June 2009 Archives

One of the benefits of intimately knowing and trusting the word of God is the ability to avoid coercion  and manipulation in dealing with others, especially your children.  It is an easy thing to slip into manipulation rather than to trust God's methods and direction.  Manipulation provides an all too accessible short-cut for trusting in God to work in the lives of your children. Manipulation is trying to get someone else to do what you want them to do simply because you want them to.  This kind of behavior is quite different from what Proverbs 16:12 teaches:.

                Kings detest wrongdoing,
                                for a throne is established through righteousness.

Notice how authority is secured - through righteousness. Manipulation, no matter how noble the motive, involves a contest of wills - yours and your child's. Here is an example of manipulation.  Sean, if you are good today and pick up your toys after each time you play with them, Mommy will buy you an ice cream cone tonight.

Give this little scenario some thought.  How is this manipulation? What types of problems can arise from making this type of request to your child? We'll look these questions and more in the next post.   

Psalm 73 is the story of a troubled soul who wonders about the goodness of God in the face of the apparent prosperity of people who openly mock God and delight in wickedness. As we have seen, the psalmist needed to redefine his concept of good, and he needed to stop seeing the actions of the wicked in light of a momentary perspective. Among other reasons, this psalm is recorded by the Holy Spirit because faithful servants of God throughout history face similar situations. All of us can identify with the theme of this psalm. It is painful to see the wicked prosper. We sometimes question whether it is worth it to keep trying--is it in vain that we have tried to be faithful to God? But God in is wisdom and mercy provided this psalm to keep our thinking clear.

This post is a last minute addition to the series on Psalm 73. The absolute necessity of being able  trust God to define what is good for you has been painfully illustrated by the sad announcement of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's infidelity.  Sanford decided that his "good" was a relationship with a woman who was not his wife.  In his news conference, the governor appeared to struggle with giving up the "goodness" of his extra-marital relationship. Even though this relationship brought nothing but pain to his wife and children and dishonor to God, his struggle seemed to focus on how hard it was to end his adultery. Mark Sanford had defined good on his terms, not God's. The nearness of God was not his good.  The paragraphs that follow are from today's Shepherd Press Newsletter.  You can best guard your heart by defining good as the nearness of God.

Psalm 73 is about someone who struggles with the question of what is good. The psalmist looks at others--at people who don't care for God--and determines that they have what is good and he doesn't. This realization brings him to the brink of despair. We end up in the same place when our lives are not centered on worship to God. The psalmist is particularly discouraged by the prosperity of the wicked (vs. 3). Psalm 1:3-4 says it is the righteous who should prosper and wicked are the ones that should suffer. So the psalmist trusts his own understanding and begins to doubt. That doubt turns into envy and bitterness (verses 3, 13, 14). You can almost hear his cry of anguish:

What is good for you? How would those who know you well answer this question? What do you live for? How would your children answer? What brings you the most delight? How would your spouse answer this? The answers to these questions reveal much about you. Yet, as is often the case, we are often oblivious to what others see in us. Our focus tends to be on what we want others to think of us. In other words, we have a problem being objectively self-aware. Because of this inward focus, we cannot always be confident that our perception of what is good for us is also good for those around us. This lack of accurate self-perception is not a good thing.

Yesterday, June 21, was Father's Day. It was a time of appreciation for Dads. But yesterday was also the summer solstice. While this date holds significance for various pagan and cultic groups, it is also an important date for Christians to remember. The beginning of each of the four seasons should be a reminder to you that God keeps his promises. With the beginning of each new season, God is keeping the promise he made to Noah for all mankind. After the destruction of the Flood, God made a promise that the seasons would continue as long as the earth endures. Even though man is evil, God promises he will never again destroy all living creatures. Here is the promise as stated in Genesis 8:22:

Fathers have authority. However, one is much more likely to hear how that authority has been abused rather than to hear how it has been used well. Frequently, fathers are not sure how to apply their authority in a way that is honoring to God. Then, the use of authority is uneven--sometimes too harsh and sometimes too weak. The result is frustration for all concerned. Let's take a brief look at some biblical principles that will make the application of authority more productive.

Fathers are in the instruction business--the business of instructing their children to live obediently for the glory of God. Our culture has come to scoff at and even disdain this notion. Parents, and fathers in particular, are seen more as caregivers than as leaders charged with the responsibility of building lives. Words like leadership and accountability don't sit well in today's politically correct world. In this world everything must be done for the child in order to serve the child. According to this view, parents must provide care for their children while being careful not to contaminate their minds with stuff about authority and religion. The most important contaminant to be avoided is the idea that they are sinners deserving the wrath and punishment of God. Such a view will soon be seen as a violation of the   First  Amendment to the Constitution because it violates the separation between church and state. If parents are relegated to the role of caregiver, then it is obvious that someone else has to be responsible for the indoctrination of children to teach them how to think about their world. Sound far-fetched? It has already happened.

Some of you may recall the post "Landing on the Hudson: Whose Miracle?" It was written after the emergency landing of US Air Flight 1549 in the Hudson River this past January. There was, amazingly, no loss of life due to the competency and skill of the pilot and the quick reactions of first responders getting to the downed plane. The abundant news reports that followed credited this to almost everyone except the one who really was in control--God. However, if we are going to acknowledge God's power in preserving the lives aboard flight 1549, we must also acknowledge his power over flights that come to a less-than-desirable ending--in particular Air France Flight 447 that was lost off the coast of Brazil.

This is the final post in this series. We have been looking at the implications of Philippians 1:27-2:5 for family living. This is an important passage for establishing guidelines for relationships in the church. As we have seen, this passage also has much to say about your family. Paul begins this section with these words in verse 27:  "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." Then, in chapter 2:5, Paul, in effect, summarizes what he has just said a with this statement: "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...." Paul's admonition is to conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel by having your attitude be the same as that of Christ Jesus. This challenge is given to the church, and thus to the parents in the church as well.

As you know from the last post I have developed a fond appreciation for Paul Tripp's latest book - Broken-Down House. In this post I am going to include the most recent article I did for the Shepherd Press Newsletter.  There is another application I want to especially emphasize for parents.  The world is not a pleasant place.  It is broken, and it is groaning for the day of consummation.  It is a mistake to teach our children that the world is wonderful and not also tell them of ifs brokenness.  I hope you enjoy the article.  

Just a reminder that I will be talking about Paul Tripp's new book, Broken-Down House today from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. EST.  The program is the national call in talk show Calling for Truth, hosted by Paul Dean. If you would like to join the conversation you can call 1-888-660-9535. You can listen live at the station's website. The link is here.

We will return to the series on Philippians and your family in the next post.

All of us have this experience in varying degrees--your life feels like a broken-down house. Your life has not gone the way you planned. Your life has not gone the way you planned even in the last day. Your plans often lie in shattered, broken pieces around you. No matter what outward veneer we choose for others to see, internally, that sense of brokenness is never far away. There can be brokenness in relationships, in personal failure, in missed opportunities, in the ravages of sin in our life and the lives of those close to us. Evidence of brokenness is also in the world around us--the specter of terrorism is always with us. Our governments appear to be truly broken and without clear direction. Yes, everywhere we look there are indications of brokenness.

We have been looking at Philippians 1:27-2:5 the last few posts. This passage is often used to encourage Christians toward godly relationships within the church community, and as we have seen, it is a wonderful principle for relationships in families. In this post, though, I want to look specifically at the admonition in verse 3 to avoid selfishness. In a relational conflict, the default mode is to blame the other person. This becomes more pointed when authority is involved--for example, parental authority. A parent gives a directive or command and a child does not follow this command or chooses to dispute it. Especially if the child is a teenager, this scenario raises the tension level. The parent is committed to standing firm on the basis of his authority. The teenager is just as committed to holding out for fairness and personal rights. Often, what follows is not pretty.

The book of Philippians teaches the church how to relate to one another. These same principles for godly relationships must also be applied to family life in general and to families with teenagers in particular. For example, just the first four verses of Philippians 2 offer powerful guidelines for relationships. Paul is counseling the church to be encouraged with one another by focusing on the love of Christ for them. Many relational problems between parents and teenagers exist because the life-changing message of the gospel has been submerged and lost in the turmoil of everyday life. Here is what Paul says to the Philippians in these four verses:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. NIV

The apostle Paul urges those in the Philippian church to conduct themselves in a manner worthy of the gospel (1:27). The phrase whatever happens is one of those wonderful statements in Scripture that should bring rich encouragement to you every day of your life. The Spirit of God is so confident of the power of his Word (Hebrews 4:12) that he says whatever happens in your life, you have an opportunity to honor Christ by living in a manner worthy of the gospel.

While this charge from the apostle applies to all the many challenges church members face, if you are the parent of a teenager, or are soon to be one, this phrase should have a special meaning to you. Why? Because if you are the parent of a teenager, "whatever" happens a lot! And here is Paul telling you that even when "whatever" does happen, your first response should be to live in a manner worthy of the gospel. This is a compassionate directive that God gives you. With teenagers, it is all too easy to be hurt, angry, dumbfounded, overwhelmed or astonished at the events of everyday life. But no matter how unexpected these events with your teenagers may be, God encourages you to act first in a manner worthy of the gospel.

Importance is a big deal to teenagers. Teenagers are "importance conscious." I know the phrase is awkward, but it fits. Teenagers are concerned about the brand of shoes they wear, the music they listen to, the friends they hang out with, and more. For many teenagers, life is a continual process of ranking what is important. Conflict with parents often arises over deciding what is important. Parents will consider something to be unimportant that is very important to their teenager, and whether the resulting dispute is calm or volatile, each side is astounded that the other side can't see their point of view.