What is good for you? How
would those who know you well answer this question? What do you live for? How
would your children answer? What brings you the most delight? How would your
spouse answer this? The answers to these questions reveal much about you. Yet,
as is often the case, we are often oblivious to what others see in us. Our
focus tends to be on what we want others to think of us. In other words, we
have a problem being objectively self-aware. Because of this inward focus, we
cannot always be confident that our perception of what is good for us is also
good for those around us. This lack of accurate self-perception is not a good
thing.
There is only one way to be
confident that what is good for you is also good for others. The nearness of
God must be your good. Psalm 73:28 boldly proclaims that is it good to be near
God:
But
as for me, it is good to be near God.
I
have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I
will tell of all your deeds.
What is it that constitutes
your refuge? Where do you turn when you are tired, exhausted,
discouraged and down? Answering this question will help you begin to discern what
is truly good for you. If your refuge is in anything other than God, you will
always be left with less than complete, true comfort and satisfaction. It may satisfy
for the moment, but it is ultimately unable to bring true comfort. Furthermore,
if anything other than the person of God is your good, then you will not be
able to honor him in your relationships, particularly those with your family.
Let me flesh this out a bit.
Suppose good is
defined for you by how well your children do in school. (This applies to
homeschoolers as well.) If the grades are good and the teachers are pleased, you
define that as good. But then reality sets in. The grades could always be a
little higher, the praise for your children a little more glowing. And when the
grades are less than expected, life begins to get grim. This same scenario
would apply to anything, such as sports or any other extra-curricular activity your
child does that becomes your good. How about defining your good as always
having your children obey you? This one is a little tricky. It is good for your
children to obey. However, if their obedience becomes the measure of your good,
then whenever they disobey, life is not good.
In both of these cases,
being near to God must be the basis of goodness for you. The reason God gave you children is so that you can train them to follow Him. Only God's grace at
work in their hearts can bring true obedience. If you become discouraged with
their disobedience, then you are discouraged with the task God has given you to
do. God didn't give you perfect children. Your children, like all other
children, are in need of the saving work of Jesus Christ. When you are discouraged
about your children's performance, you become a legalist. Rather, their
failures in school and at home are to be occasions for you to take them to
Christ. That is when you teach them about the power of the gospel to help them
live in true righteousness. If their disobedience is overwhelmingly
discouraging to you, then you are teaching your children that what really
matters is their performance.
Remember--I am agreeing that
it is right to want your children to do well in school and to obey. Of course
you want that. But if these things become the barometer that measures your
sense of well-being, then something other than the nearness of God has become
your good. You are asking your children
to be the source of your satisfaction. This is a burden they cannot bear.
What is your good? How
would your children answer? Give this some thought. We will look more at this
and at Psalm 73 in the next post. As always, I look forward to your comments.
This article has been tagged with:
Jay,
Thank you for this article. It all boils down to idolatry, doesn't it? What do I love more than Christ? My thinking has progressed since childhood on this topic:
1. Idols are "graven images" that people bow down to. I don't do that...
2. Idols are bad things like drinking too much (or at all for most Baptists! LOL!) or loving money. I don't do that...
3. Idols are anything I love more than Christ. Even GOOD things. My children can be an idol. Homeschooling can be an idol. Even church ministry can be an idol!
OUCH!
By the way, your statement "This applies to homeschoolers as well" could easily be replaced with "This especially applies to homeschoolers." For us, it's a very personal tie, since the child's performance reflects directly on the parent's performance.
Looking forward to the next installment!
Jenny