of his combatants to the Kingdom of God (Ephesians 2:1-3). Don’t be deceived—only the wonder of Christ will sustain you in this battle. 

 For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen  (Ephesians 3:14-21).

As we conclude this series on gaming, there is one more question that remains: Can Christians engage in gaming with a good conscience? The answer, I believe, is yes, given a significant qualifier:  This pursuit must be done with biblical wisdom. Wisdom is the skill that comes from a deep passionate love of God’s truth. You may have been born with intelligence, precocity, and a good memory, but with regard to wisdom, you were born a fool. Wisdom is a skill that may only be acquired through great energy and faith. Protection from the allure of gaming comes from a vigorous pursuit of wisdom. Take a moment to read Proverbs 1:30-2:6.

30 since they would not accept my advice
       and spurned my rebuke,

 31 they will eat the fruit of their ways
       and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

 32 For the waywardness of the simple will kill them,
       and the complacency of fools will destroy them;

 33 but whoever listens to me will live in safety
       and be at ease, without fear of harm."

1 My son, if you accept my words
       and store up my commands within you,

 2 turning your ear to wisdom
       and applying your heart to understanding,

 3 and if you call out for insight
       and cry aloud for understanding,

 4 and if you look for it as for silver
       and search for it as for hidden treasure,

 5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
       and find the knowledge of God.

 6 For the LORD gives wisdom,
       and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

This passage is really an extension of Proverbs 1:7. It describes an earnest, energetic, almost frantic pursuit of wisdom and understanding. For Christians, the pursuit of wisdom must not be casual or sporadic. The casual pursuit of wisdom is no match for the powerful attraction of electronic gaming. You and your children must have your wisdom skills finely honed in order to even think wisely about what gaming activity, if any,  should be enjoyed.

Developing this skill of wisdom is the result of having a mind renewed by the redemptive power of Christ. As we mentioned earlier, you won’t find the term electronic gaming in any concordance. But if you give yourself to the pursuit of wisdom as if your life depended on it—and it really does (Deut. 32:44-47)—then you will be building the principial base you need in order to evaluate the impact of gaming. Let me stress this again:  you must begin with the passionate acquisition of wisdom before you or your kids even think about gaming. 

This challenge is the same one given by Paul to Timothy. Paul is calling Timothy to warfare that yields a good conscience:   "This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, 19 holding faith and a good conscience… "  I Timothy 1:18-19.

You must be just as prepared for warfare as Timothy was. If your children see this commitment in you, you will indeed be holding out the word of life to them.

You see, once we have laid the groundwork, the particular answer to a question—like what to do about gaming—need not be long and complicated. Please read and reread the passage in Proverbs referenced above. To apply this passage faithfully takes great wisdom and courage. It takes great wisdom and courage to engage in gaming that glorifies our great God. This is the vision you want to give your children. The Christian life is much more about being strong and courageous in pursuit of glory than it is about trying to figure out what not to do.

 Let me know your thoughts and if you have any questions or additional things to consider.

 Whenever you find an activity that is not directly mentioned in Scripture, it is necessary to find the biblical principles that apply to the activity. It is important to identify the appropriate principles because no activity is neutral before God. As Romans 14:23 says, "…whatever does not proceed from faith is sin." "Electronic gaming" is one of those phrases that is missing from your concordance, but it is surely a part of life to which the Bible applies.

As we have seen in previous posts, it is helpful to place any activity (such as gaming) in the context of creation, the fall and redemption. The process of biblical analysis would be to ask the following questions:  How was the principle used before the fall? How has sin distorted what could have been? How does the redemptive work of Christ allow us to redeem that which was lost? Let's apply these questions to gaming. Apart from responding to obvious, overt sin in a game, the principle that most appropriately applies is the use of time. Thus, the dynamic we are looking for in this situation is what role does faith play in redeeming our use of time for God’s glory?

Let’s go back to Colossians 2 for a moment. Verse 8 warns against being taken captive by the basic principles of this world. Therefore, to develop a distinctly biblical principle regarding the use of time we will have to go beyond what the world offers. This chapter is also helpful because in verses 20-23 it identifies what some of the world’s principles and regulations are:

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

This is valuable insight. The world uses rules to solve problems of behavior. So some of the world’s solutions to the problem of too much time spent on gaming would involve rules and manipulation. Such rules—for example, limiting the time that games are played, complaining about how bad the games are, and saying that time could be better spent doing something else—are actually steps on the road toward captivity. Notice in verse 23 that harsh, strict rules lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. There is perhaps no better description of the uncontrolled, obsessive time spent in electronic gaming than the term sensual indulgence. But, as the text says, even strict rules will not restrain these desires.

This message must not be missed. You cannot defeat the power of the world by using the world’s tactics. That temptation is a huge part of the enemy’s strategy. The enemy creates a problem – sensually alluring games that inflame desires that cannot be satisfied. Then he provides you with a solution – strict, pervasive rules – that he knows will not work. The result: angry teenagers, frustrated parents, lost productivity and broken relationships. That is what it means to be taken captive by the deceptive principles of this world. 

So what is the answer? For that we have to go back to verses 6&7 of Colossians 2:

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Christians are to live in the strength provided by faith. In working this out with your gamer, you want him to know that you know what he struggles with. He may respond that he doesn’t think he has any struggles except not being allowed to play the game as much has he wants to. But you know that internally he is not a happy camper. You know the games ultimately don’t satisfy. All they do, in the words of Ephesians 4:17-19, is to provide a continual drive to play again and again and again. The games never satisfy; they only light the fires for more of the same.

Responding in faith means that you first acknowledge the problem and its intensity. Then, the solution is not simply to stop playing the games and to start doing schoolwork or yard work or cleaning. Rather, you want to find ways in which your teenagers can accomplish important things for which they are valued and appreciated. This is the problem with the large chunks of unstructured time. You may be thinking, if he really wanted to be helpful he would use the free time to do something useful. However, these silent wishes are no substitute for leadership and loving direction. Your teenager may just as likely  be thinking that if there is unstructured time he can do with it what he wants. In this vacuum he is likely to listen to the loud, seductive call of folly. Again, each of you is disappointed in the other.

To redeem the time, it is important to be able to do something that actually matters. Help your teenager to see that the things he does can actually make a difference. This may take some time and effort. It means that you have to know your teenager and what he can do well. Christ has made it possible for him to engage in work that is redemptive in nature, rather than being self-pleasing. If your children have professed faith, encourage them to a higher calling than just killing (literally) time. Time is redeemable. It must be seen as a precious commodity. Boredom can come from not seeing the value and potential of unstructured time.

 If your children have not professed faith, then do not be content with the status quo. Show them the dynamic of the creation, fall, redemption reality. Show them that seeing fallenness as the norm leads only to despair. Believing that the fall is normal  and unchangeable is the force behind the existential, postmodern thought that dominates modern culture. Christianity offers something far better. Christianity offers redemption from what we know as "normal." Again, you have work to do to bring the challenges of God to the situation at hand. However, you also have the promise of God’s help and his power.

This is no small task. But it is the gospel. Faith in Jesus Christ means that life is more than gaming. Life is knowing God as we embrace doing God’s things. For parents, there is perhaps no greater task than showing your children that this fallen world with its elaborate games is not all that there is. To have the opportunity to point them to the real power found in the gospel is cause for gratitude. Gratitude is often the forgotten component in dealing with parenting problems. Colossians 2:7 says you should be overflowing with thankfulness. If you are not, you are not presenting true gospel faith to your kids, because you are not living it out yourself. Be thankful that right now, in the midst of all of the struggles you have in life, you have the opportunity to show those around you that there is more to life than a fallen world. This is the power of the gospel that will reach the heart of your gamers.

As always, let me know your thoughts.

Here is brief summary of the posts on gaming to date.

There are at least two defining biblical principles that can be applied to gaming:

1.  Gaming must not detract from a biblically productive life.

2.  Gaming, if it is to be done, must proceed from faith.

Proverbs 12:11 demonstrates that electronic gaming can definitely lead to a lack of productivity. ("¹¹ He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment." niv) The next issue, then, is to understand what drives the desire for gaming. This was examined in the post on gaming and pursuit. Finally, in the last post, we began to look at how to offer a biblical alternative. We’ll pick up that thought now.

Man was made to pursue greatness. If Adam had not sinned, our lives would have been completely productive and purposeful. Bringing honor to God would have been a 24/7 labor of delight and love. We all would have known each night the sweet sleep that follows productive days of hard work for God’s glory. Even to write these words is heartbreaking. I think of all the things that I could have done, and at times I am overwhelmed by the ravages of sin in this area of productivity. Sin has and is calling God’s people to a life that is counterproductive to God’s glory. Teenagers who are capable of great things are corrupted by games masquerading as meaningful pursuits. Adults who could be participating in adding to the reputation of God are instead captivated by chasing rabbit trails on Facebook and watching reality TV that is contrived to appeal to human vanities. What plagues the gamers often plagues their parents as well.

In the last post I suggested that we place gaming in the context of creation, the fall and redemption. It is only in this context that the real damage done by excessive gaming can be seen. Our culture is attempting with renewed vigor to rid itself of a Christian worldview. By stripping away the wonder of creation and the hope of redemption in Christ we are left with only the perspective of the fall. In our culture there is no appreciation for man as he was created, only as he is evolving. Thus, there is no need for redemption. Man’s fallen state has become the norm. In order to think biblically about life as Christians we must consider all three perspectives. What could life have been like? How has sin distorted what could have been? How does the redemptive work of Christ allow us to redeem that which was lost? Colossians 2:8 warns against being captivated by a worldview that considers only our fallen state. "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ."

The human traditions of this world know only the perspective of the fall and, therefore, try to deceive us into thinking that man is not really fallen, but simply evolving. Yes, man is flawed, but he is getting better. Creation and redemption are ideals born of myth and oppressive religion. An evolving man has no need of a Savior and redemption; he will heal himself.

So what does this have to with gaming? Well, it explains many of the dark areas of electronic gaming. Themes of demons, hell and graphic violence are mixed together with themes of conquest and challenge. Sin is just dark fiction—not reality, and certainly not damning. So these themes are not wrong in themselves. There is no God to offend, only senses to stimulate. This is the result of living life without a true understanding of both creation and the fall. 

This understanding of the creation and the fall should help to answer a question asked by one reader. She asked for a concrete example of this statement: conformity to the world means to attempt to change the impact of the fall without the vision of creation. Here is an example as it relates to gaming. You see your teenager locked into gaming mode. You know he is consumed by the games that he plays. His schoolwork is suffering. He has no time for family or friends outside of his gaming milieu. If you look at the problem of too much gaming only from the perspective of the fall, you may offer a solution that is just as defective as the problem. If all you do is to limit the time spent on gaming or attempt to eliminate the games completely you haven’t addressed why he plays. You have only addressed how he plays. This is looking at the problem without the vision of creation.

 We are made to pursue great and meaningful things. But since the fall we naturally pursue things that please us rather than God. Some may pursue excellence in sports or the arts or business achievements. Others may pursue excellence in the escapist world of games. The gamer can’t tell the difference. And indeed, without living for the glory of God there isn’t much difference. As Ecclesiastes says, life without God is meaningless, empty and vain.

How do you help bring about change in your gamer? When the human drive for conquest and pursuit that has been fueled by intense gaming, trying to stop or redirect this drive is like trying to stop a runaway train. If you don't understand and address the reason this drive is so compelling, you will only frustrate both yourself and your teenager. But, if you can help him see biblically why gaming is so compelling, you may be able to help him see the dangers in gaming for what they truly are. The only truly satisfying alternative to the driving allure of gaming lies in the redemptive work of Christ.

Parents, before you can pass on this redemptive understanding to your teenagers, it must first be what drives you. You must have a clear vision that is shaped by the wonder of creation and the hope of redemption. This is where the second defining principle comes into play. To understand the redemptive work of Christ, you must first be driven by faith in Christ. We will take this up in the next post.

Creation. Fall. Redemption. These are the great themes of humanity.  No, you won’t see these three themes given much status by  AP, CNN, USA Today, Fox News or for that matter, Rush Limbaugh. These are however, God’s themes. Creation speaks of the majestic plan and purpose of God for planet Earth. Then came the fall and all of mankind was plunged into darkness and pursuit of the glory of self rather than the glory of God. The stunning creature that was man, the creature that Psalm 8 speaks of, began to use his powerful  attributes in self-worship.  What has followed in human history has not been pretty. But, God in his mercy did not leave man in futile, evil darkness. He sent his son to bring both a new life and the newness of life, His Son Jesus brings the hope of redemption to sin-darkened minds and pursuits. 

Too  many Christians live in conformity to the world, that is we live as the fall were all that mattered. Conformity to the world means at least these two points. The first point is that conformity to the world means to attempt to change the impact of the fall without the vision of creation for what things could have been.  The second point is that conformity to the world means the attempt to change the impact of the fall apart from the redemptive power of Christ.  So, progress is measured by changes in behavior, not a growing love for Jesus Christ and his ways. This is what the world does – it manipulates behavior so that the impact of the fall will be less troublesome.  The world of the fall becomes “the real world”; creation and redemption are of no practical consideration. 

So, for example, when you consider the area of gaming it may seem wise to limit the time spent gaming as the solution to too much time spent on games.  This is living in light of the fall and not appreciating the magnificence of what we were created to be nor the power of redemption to be able to see God’s power in life and its pursuits.   So, we settle for manipulating behavior rather than challenging the heart.

This is what Colossians 2:8 warns about:

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

I want to move slowly here with this foundational material to provide time for you to think these things through. Let me know your thoughts and questions.  There will be practical applications to the gaming issue in the next post.

In the last post on gaming we looked at the difference between the pursuit of productivity and the pursuit of fantasy. The operative word here is pursuit. Proverbs 12:11 contrasts someone who productively works his land with someone who chases or pursues empty fantasies. Both individuals are in active pursuit of a goal. Sometimes the one chasing fantasies becomes obsessed with his pursuit, even though it is meaningless. This is true of hard-core gamers. Everything else in life becomes secondary—the game is the thing. While your children may not be at the level of the seriously hard-core, it is not difficult to see when the games pull them toward obsession. You may think to yourself, what is the big deal, can’t he see this is wasting his life? If only he could be this dedicated to do doing something that matters!

In order to understand the attraction of electronic gaming you must first understand that both the pursuit of things that are productive and the pursuit of things that are empty flow from the way that God made us. I can hear someone saying (even across cyberspace!) God didn’t make us to spend hours playing Grand Theft Auto! No, but he did create man in his own image and task him with the responsibility to subdue the earth and have dominion over its creatures.

 And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth." Genesis 1:28

Humans were created by God and instructed to subdue and dominate the creation. This command was pre-Fall. So this task, before sin, would have been carried out with wisdom, gentleness and with great energy! It would have been consuming in a good and wonderful way. Adam’s first tasks were to name the animals (a form of dominion in itself) and to guard and care for the garden. The idea of Adam and Eve wandering around the garden with nothing more to do than soak up the sunshine is not biblical. Rather, they were created in the image of God to develop and govern the earth itself, for the glory of God. What a breathtaking vocation!

Like so many other good things, sin corrupted this perfect, glorious pursuit and turned humans toward the pursuit of their own desires and pleasures. What started as a delight to the eye for Eve has become wanton lusting for eyes that have no concern for the honor of God. We see evidence of this selfish pursuit written in the blood stained pages of human history. We see humans driven to pursue personal glory no matter what the cost to them and to others. And yes, we see some driven to pursue the beckoning world of gaming, even if it costs them dearly in terms of relationships with others and productivity in the “real” world. The reality is that if man is not driven to pursue God’s glory, he will pursue his own, often not understanding fully why—not fully understanding that he was made with a drive to achieve and dominate.

The total sensory environment provided by today’s gaming world is seductively enticing. It entices the eyes and tempts the cravings of the flesh. With physical feedback—from joysticks and game controllers to surround sound, life-like graphics, and finally, to themes of escape and conquest—electronic gaming appeals to the way God made us. Gaming appeals to man’s ultimate function in life to subdue and to dominate. Of course, apart from the redemptive work of Christ, that purpose has become tragically distorted and perverted. Even Christians are tempted to pursue dominion for personal gain, quite apart from the glory of God. The reason the gamer is so enthralled by the games he plays is that he was made for the pursuit. Thus, the attraction is real. It is strong. It is captivating. At this level, the attraction is similar to the attraction of pornography. Man was also made to be a sexual being, but the Fall has corrupted that purpose as well. So tens of millions of people, young and old, are driven to pursue the world of online pornography instead of pursuing sex for the glory of God. Seduction works by offering to satisfy a valid, legitimate desire by illegitimate means. 

So, this is the first key to dealing with the power of gaming. Understand that we were made for pursuit, for dominion, for battle. However, because of our sin and depravity since the Fall, the natural inclination of our hearts is to battle against the purposes that God made us for. We battle for ourselves and the sinful cravings of the flesh (Ephesians 2:1-3). We were born as warriors for ourselves and for Satan, not for God.  Now, by God’s grace, Christians are called to fight against these things. Indeed, we must be better fighters than the world around us. In I Timothy 6, Paul urges Timothy to fight the good fight. The way to end the pursuit of gaming is to take up a different pursuit—the fight for the glory of God in all of life. Simply putting restrictions in place to limit gaming will only add fuel to a raging fire. The hard-core gamer is locked in a mortal battle, but it is not the one on his screen—it is the one in his heart.

Since people were designed by God to take up the fight for glory and dominion in a good way, that must be the alternative offered to your children and to those captivated by gaming. There is a better pursuit than the one offered by the gaming world. That is why we looked in a previous post at examining your children’s schedules. If there are large chunks of open time in a child's world, many voices will tempt him to empty, deceptive pursuits. Dame Folly calls loudly to those not driven by the pursuit of the glory of God. Simply saying no to gaming will not silence the seductive call of Folly.

Therefore, is all gaming bad? How do you instill purpose and drive for the glory of God that can compete with gaming? The answers are coming. Stay tuned.

This Monday, February 2^nd, I have the privilege of doing a live radio interview with Rick Horne, author of Get Outta My Face. You can listen live on the Internet at 1 pm, at this location: http://www.christiantalk660.com Just click on the listen button. It is a call-in program, so call 1-888-660-9535 if you would like to join in. I would love to hear from you.

This book is a needed and helpful addition to the field of dealing with teenagers. Sadly, too many Christian families are plagued by intense and disturbing relations between parents and their teenage children. Rick Horne takes these issues head on and offers targeted help from the rich resources of biblical wisdom literature. Here is an excerpt from his book, demonstrating his sympathetic understanding of the problems and offering hope that things can be dramatically different, by God’s grace.

The testimony of Scripture is that our words make a difference: changing people and situations. In fact, Proverbs 18 asserts that our words tend to move things in one of two directions:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (v. 21).

Our words to angry or unmotivated teens are no exception. What we speak can encourage or discourage, energize or dishearten. How we speak to our teens and what we say can exasperate and infuriate, or communicate hope and anticipation. Truly, our words tend to influence our hearers toward the most radical of extremes: either death or life.

Of course, we want life for our teens. Proverbs 15:4 tells us how we can help move our teens in that direction, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life.” Bracketing the Bible with its appearances in Genesis and Revelation is the ultimate “tree of life.” Rightly used, it brings health and healing to broken people. The LCLP process shows you how to bring a gentle tongue to your every conversation with angry, unmotivated young adults, thus pointing them toward life.

Wise, gentle speech can whet your teen’s appetite with hope that things in his or her broken world can change for the better. Pray that your Father will use the biblical principles that underlie listening big, clarifying narrow, looking wide, and planning small to usher in that kind of hope. By God’s grace let your words produce, not merely changes in your teen’s outward behavior, but, as Part III will show, changes in the heart, wherein lie the “springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

This is an example of the wise, compassionate counsel that you will receive from Rick Horne. Why not take time to listen to the interview today? You can purchase the book here.

We will return to the topic of gaming in the next post.