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The theme of this series of posts is talking to your children about sex and marriage. As I indicated in the first post of this series, I deliberately keep sex and marriage linked because that is how the Bible presents them. Sex is not designed or intended for self-pleasure.  Sex does bring pleasure, but engaging in sex for the primary purpose of fulfilling personal desires is the gateway to lust. As Ephesians 4:17-19 teaches, sensitivity to others (the biblical motivation for sex) is the opposite of sensuality (the self-serving pursuit of pleasure). Sensuality leads to sexual perversion and to God's harsh judgment of abandoning people to their own desires, condemning them to the ultimate consequences of their desires (Romans 1:18-32). Thus, when you teach your young children to prefer others above themselves and to find joy in sharing their toys and time, you are already preparing them to enjoy and honor God in marriage and sexual relationships.

The title of this post doesn't make sense. Fools, by definition, are not wise. This is the fourth of Tedd Tripp's concerns for parents today. The first three concerns were these:  grasping the importance of formative instruction, establishing a biblical view of authority and maintaining biblical communication. The fourth concern is developing the ability to contrast the supposed wisdom of fools with the wisdom of God. The book of Proverbs is the perfect place to see this contrast vividly laid out.

Familiarity breeds contempt. This saying has been around since the days of the early Greeks, some 2,600 years ago.  In a similar vein Jesus observed that a prophet has no honor in his own hometown (John 4:44 ESV ).  What about the Bible? As a reader of this blog, the Bible is no doubt a familiar subject in your home.  But how is the Bible viewed by your children? Before you answer this question, take a moment to think carefully about this verse in Psalm 19:

  ⁸ The precepts of the LORD are right,
       giving joy to the heart.
       The commands of the LORD are radiant,
       giving light to the eyes.

What is the reaction that the Word of God brings in the everyday life of your family? Is it like this one in Psalm 19? Give this careful thought. We will take a probing look at this in the next post.

As we conclude this series on gaming, there is one more question that remains: Can Christians engage in gaming with a good conscience? The answer, I believe, is yes, given a significant qualifier:  This pursuit must be done with biblical wisdom. Wisdom is the skill that comes from a deep passionate love of God’s truth. You may have been born with intelligence, precocity, and a good memory, but with regard to wisdom, you were born a fool. Wisdom is a skill that may only be acquired through great energy and faith. Protection from the allure of gaming comes from a vigorous pursuit of wisdom. Take a moment to read Proverbs 1:30-2:6.

30 since they would not accept my advice
       and spurned my rebuke,

 31 they will eat the fruit of their ways
       and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

 32 For the waywardness of the simple will kill them,
       and the complacency of fools will destroy them;

 33 but whoever listens to me will live in safety
       and be at ease, without fear of harm."

1 My son, if you accept my words
       and store up my commands within you,

 2 turning your ear to wisdom
       and applying your heart to understanding,

 3 and if you call out for insight
       and cry aloud for understanding,

 4 and if you look for it as for silver
       and search for it as for hidden treasure,

 5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
       and find the knowledge of God.

 6 For the LORD gives wisdom,
       and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

This passage is really an extension of Proverbs 1:7. It describes an earnest, energetic, almost frantic pursuit of wisdom and understanding. For Christians, the pursuit of wisdom must not be casual or sporadic. The casual pursuit of wisdom is no match for the powerful attraction of electronic gaming. You and your children must have your wisdom skills finely honed in order to even think wisely about what gaming activity, if any,  should be enjoyed.

Developing this skill of wisdom is the result of having a mind renewed by the redemptive power of Christ. As we mentioned earlier, you won’t find the term electronic gaming in any concordance. But if you give yourself to the pursuit of wisdom as if your life depended on it—and it really does (Deut. 32:44-47)—then you will be building the principial base you need in order to evaluate the impact of gaming. Let me stress this again:  you must begin with the passionate acquisition of wisdom before you or your kids even think about gaming. 

This challenge is the same one given by Paul to Timothy. Paul is calling Timothy to warfare that yields a good conscience:   "This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, 19 holding faith and a good conscience… "  I Timothy 1:18-19.

You must be just as prepared for warfare as Timothy was. If your children see this commitment in you, you will indeed be holding out the word of life to them.

You see, once we have laid the groundwork, the particular answer to a question—like what to do about gaming—need not be long and complicated. Please read and reread the passage in Proverbs referenced above. To apply this passage faithfully takes great wisdom and courage. It takes great wisdom and courage to engage in gaming that glorifies our great God. This is the vision you want to give your children. The Christian life is much more about being strong and courageous in pursuit of glory than it is about trying to figure out what not to do.

 Let me know your thoughts and if you have any questions or additional things to consider.

This post is from last Christmas, but I pray it will be a blessing to your and your family.

Listen, my son, to your father's instruction

       and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

They will be a garland to grace your head

       and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:8&9

Little children are dependent upon their parents for everything. This includes more than food, clothing and shelter. Children are dependent upon you, parent, for how they view the world around them. The way you live in front of them is the most powerful teaching tool that God gives you. This is teaching in the milieu. God designed families to demonstrate what it means to have a relationship with Him. If you love God, if you sincerely attempt to live your life by His Word, if you recognize that every moment is given to you so that you will glorify and honor God, then you will teach your children these same truths without even thinking about it. Your children observe you, everything about you. They see when you are sleeping, they know when you have been good or bad, they know when you pout and when you shout. In the midst of the turmoil of life your children know whom you delight in. Your kids know this without your ever having to say a word. When you stumble and ask God for help -- they learn. When you stumble and snap or make excuses -- they learn from that, too. If you value your relationship with God above all else, your children will know this, even when you fall short of your calling as a Christian parent.

What does this have to do with being Santa's helper? Just this: in Psalm 72:18 we read that "God alone does marvelous things." However, at Christmas time, for little children someone else is portrayed as doing the most marvelous things. Santa brings the toys! Not just any toys, but toys that come in brightly wrapped boxes under a colorful, sparkling tree. These toys have been longed for, prayed for, craved for, hoped for and wished for. This longing has gone on for months if not years. The goodness of Santa is confirmed by the tag on the present: From Santa. Amid the pile of wrappings, bows and empty boxes, happy children know they have been adorned. When I was a child we always left milk and cookies for Santa each Christmas Eve before we went to bed. And sure enough, when my brothers and I bolted out of bed to head for the tree, the milk and cookies were gone. But in their place were presents and full stockings. Santa was for real!

So there is no question that children who experience this visit from Santa feel adorned. Yet this adornment is clearly of the material sort. The children don’t really know “Santa.” But they may actually know his helpers, as I did as a child. His helpers? Why Mom and Dad of course! When Mom and Dad help Santa, good things happen. Toys pour down from the chimney and appear under the tree.

However, if Mom and Dad are Christians, they often may say they are somebody else’s helper. That’s right, parents are also God’s helpers. This brings a question: whom would your children rather you help? Do your children feel the same sense of adornment when you are God’s helper as they do when you are Santa’s helper? Proverbs 1:8-9 implies that children should be adorned (and feel adorned) everyday. Even discipline and correction should feel like adornment to your children. Sadly, most children are anything but adorned by their parents' discipline and instruction. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE A MESS!!!! STOP YELLING AT YOUR SISTER!!! I HAVE TOLD YOU AND TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT. NOW I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SPANK YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE DISOBEYED GOD!

Proverbs teaches that these opportunities for discipline and teaching are to be times of "adorning your children" as with the finest jewelry, just like Christmas time. God is often appealed to as the reason for the spanking or scolding. So, being God's helper can mean spanking, harsh words, cold, silent treatment, banishment to rooms, broken relationships. On the other hand, Santa's helper brings longed for treasures. The contrast is not lost on a young child. Don't misunderstand; I am not saying, "Don't discipline." But the Bible teaches that you can discipline in such a way as to adorn your children. Try the special combination of Proverbs - the rod and pleasant words mixed together (Pro. 16:20-24). This is a powerful combination. Verse 24 says pleasant words promote instruction. This is not easy, but with Christ's Word and the power of the Holy Spirit you can be a different parent -- one who adorns at times other than Christmas.

Teach your children that One more wonderful than Santa loves them and has given them parents to teach them about Christ and true riches. Don't confuse your children by helping a mythical visitor. Tell them that you love them because Christ has loved you. Tell them that your God has given you a rich blessing - your children. Let them know that the gifts they receive are expressions of your love to them. Adorn your children at Christmas. Adorn your children on August 3rd as well, and every other day. Let them know that you are God's helper to bring them into relationship with Him. Let your children know that you are Christ's helper. Tell your children what true riches are. In addition to the gifts that you wrap, adorn your children with gifts that are more valuable than silver and gold. Show them the excellence of being Christ's helper.

This Christmas, whose helper will you be -- Santa's or Christ's? Blessings to you this Christmas Season!

10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
  and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.  Proverbs 2:10

Psalm 13 is a tender reminder that God has been good to us. As parents, we long for our children to know his goodness firsthand. How does that happen? This, of course, is the big question—but the starting point is less complicated than you might think. Allow me to ask a question from Psalm 13. Do you believe that God has been good to you?

“Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
         someone else, and not your own lips.” —Proverbs 27:2

Karen asked the following question in response to an earlier post.

I find that my children often point out the good that they do. While I do thank them at that point and express how their good blessed me, what words should I use to make sure they do not crave the praise of man? Something to the effect of..."Yes, I am so blessed by your cleaning up without being told, but even more, Your Father in heaven is pleased at what you have done. Seek His praise instead of mine." Do you have any suggestions?

Good question! You’re on the right track with your concern. It is true that we want our children to please God instead of man, but the parent child relationship requires special handling. Let’s look at a couple of principles to hold in balance when we think about this goal.

20 My son, keep your father's commands
       and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

21 Bind them upon your heart forever;
       fasten them around your neck.

22 When you walk, they will guide you;
       when you sleep, they will watch over you;
       when you awake, they will speak to you.

23 For these commands are a lamp,
       this teaching is a light,
       and the corrections of discipline
       are the way to life,

24 keeping you from the immoral woman,
       from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

As we finish this series of posts on Proverbs 6, I want to focus again on verse 22. In the last post I linked to the Rebelution website authored by Alex and Brett Harris, two teenagers who demonstrate the active presence of the Word that verse 22 talks about. They have written a book, titled Do Hard Things; Tim Challies has written a review of the book. This book is helpful for both teenagers and parents.  The Harris brothers are convinced that the expectations we have for what teenagers can accomplish is too low. The negative consequence of setting low expectations is low performance. In other words, if you don’t expect much, you won’t get much. I agree.

He who answers before listening—
       that is his folly and his shame. Proverbs 18:13

This post is directed to husbands and fathers. However, wives and moms are free to read as well. You may even want to forward this post to your husbands.

Men, God has charged us with leading our families. The biblical basis for our leadership is found in such passages as Eph. 5:25-33 and Eph. 6:4. This leadership is an awesome responsibility. We are to represent Christ to our wives and children. In 2 Cor. 13:10 we learn that biblical leadership is to have the focus of building others up and not tearing them down. Paul says in Ephesians 4:29 that our words are rotten if they don’t build others up.  Each of us can think of examples of leadership that are not especially building or encouraging. Perhaps our fathers appeared to tear us down more than they built us up. Perhaps you have had a supervisor who led by intimidation. God, however, has called us to be different than that. Our leadership is to build up those under our care. We are to lead with understanding and compassion. Thankfully, God has given us specific directions in his word to help us be leaders who build others up. In this post we will look at one of these directives – not to answer without listening.

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
  and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
  as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11-12

Criticism would make few top 10 lists of favorite gifts. While the Proverbs don’t use the term criticism, there are many passages that talk about receiving a rebuke. Almost surprisingly, the Proverbs teach that receiving a rebuke is often a good thing. Chapter 9 goes so far as to say that a wise man will love you if you rebuke him (9:8). Since the Garden, our natural tendency is to avoid blame and shift responsibility to others when our actions are challenged. It is easy to think we have been unfairly assessed. Yet if we do not welcome rebuke (criticism), we are not acting wisely.

A significant part of parenting  is about building up people—your children (2 Cor. 13:10b). If we are honest before God, we must acknowledge that the person we see in the mirror has many flaws and weaknesses that make it difficult for our children to follow our direction.  In fact, it is truly amazing that anyone would want to follow our direction! This is a why a wise man loves a rebuke. He knows he needs help. He also knows that God is committed to providing this help. That is the point of Proverbs 3:11-12. If we bristle at the rebuke of others we will also bristle at the rebuke of God.