January 2010 Archives

In the last post I suggested following an incremental approach when beginning to talk about marriage and sexuality; this approach would then culminate in a series of intentional, more structured discussions. These intentional discussions would be the basis for ongoing conversations about marriage and sexuality throughout the teenage years and beyond. The talk that the father in Proverbs 7 has with his son is example of the incremental approach. He took advantage of a situation when it presented itself. The more formal, intentional discussions have their basis in passages like Genesis 1-2, Psalm 139, Song of Solomon, and Ephesians 5:25-33.

This post continues our series on talking to your children about marriage and sex. As we discussed in the previous post, specific topics that need to be addressed should be introduced incrementally.

One way to begin this incremental process is to talk about modesty. Granted, each family will likely have its own particular view of what is modest, but all families interested in following biblical principles will be concerned about modesty. Modesty, like all other guidelines, must be rooted in biblical soil to effectively point your children to Christ. In I Timothy 2, modesty is tied to a lifestyle that is appropriate for those who worship God. Paul is, in effect, stating that modesty is consistent with moral purity and marriage. Thus, when you instruct your young children to dress and act with modesty, you should also connect this standard to loving God and preparing for marriage. Even with very young children you can explain that there are certain parts of the body that are special and reserved for one's husband or wife alone.

The theme of this series of posts is talking to your children about sex and marriage. As I indicated in the first post of this series, I deliberately keep sex and marriage linked because that is how the Bible presents them. Sex is not designed or intended for self-pleasure.  Sex does bring pleasure, but engaging in sex for the primary purpose of fulfilling personal desires is the gateway to lust. As Ephesians 4:17-19 teaches, sensitivity to others (the biblical motivation for sex) is the opposite of sensuality (the self-serving pursuit of pleasure). Sensuality leads to sexual perversion and to God's harsh judgment of abandoning people to their own desires, condemning them to the ultimate consequences of their desires (Romans 1:18-32). Thus, when you teach your young children to prefer others above themselves and to find joy in sharing their toys and time, you are already preparing them to enjoy and honor God in marriage and sexual relationships.

One of the more dreaded of parental responsibilities is telling children about sex. This conversation is often so awkward that both parent and child wonder what good could come from it. Sometimes, there is no actual conversation. A parent might hand a book to his or her child and say, "Read this and let me know if you have any questions." There is a degree of irony in this awkwardness. On the one hand, it is almost impossible to avoid being confronted with sex.  Movies, billboards, commercials, songs, news reports, casual conversations, TV programs etc., form a cultural bombardment of sexual themes that invade daily life. On the other hand, at least in most Christian households, sex is not talked about as a part of regular family conversation. So as soon as your children have unsupervised access to the world outside your home, they will begin to hear of affairs, gays, oral sex, liaisons, people being "hot," people being "turned on," masturbation, and any number of references to sexual activity, ranging from subtle to crude. Witness one of the headlines in today's USA Today (Jan. 20, 2010) - "Sex on TV: it's increasingly uncut and unavoidable." So what is not talked about at home is confronted with regularity outside the home. The reality is that your children will likely hear about sexual activity and sexual perversion long before you actually sit down to talk with them about what sex is. You know this and your children know this. As I said--it's awkward.

Following the recent massive earthquake in Haiti, a question hangs in the air:  of all the places in the world to be struck with total devastation, why Haiti? The death toll seems likely to reach 200,000 according the Haitian Interior Minister. Port-au-Prince, Haiti's capital, has been virtually destroyed by this earthquake. Chaos, anarchy, and devastation--all these words seem inadequate to describe the suffering of this Caribbean nation. So, again, why Haiti?

This week's Blog Special

Suffering is part of this life. Some of the suffering we bring on ourselves. Some of it comes from the cursed world that we inhabit. And some comes from the ill will of other humans.  As the theologians say, we do daily battle with the world, the flesh, and the devil. Frequently it is difficult, if not impossible, to down the cause of suffering. But there is one thing that Christians can know with confidence: whatever the circumstance we face, God has brought it about for our good and his glory.

The devastation and large scale suffering that has resulted from this past week's earthquake in Haiti has once again thrust human suffering to the front page of life.  For those who suffer without knowing God, the struggle is truly one without hope, but as I Thessalonians 4:13 says, Christians do not have to grieve as those who have no hope. It is this hope of knowing God in the midst of suffering that is the subject of this week's special blog offer.  This week you can purchase Polishing God's Monuments, by Jim Andrews, for $5.00.  Note Tim Challies' comments about this extraordinary book:

"As I closed the cover on this book, only one day after beginning, it struck me that this is undoubtedly one of the best books I've read so far this year. I simply can't recommend Polishing God's Monuments too highly. I wholeheartedly agree with Bruce Ware who writes, "To enter into this theological reflection on suffering is to accept the challenge to grow deeply in Christ, and to cherish the sure and certain promise of the gospel." This book gripped my heart and helped me cherish the promises of the gospel like few books I've read recently."
   --Tim Challies (challies.com)

These blog specials are designed for readers of this blog. We not only want to say thank you for participating in the blog, but also to encourage your interest in our products.  Polishing God's Monuments is one title that we believe will bring much benefit to you and others who are faced with suffering. Here is how to take advantage of this week's offer:

When you make your purchase through our online store, go the checkout and enter the code JY003POL. Using this code will allow you to purchase up to 5 copies at $5.00 each. This code may be used once per customer and will be active through the end of Friday, January 22.

We are grateful to offer this book to you at this price.   

This is the second post in the series What do you think about? Let's pick up where we left off in I Corinthians 13:5,  considering what it looks like to love your children biblically . You can link to part one of this topic here.

Love is not self-seeking
Love is about not putting yourself first. It is not a good idea to assume that what pleases you and what pleases God are one and the same. For example, do you want a house that is quiet and orderly?  Why? Because that is pleasant to you? Or do you want a house full of energy and exuberance? Again, why? If your goal is to satisfy your own preferences and personality, you are not necessarily setting an example of love. It is vital that your children see that you are living a life of sacrifice to God, just as you are asking them to do. The goals you set for your home must first and foremost reflect God's direction in his Word. That means that you will be setting an example of serving others sacrificially, not simply indulging your own preferences.

This is the next post in the series What do you think about? We tend to believe that discouragement comes from circumstances. The biblical reality is that discouragement comes most often from the way you think about the things that happen to you, not primarily from the situation itself. That is why Paul urges you, Christian, to focus your thoughts on things that are excellent and praiseworthy. Taken in this light, biblical love flows from biblical thinking. Love is not just a hit-or-miss reaction to someone else. Biblical love requires that you sacrificially commit your thoughts to God rather than indulge yourself in the flow of the moment. Romans 12:2 declares that minds must be transformed in order to break free of the world and love biblically. This is not true just for marriage; a transformed mind is equally needed for biblical parenting. God is very specific about how he wants you to love your children. Let's take a few moments to look at the familiar words of I Corinthians 13:4-7 and see them in the context of loving your children. These observations are brief, but they should be enough to stimulate your thinking. The main idea is to consider how to conform your thinking so that your thoughts are in line with God's call to love your children. I am sure that you will have plenty of items to add to each category. If you do, please leave a comment for others to consider as well.

This week's blog special!

We hear a lot about freedom these days. But there is a difference between what the world means by freedom and what the Bibles teaches about freedom. Dr. Rich Ganz has written a timely and biblically insightful book on this subject.  Shepherd Press is thankful to be able to offer you the book Free Indeed,  a needed resource for God's people. David Powlison, respected thinker and biblical counselor, says:

A new decade has arrived. What will the next ten years bring for your life? These questions are prominent in our thoughts as the new year begins. If you are a parent, these considerations have, no doubt, crossed your mind in the last few days. What kind of a parent will you be in this decade? What are the new issues that your children will face in the next ten years? As the decade begins, it is not uncommon for your thoughts to vacillate between hope and worry. There are new opportunities, but also new dangers to face. At the end of the day, when you are left alone with your thoughts, what do you think about?