In my recent radio interview with Tedd Tripp I asked Tedd to
give four truths that he believes are important for families in today's world.
The first two truths were 1) understanding the importance of formative
instruction and 2) establishing a biblical view of authority. Next we will
consider Tedd's third point: communication.
Communicating biblically is crucial if parental authority is to be effective in
achieving God's objectives. It is one thing to establish that authority is
needed. It is another to communicate that authority in a loving and engaging
way. The parent who says in an angry voice, "You must obey me. God says so!" is
not communicating in a helpful way. The Scriptures teach that pleasant words
promote instruction (e.g. Proverbs 16:20-24). Loving, firm and confident
communication is an essential aspect of parental authority.
In our interview Tedd went immediately to Ecclesiastes 9:17:
The
quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded
than
the shouts of a ruler of fools.
Pleasant words are not loud words. This passage in
Ecclesiastes brings needed insight to understanding communication. As Tedd
pointed out, when a shouting match occurs, authority is effectively lost. In a
family setting, shouting and screaming to prove a point indicates frustration,
uncertainty and a lack of confidence. Loud words in such a situation will not
be heeded by the heart. Loud words may win outward compliance based upon fear,
frustration or resignation, but they will not win the heart. Just as a
tyrannical ruler may shout down his subjects to win the moment, but not win
their loyalty, a parent who prevails in a shouting match has not really
established biblical authority. By contrast, a quiet voice is one that is
confident of the authority it represents. A quiet voice demonstrates
understanding that God's authority is the issue. This means the direction given
must be rooted in Scripture and not the personal convenience or whim of the
parent. Therefore, the personal offense that frequently accompanies a loud,
angry response is not appropriate. Loud speech will not make God's Word any more
true. The goal is not to win an argument in order to lead your children to
trust Christ. Loud, angry words are do not encourage or build up. Loud words do
not communicate compassion and concern for the hearer.
Too often when there is a conflict, voices become loud.
Along with Ecclesiastes 9:17, Proverbs 15:1 teaches that a soft answer turns
away wrath. Loud volume typically indicates that something other than love for
God and his direction is driving communication. Please give this some thought.
In the next post we will examine the second issue that Tedd raised about
communication - too many words.
This article has been tagged with:
Leave a comment