This post is a last minute addition to the series on Psalm
73. The absolute necessity of being able trust God to define what is good for you has
been painfully illustrated by the sad announcement of South Carolina Governor
Mark Sanford's infidelity. Sanford decided
that his "good" was a relationship with a woman who was not his
wife. In his news conference, the governor
appeared to struggle with giving up the "goodness" of his extra-marital relationship.
Even though this relationship brought nothing but pain to his wife and children
and dishonor to God, his struggle seemed to focus on how hard it was to end his
adultery. Mark Sanford had defined good on his terms, not God's. The nearness
of God was not his good. The paragraphs
that follow are from today's Shepherd Press Newsletter. You can best guard your heart by defining good
as the nearness of God.
"It began innocently." These words have been used
by many to describe the beginning of some event that resulted in personal
devastation. Most recently, these words were used by South Carolina Governor
Mark Sanford at the press conference in which he described the events that led
to unfaithfulness to his wife. Governor Sanford stated that he met his future
lover innocently, with a note of irony. They had a conversation eight years ago
in which he counseled her to stay with her husband and not divorce him. The
Governor went on to say that emails followed that conversation, and they began
to develop a remarkable friendship over the next eight years.
It began innocently. This phrase, however sincere, offered
no protection for Mark Sanford, his family, or the woman he was trying to help.
There is a reason that the Bible warns so strongly to guard your heart.
Proverbs 4:23 is emphatic: Above all else guard your heart! None of
our actions are truly neutral. Even when seeking to help this woman eight years
ago, about an issue where he appeared to be well-intentioned, Governor Sanford
did not guard his heart. He did not protect the intimacy of his marriage. How
did he fail to guard his heart? He did not provide the accountability necessary
to guard those close to him. He could have provided this woman with the name of
a competent counselor. He could have brought his wife into the conversation
right from the beginning. Instead, he chose to "help her" himself.
For all of you who are parents - please listen to Solomon's
warning. For all of you who are parents in public service or ministry - please
listen to Solomon's warning. Talking with another person of the opposite sex
who is not your spouse about intimate relational issues, without open and
immediate accountability, is dangerous. It is not innocent; it is a high risk
activity. When there is open discussion of intimate relational details with
someone, there is always the possibility of things going horribly wrong.
Christians have an enemy who is like a lion looking to devour the foolish of
heart. The flesh is deceitful and it is at war with the Spirit. It cannot be
trusted. Governor Sanford went on to say that he and his future lover went on
to develop a remarkable friendship over the next eight years. Sadly, what was
remarkable about it was that the relationship led to full blown adultery. This
friendship was built upon deceit and misplaced trust. As the governor said, his
actions were first and foremost selfish.
Selfishness is not the path to guarding your heart. Self
pity will not guard your heart. Enjoying conversations about intimate
relational struggles, with a woman who is not your wife, is not guarding your
heart. Rather, it is the precursor to disaster. God has provided the family and
the church for protection for God's people. The marriage relationship must be
guarded with relentless diligence. Don't have conversations that you cannot
speak openly and freely about with your spouse. As soon as intimate issues come
to the surface in such conversations, be like Joseph--flee!! Urge the other
person to speak with someone who can truly, objectively help him or her. Many
relational failures in the church community happen simply because hearts are
not being faithfully protected. Trying to help someone else's marriage by
talking privately with one of the spouses is asking for trouble.
Governor Sanford's affair is high profile. But sadly,
thousands of low-profile marriages in the church are put at risk daily because
hearts are not being guarded with fierceness. Learn the names of those in your
church who are reliable counselors. When someone comes to you with marital
troubles, immediately point them to these counselors. Then let them know you
are informing your spouse of this conversation. Tell them that you will also
encourage an elder or pastor to check up on them. Following this practice is an
important, effective way to guard your heart.
Please consider carefully Solomon's warning:
Above all
else, guard your heart,
for
it is the wellspring of life.
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Great post!
This is very true but one of the toughest command of God to us. People tend to fall for things that attack their emotions but we should not be weary because God is with us. We just need to look up to Him and hold tight. After all, the Guy who died for our sins is truly the most worthy being to receive all of our emotions, whatever it is. He is God after all. We can never fathom His greatness and goodness. LOVE GOD first. He is currently working on my hurts(I did not guard my heart) and He still accepts me.