Facebook & Friends

Facebook & Friends

A friend loves at all times,
       and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.  Proverbs 27:6

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. John 15:13-14

Joe added you as a friend on Facebook. We need to confirm that you know Joe in order for you to be friends on Facebook.

This is the message one receives when someone requests to be added as a friend on Facebook. As I mentioned earlier, the average Facebook account about has 100 friends. Many have much higher friend totals. What is a friend? A Facebook friend  is anyone whom you are willing to give permission to view your Facebook page, your "wall." That is one way to define a friendship. Others, in pragmatic, informal ways define friendship according to life experience. So a friend could be someone who is always there for you. But what does “always there for you” mean?  Does it mean someone who never criticizes or corrects you? Does it mean someone who only says good things about you? Does it means someone who will always listen? Or is a friend any casual acquaintance from a social networking site?

Rather than look at all the various ways friendship is defined in our culture, let’s take a brief look at what the Bible says about friendship. While much that could be said, the three passages above provide a good starting point. For the purpose of this discussion, note that each principle builds upon the previous one.

First – Starting with the last passage, note that Jesus Christ defines friendship. So a friend is one who will lay his life down, both literally and figuratively, for you. That is commitment. Remember that mankind would not even be able to understand the concept of friendship apart from God. Friendship did not originate from man as he progressed up the evolutionary ladder. Friendship reflects the image of God that formed the pattern for human character from the very instant of his creation. God is the model for all true friendships.

Since Jesus himself defines and models friendship, then it follows that it is wise to have friends who are also friends of Jesus. While we acknowledge the role of grace in our relationship with God, John records that we are friends with Christ if we do what he commands. So, it is a good idea to look for friends who are friends with Christ. How do I know that people are friends with Christ ?  If they obey his commands. If someone does not consciously choose to be friends with Christ by obedience to his ways, that person, from God's perspective, will not be a good friend to you.

Second – a friend will show sacrificial love to you at all times. People will often help each other, especially if it is convenient to do so. But this principle sets the standard much higher. True friendship will always cost something and will often be inconvenient. But that is what helps define friendship, and such friendship is rare. This is friendship that gives without expecting anything back. This is friendship that goes beyond saying Well, you would have done the same thing for me.

Third – a friend is one who recognizes your weaknesses and will lovingly tell you about them.  As the proverb says, the kisses of an enemy are profuse. If you a have relationship with someone who only praises you regardless of what you do, that person is not your friend. A true friend will deliver faithful wounds. In part, this happens because a true friend loves Jesus more than he loves you. Our struggles with sin are real and, sadly, ongoing. Someone who does not recognize this reality in you is either misleading you or is selfishly avoiding the difficult task of telling you what you need to hear.

These three principles make up essential components of authentic friendship. It may be possible for some to show elements of the 2^nd or 3^rd principles. But only a true friend can demonstrate all three.

So what is a friend? The culture around us, including the online communities, may define friendships in differing ways. But true, authentic ,friendship is rooted in these biblical principles. Talk about them with your children, with your circle of friends, with those in your social network, with your spouse. Most importantly, talk about them with God and ask him for the courage and wisdom to pursue authentic friendships that will encourage you to know the most genuine of all friends – Christ.

This post concludes this series on Facebook. I pray that it has been helpful to you. Thanks for your responses and comments. Let me know if there is more you would like to see addressed in this area.