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Summer is marked by hot weather and too often, hot tempers.  One reason for this is the change in schedule from school time to my time. Both children and parents look forward to summertime as a break from the busyness of the school year. But the flexibility of summer schedules also can create conflicts of interest.  Parents may see summer as a time to get things done around the house. Children may have other ideas about how to spend the summer months. The result - conflict of interest.  Both parents and children are looking for a reward.  Conflict and hot tempers come from seeing rewards as something one is entitled to.    

In the last post I suggested following an incremental approach when beginning to talk about marriage and sexuality; this approach would then culminate in a series of intentional, more structured discussions. These intentional discussions would be the basis for ongoing conversations about marriage and sexuality throughout the teenage years and beyond. The talk that the father in Proverbs 7 has with his son is example of the incremental approach. He took advantage of a situation when it presented itself. The more formal, intentional discussions have their basis in passages like Genesis 1-2, Psalm 139, Song of Solomon, and Ephesians 5:25-33.

The narrative of King Jehoshaphat and King Ahab in 2 Chronicles 18 provides insight into the dynamics of peer pressure. When you or your children yield to peer pressure you are, in effect, dividing your loyalties between God and man. This double-mindedness simply does not work. It results in decision making that is not sound. Many sins that young people become entangled with begin when they yield to peer pressure. The story of King Jehoshaphat demonstrates that young people are not the only ones susceptible to this problem. As we noted in the last post, Jehoshaphat should have realized that forming an alliance with Ahab was extremely unwise, but in the face of the feast given to honor him, Jehoshaphat was more concerned with pleasing Ahab than pleasing God.

This post is the last one planned for this series, which is also the lengthiest series to date. I have taken this much time because the issues of lust and unquenchable desires are taking a heavy toll on Christian families. While pornography and teenagers have been the focus in this series, the cravings of the flesh extend to almost every area and every age of life. The fires of lust are fanned when the demands of toddlers are not challenged, but gratified, tolerated or overlooked. Children who are self-focused and allowed to indulge in self-pity become primary targets for sensuality. And, as Don Fields observed in his insightful comment, perhaps many parents are still trying unsuccessfully to free themselves from the power of lust. This is an important issue for the church today. Everywhere we turn in this world, we are urged to yield to the call of the flesh. This call must be rejected.

The phrase learning Christ appears only once in the New Testament. Paul uses this phrase when he contrasts the church and the world. In Ephesians 4:17-19, he describes what people naturally learn  because of the desires of their hardened hearts that follow the world (Ephesians 2:1-3). Then, in Ephesians 4:20, he says that the Ephesians did not come learn Christ that way. In the context of verse 20, those who are alienated, separated from the life of God--in other words, the world--learn darkness,  not Christ. Thus, sensitivity becomes impossible. That darkness produces futile thinking. Those who think and live like the world are dominated by darkness, futility and sensuality. So Paul says that this is not the way they learned Christ.

This series of posts is dealing with the impact of lust on Christian families. As we have seen, lust is a sin that impacts all of life. Its demands are relentless, the guilt is dominating, the anticipation and desire for things that will never satisfy is consuming. Lust also attacks relationships, especially between parent and child. Talking about lust is not a favorite topic of conversation between teenagers and parents, but as Proverbs 6:20-24 teaches, the words of parents are key to preventing sexual sin in the lives of children. When you discover that your teenager is viewing Internet pornography, the way you respond is important. We have already looked at one type of response that is not helpful. Here is a response that should be more effective for pointing your teenager to Christ.

As you start the conversation (and it does need to be a conversation), remember that this is probably more difficult for your son or daughter than it will be for you. Enter the conversation depending upon your faith, not your anger! (James 1:20) You must also enter this conversation with compassion. Whether he realizes it or not, your teenager has just been in a losing battle with the enemy of his soul. His mind, his sensibilities, and the truths he has been taught have been viciously assaulted by the powers of this dark world. A firm gentleness is called for. In this scenario, you have discovered the sinful activity, so there will most likely be a defensive reaction. That is why you should pick an appropriate time to talk. Find a time that will not cause you to be hurry through it; you don't want to cut the conversation short as you or your son head out the door for some other activity.

In the last post we examined the case of a 15-year-son who was caught viewing pornography on the Internet. I described one possible way of addressing this issue and asked what was missing. Jo weighed in with her comment. Her answer - the gospel. She is right, and she offers some helpful thoughts on this problem. But I want to stress that when we say the gospel is needed, that does not mean there is no further work to be done. As Paul worked with great energy to teach what the gospel meant, so parents must also seek God for the wisdom to bring Christ to their children.

The apostle Paul was concerned about the power of lust. In Ephesians 4:11-24 Paul talks about new life in Christ and the essential role that the church plays in the lives of believers as they become more like Christ. In the middle of this section (verse 17) he interjects a strong, emphatic warning that Christians should no longer walk or live like the world. To give an example of being like the world, the Holy Spirit (through Paul) focuses on those who are controlled by lust. The world is dominated by what it wants. Since those wants are evil, deceptive, and at cross purposes with what God wants, then following those wants will lead to hardness of heart, entrapment, and slavery to the desires--the lusts--of the world.

In the verses that follow (20-24), Paul says to put off the way of the world--lust--and to put on the new person that has been created in the likeness of Christ. Let's look at the content of these verses carefully, because they speak about breaking the lust cycle.

Verse 20 is stunning in its meaning and implication.

But that is not the way you learned Christ! ESV

The "lust cycle" is a pattern of thought and behavior that holds many captives in the church. Some are older, respected members of the church and community, while others are teenagers overwhelmed by uncontrolled youthful lusts. In the last post we analyzed the lust cycle in some detail. Understanding this vicious cycle is an important step toward breaking free from its grip. Thus, failure to break free from lust often stems from attacking the wrong part of the cycle, with weapons that are inadequate for the job. Allow me to explain.

Remember, what drives lust is anticipation. The act of lust almost never satisfies. Giving in to lustful desires usually produces responses like that of Amnon. Once he had taken Tamar he was filled with disgust. The same is true for countless thousands who indulge their lusting desires. Once the act is done,  despair and disgust settle in. This kind of experience may turn into resignation, and lust becomes an accepted part of life. That is what Ephesians 4:19 describes as having " ... a continual lust for more."

So, how can you break free? After describing what it means to live like the world in verses 17-19, Paul adds this powerful statement:

                But that is not the way you learned Christ!  (Ephesians 4:20)

Paul is obviously drawing a contrast - a contrast between walking with the world and walking with Christ. Paul specifically says that you did not learn Christ by living like the Gentiles. This is a key point. Give this some thought. How did the Ephesians learn Christ? The answer will be in the next post.

Lust is a sin that dominates and never satisfies. This sequence is not random. Dissatisfaction is an intended consequence of lust that was designed by the enemy of your souls. In the last post I asked you to look at 2 Samuel 13 and the story of Amnon. That passage vividly depicts this truth. Amnon was consumed by his sinful desire for Tamar. Yet, after he had acted upon his desire and taken her, instead of being satisfied, he was filled with hatred. The Holman Christian Standard Bible translates verse 2 Samuel 13:15 this way:

After this, Amnon hated Tamar with such intensity that the hatred he hated her with was greater than the love he had loved her with. "Get out of here!" he said.

In desperation, Tamar pleads with Amnon not to send her away. But his hatred was so great that he had her thrown out of his house and the door bolted behind her. What caused this reaction? Was Tamar less beautiful and attractive than she was when Amnon lusted after her? No, of course not. His behavior illustrates Ephesians 4:17-19 - lust is never satisfied. Just as importantly, this story also teaches you that lust is fueled primarily by the anticipation of the act it dangles in front of its captives. If the act itself fueled the lust, Amnon should have been satisfied. But instead of being satisfied, he was filled with raging hatred. What he thought he wanted yielded no satisfaction at all.