The Apostle Paul commands
children, in the sixth chapter of Ephesians, to obey their parents in the Lord
so that it will go well with them and so that they will enjoy long life on the
earth. Paul forcefully argues in this same book that salvation is exclusively
obtained by the gracious gift of God to those who do not deserve it. Is this a
contradiction? Is he offering long life in exchange for obedience? No, there is
no contradiction here. Paul clearly teaches that it is not possible to earn
good standing with God, so the long life cannot be understood as achieving some
kind of merit. Obedience is a response to God, rather than the source of
goodness. The submission that children are to yield to parents is in the same
vein as the mutual submission that all are to have to God (5:21), the
submission that wives are to have to husbands (5:22), and the submission of
slaves to masters. None of these opportunities for submission have any sense of
earning credit. Rather, submission is a response of honoring God and living
life according to his direction. In this context, God promises blessing to
children who obey; he encourages them with the promise that life will go better
when God's order is followed. This is often construed as a "lesser
motivation." It is often taken that way, but I believe it is more
consistent with biblical teaching to distinguish between the primary motivation
of gratitude to God on one hand, and the encouragement of promised blessing on
the other hand. When we begin to motivate our children with specific rewards,
we quickly develop a system of rules and manipulation. The biblical reward
offered for obedience, by contrast, is the broad, general encouragement of the
rich blessings that will attend obedience.
This understanding matches
the reason that Christ gives for obedience in Matthew 5:14-16:
"You
are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do
people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand,
and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light
shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in
heaven.
This is true obedience in
the Lord - which is the direction given to children in Ephesians 6:1. Even
though you can never be certain of your child's salvation (just as you can
never know anyone else's heart), the Bible gives no other basic motivation for
encouraging children. The ultimate goal
of bringing honor to God is always the reason for obedience:
So
whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. I
Cor. 10:31
And
whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord
Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Col. 3:17
There is no thought in
Scripture which indicates that it is appropriate to give motivation for other
reasons than bringing honor to God. If there are verses that indicate an
immediate benefit, such as a soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1),
the benefit is always set in a larger context of bringing glory and praise to
God. Otherwise, the desire for a soft answer becomes an end in itself, and thus
this good thing becomes something that is desired for selfish reasons--that is
not a good thing. This is the spirit of Deuteronomy 6:6-7. These words of God
are to be taken from the depths of the parent's heart and impressed on the
children. This is why every opportunity to speak, teach and discipline children
is an opportunity to present the gospel!
Give this some thought and
let me know your thoughts.
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