April 2009 Archives

This series of posts is dealing with the impact of lust on Christian families. As we have seen, lust is a sin that impacts all of life. Its demands are relentless, the guilt is dominating, the anticipation and desire for things that will never satisfy is consuming. Lust also attacks relationships, especially between parent and child. Talking about lust is not a favorite topic of conversation between teenagers and parents, but as Proverbs 6:20-24 teaches, the words of parents are key to preventing sexual sin in the lives of children. When you discover that your teenager is viewing Internet pornography, the way you respond is important. We have already looked at one type of response that is not helpful. Here is a response that should be more effective for pointing your teenager to Christ.

As you start the conversation (and it does need to be a conversation), remember that this is probably more difficult for your son or daughter than it will be for you. Enter the conversation depending upon your faith, not your anger! (James 1:20) You must also enter this conversation with compassion. Whether he realizes it or not, your teenager has just been in a losing battle with the enemy of his soul. His mind, his sensibilities, and the truths he has been taught have been viciously assaulted by the powers of this dark world. A firm gentleness is called for. In this scenario, you have discovered the sinful activity, so there will most likely be a defensive reaction. That is why you should pick an appropriate time to talk. Find a time that will not cause you to be hurry through it; you don't want to cut the conversation short as you or your son head out the door for some other activity.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has reversed a policy decision of the Bush Administration.  Seventeen-year=olds will soon be able to buy a "morning after" pill to be used as an emergency contraceptive. Fox News reported the story this way on April 22:

WASHINGTON -- Seventeen-year-olds will soon be able to buy the "morning after" emergency contraceptive without a doctor's prescription, after the Food and Drug Administration bowed to a federal judge's order Wednesday.

Reversing a contentious policy of the Bush administration, the FDA said in a brief statement it will not appeal a judge's order that overturns restrictions limiting over-the-counter sales of "Plan B" to women 18 and older.

U.S. District Judge Edward Korman ruled last month in a lawsuit filed in New York that Bush administration appointees let politics, not science, drive their decision to restrict over-the-counter access.

Korman ordered the FDA to let 17-year-olds get the birth control pills. He also directed the agency to evaluate whether all age restrictions should be lifted.

It has been a while since the last mini-post--information or a comment about some topic or event at Shepherd Press. This mini-post is to draw your attention to a new item on the right hand column of the blog. This new feature is called Worth a Look. Under this heading you will learn when Shepherd Press will have a booth at a popular conference, information about new titles and other products, or other Shepherd Press activities. For example, Broken-Down House by Paul David Tripp is now available for pre-order. Broken-Down House is a book about living in a troubled world. This is a timely and needed volume. You will be hearing more about it as the publication date draws near.

When you are viewing the blog, check out Worth a Look.

In the last post we examined the case of a 15-year-son who was caught viewing pornography on the Internet. I described one possible way of addressing this issue and asked what was missing. Jo weighed in with her comment. Her answer - the gospel. She is right, and she offers some helpful thoughts on this problem. But I want to stress that when we say the gospel is needed, that does not mean there is no further work to be done. As Paul worked with great energy to teach what the gospel meant, so parents must also seek God for the wisdom to bring Christ to their children.

The apostle Paul was concerned about the power of lust. In Ephesians 4:11-24 Paul talks about new life in Christ and the essential role that the church plays in the lives of believers as they become more like Christ. In the middle of this section (verse 17) he interjects a strong, emphatic warning that Christians should no longer walk or live like the world. To give an example of being like the world, the Holy Spirit (through Paul) focuses on those who are controlled by lust. The world is dominated by what it wants. Since those wants are evil, deceptive, and at cross purposes with what God wants, then following those wants will lead to hardness of heart, entrapment, and slavery to the desires--the lusts--of the world.

In the verses that follow (20-24), Paul says to put off the way of the world--lust--and to put on the new person that has been created in the likeness of Christ. Let's look at the content of these verses carefully, because they speak about breaking the lust cycle.

Verse 20 is stunning in its meaning and implication.

But that is not the way you learned Christ! ESV

The "lust cycle" is a pattern of thought and behavior that holds many captives in the church. Some are older, respected members of the church and community, while others are teenagers overwhelmed by uncontrolled youthful lusts. In the last post we analyzed the lust cycle in some detail. Understanding this vicious cycle is an important step toward breaking free from its grip. Thus, failure to break free from lust often stems from attacking the wrong part of the cycle, with weapons that are inadequate for the job. Allow me to explain.

Remember, what drives lust is anticipation. The act of lust almost never satisfies. Giving in to lustful desires usually produces responses like that of Amnon. Once he had taken Tamar he was filled with disgust. The same is true for countless thousands who indulge their lusting desires. Once the act is done,  despair and disgust settle in. This kind of experience may turn into resignation, and lust becomes an accepted part of life. That is what Ephesians 4:19 describes as having " ... a continual lust for more."

So, how can you break free? After describing what it means to live like the world in verses 17-19, Paul adds this powerful statement:

                But that is not the way you learned Christ!  (Ephesians 4:20)

Paul is obviously drawing a contrast - a contrast between walking with the world and walking with Christ. Paul specifically says that you did not learn Christ by living like the Gentiles. This is a key point. Give this some thought. How did the Ephesians learn Christ? The answer will be in the next post.

Lust is a sin that dominates and never satisfies. This sequence is not random. Dissatisfaction is an intended consequence of lust that was designed by the enemy of your souls. In the last post I asked you to look at 2 Samuel 13 and the story of Amnon. That passage vividly depicts this truth. Amnon was consumed by his sinful desire for Tamar. Yet, after he had acted upon his desire and taken her, instead of being satisfied, he was filled with hatred. The Holman Christian Standard Bible translates verse 2 Samuel 13:15 this way:

After this, Amnon hated Tamar with such intensity that the hatred he hated her with was greater than the love he had loved her with. "Get out of here!" he said.

In desperation, Tamar pleads with Amnon not to send her away. But his hatred was so great that he had her thrown out of his house and the door bolted behind her. What caused this reaction? Was Tamar less beautiful and attractive than she was when Amnon lusted after her? No, of course not. His behavior illustrates Ephesians 4:17-19 - lust is never satisfied. Just as importantly, this story also teaches you that lust is fueled primarily by the anticipation of the act it dangles in front of its captives. If the act itself fueled the lust, Amnon should have been satisfied. But instead of being satisfied, he was filled with raging hatred. What he thought he wanted yielded no satisfaction at all.

Tea parties and taxes have taken center stage this week across the American landscape. Paying taxes in general, and on April 15^th in particular, has long been a source of concern for many Americans. In addition, this year we have bail outs, stimulus plans and tea parties. It is safe to say that many Americans are disturbed about the direction of current events. Then, this week the Department of Homeland Security issued a warning about dangers from right wing extremists. Perhaps the most chilling aspect of this report is its definition of right extremism.

Rightwing extremism in the United States can be broadly divided into those groups, movements, and adherents that are primarily hate-oriented (based on hatred of particular religious, racial or ethnic groups), and those that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely. It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration.  Page 2 Office of Intelligence and Analysis - Assessment - April 7, 2009

The most striking characteristic of the sin of lust is simply that lust never satisfies. Lust promises excitement, relief, and distraction, but it never delivers. As Ephesians 4:19 says, it only fuels a thirst for passions that will never be quenched. Here is the key to understanding lust: it is fueled by anticipation. When the desires that are anticipated and driven by lust are finally enacted, there is never relief--only bitterness, disgust and emptiness.  The result is always a period of profound regret, remorse, and emptiness. The act, whether is it viewing pornography, indulging in masturbation, or other inappropriate sexual behavior, never satisfies. It leaves only bitterness, which is soon followed by the desire to commit this act again. The emptiness and disgust begin to be replaced by the fires of anticipation, that build until they are once again acted upon.

Lust is not a particularly pleasant topic to address, but it is necessary to do so. I have touched on this issue from varying perspectives but I have not addressed it head on until now. Lust is a weapon of the enemy to enslave hundreds of thousands of young people to their own flesh. Lust, the passion of the flesh (Eph. 2:3), has the capacity to dominate lives and destroy relationships. It is not easily defeated. While our modern culture is no stranger to lust, lust itself is no stranger to people of all ages.

Lust promises, but it never satisfies. Lust is fueled by anticipation of sweet satisfaction, but it yields bitter fruit. Lust captivates; it never frees. To defeat lust, nothing less than the power of the gospel will succeed.

Ephesians 4:17-19 describes how lust works:

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. ESV

We will have several posts about lust--its power and how to defeat this sin. Please pray for God's blessing on this series. The nasty web of deceit that surrounds lust has trapped many teenagers--and even adults. Our pews and Sunday School classes are filled with those who have been enslaved by their own lusts. The church's power is greatly diminished because of this sin. But God is a God of great mercy and power. The wisdom of heaven that James speaks of will prevail. In the next post we will look at how lust is fueled by anticipation.

The first and most important thing about parenting is being a Christian. And the most important thing about being a Christian is trusting Jesus minute-by-minute to be your Savior. He is your Savior in justification and Your Savior in sanctification (Colossians 2:6). Why is that so important? Because you sin against your children. You sinned yesterday. You sin today. You will sin tomorrow. Does that disqualify you from being a parent? No, and if you have recognized this pattern of sin in your life, then you have great hope as you continue on in the task of parenting that God has called you to.

Jesus died for your sins, and even at this moment he intercedes for you before the Father. Don't be deluded--you are not the perfect parent! I am sure you will agree; yet so often, when parents sin against their children, they don't want to acknowledge it. They become defensive or discouraged, or they blame someone else (maybe even the dog). Sound familiar? But you were not perfect when you became a Christian, and you are certainly not perfect now. God knew this would be the case. Thus, the salvation that Christians have received is so powerful, so complete and awesome, that when you sin, God commands you to come and be renewed instead of turning from away from God.  This great salvation is the reason that David could pray with confidence:

It is Holy Week. This Sunday is Easter,  a day of ultimate significance for Christians. This week is also significant for another reason. President Obama has said that Christian is no longer an adjective that should be used to describe America. Rather, he has chosen to use the word secular to describe the United States. Many would say that America has been more secular than Christian for some time, but the President has added his name to that list by his remarks in Turkey. In a news conference with the President of Turkey, President Obama stated, "We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation." Here is the quote in context from the AP as reported in the April 6 edition of the Boston Globe:

"Obama recognized past tensions in the U.S.-Turkey relationship, but said things were on the right track now because both countries share common interests and are diverse nations. 'We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation,' he said at the news conference. 'We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values.'

He said he believes that "modern Turkey was founded with a similar set of principles."

The goal of biblical parenting is to address children's behavior at the level of the heart. The heart is the source of behavior, so if true, lasting change is to occur, the heart must be impacted by the parents' teaching and discipline. It is possible, though, for you to focus on the heart issues of your children but not deal honestly with your own heart.  Perhaps that is the reason that getting to heart issues with children is sometimes so elusive--you yourself are not parenting from the heart.

In the last post we talked about euphemisms and how they can keep you from knowing the full power of God's restorative grace in your life. One reality of life that is essential for parents to understand and internalize is that sin will be with us as long as we are on this earth. In one sense, we will never be free of sin in this life. Yes, we can make progress. Yes, we can know victory over an angry spirit or other sinful behavior. But pride is always there. Pride is constantly tugging at you to suggest that you can succeed without God's help. Pride catches you by surprise with its attacks. It is subtle. It plays on your weaknesses. When you feel overwhelmed and think that you just can't go on, pride is doing its work. The enemy wants you to rely on your own strength and to focus on the unfairness of life. The enemy wants you to feel alone and abandoned. This is the mission of pride: to separate you from loving and relying upon God and his power for your life.

"Mess up" is admittedly a euphemism. It is a term we often use to avoiding taking the full brunt of failure as a parent. For me, it is a personal term, as in, "I can't believe I messed up again." It is a phrase I said far too often as a parent, and thought even more often. Messing up, or more precisely, sinning and falling short of God's best, is a fact of life for parents. Prayer and good intentions will never eliminate failure from your parenting. Because this is true, we have a natural, fleshly tendency to become comfortable with these failures - hence the euphemistic term "mess up."

Most of the posts on the blog have to do with handling the sins of your children and then, secondarily, with addressing your own sins as you respond to your children. But in these next two or three posts I want to look specifically at how you handle your sins in parenting. Euphemisms are handy ploys to keep issues on the surface, away from the heart. So parents use terms such as messed up, overworked, stressed out, cabin fever, running on empty and the like to explain their less-than-exemplary parenting. It may happen sometimes that we raise the parenting standard to an impossibly high level, and then let ourselves off the hook with an appropriate euphemism. It goes like this:

The world is continually attempting to deceive people by promising that what it offers is truly satisfying. Then, when the promise is believed and the offer is accepted, the hope quickly turns to bitterness and disappointment. This tactic is what I referred to in an earlier post as "hope and switch." Elimelech, Naomi's husband, fell prey to the world's offer of provision. He doubted God's covenant and struck out on his own. But the book of Ruth gives an example of one who did not fall for the world's deceptive ploy. Ruth was still a young woman when she came to Israel with her mother-in-law, yet she was devoted to Naomi and served her, in spite of Naomi's bitterness. She became known for her noble character. Boaz made this observation about her:

This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. Ruth 3:10-11 (NIV)

This has been an unprecedented week in America. No matter what one's political persuasion, few, if any would have predicted that the President of the United States would orchestrate firing the CEO of General Motors. This really is change. It may not be the change many were expecting, but it is change. Some are no doubt asking about how much power can one person have? Is this new connection between the private business sector and government a good thing? At the moment, there are more questions than answers. While political activity and government initiatives are important, Christians must not lose sight of the real center of power. It is vital to keep a sharp focus regarding this pivotal point.

The Apostle Paul instructs that we pray for governing authorities in Timothy:

1First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way... I Tim. 2:1-2 ESV

The world we live in is not a friendly place. Even for Christians, perhaps especially for Christians, the world offers promises that it can never keep. This is an essential component of reality for your children to grasp. The truth is that the world's promises are made to broken. Ephesians 2 speaks of a world that follows its leader, Satan. The master deceiver has constructed a world that offers hope and delivers bitterness. This reality is vividly described in the first three verses of chapter two. To adapt a common phrase, the pattern of the world is to "hope and switch." That is, to offer hope and then, once the offer has been embraced, replace hope with bitterness. Your children will have fewer of life's scars if they learn this reality by faith rather than by experience. Sometimes it seems that experience is the only way one learns, but experience is often a cruel teacher. How much better to learn by faith! Biblical narratives provide powerful instruction for learning life's hard lessons by faith rather than experience. That is one reason you should be thoroughly familiar with these narratives. God placed stories in Scripture in part to give practical examples so that we will not be taken in by the world's hope and switch tactics.