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The final point that needs to be covered concerning talking to your children about sex and marriage is the joyous pursuit of sexual purity. Sexual purity is the eager and aggressive commitment to trusting God's parameters for sexual conduct. This should be a pursuit of joy. Sexual purity must not be defined only as a negative. The pursuit is of sexual purity is not only to avoid what is wrong but to eagerly pursue what is right. In this case, what is right is a passionate commitment to engage in sexual matters as God has instructed in his Word. Such purity leads to an active worship of God in all of life. That is something that you can talk about without hesitation with your children. Trusting God with their sexuality is the absolute best thing that anyone can do. You do not have to discuss every area of sexual perversion in order to prepare children for combating sexual sin. To be sure, you should be prepared to discuss questions about the sexual sin that is rampant in our culture, but even this must be in the context that God's ways are superior to the natural practice of this world.

In the last post I suggested following an incremental approach when beginning to talk about marriage and sexuality; this approach would then culminate in a series of intentional, more structured discussions. These intentional discussions would be the basis for ongoing conversations about marriage and sexuality throughout the teenage years and beyond. The talk that the father in Proverbs 7 has with his son is example of the incremental approach. He took advantage of a situation when it presented itself. The more formal, intentional discussions have their basis in passages like Genesis 1-2, Psalm 139, Song of Solomon, and Ephesians 5:25-33.

This post continues our series on talking to your children about marriage and sex. As we discussed in the previous post, specific topics that need to be addressed should be introduced incrementally.

One way to begin this incremental process is to talk about modesty. Granted, each family will likely have its own particular view of what is modest, but all families interested in following biblical principles will be concerned about modesty. Modesty, like all other guidelines, must be rooted in biblical soil to effectively point your children to Christ. In I Timothy 2, modesty is tied to a lifestyle that is appropriate for those who worship God. Paul is, in effect, stating that modesty is consistent with moral purity and marriage. Thus, when you instruct your young children to dress and act with modesty, you should also connect this standard to loving God and preparing for marriage. Even with very young children you can explain that there are certain parts of the body that are special and reserved for one's husband or wife alone.

The theme of this series of posts is talking to your children about sex and marriage. As I indicated in the first post of this series, I deliberately keep sex and marriage linked because that is how the Bible presents them. Sex is not designed or intended for self-pleasure.  Sex does bring pleasure, but engaging in sex for the primary purpose of fulfilling personal desires is the gateway to lust. As Ephesians 4:17-19 teaches, sensitivity to others (the biblical motivation for sex) is the opposite of sensuality (the self-serving pursuit of pleasure). Sensuality leads to sexual perversion and to God's harsh judgment of abandoning people to their own desires, condemning them to the ultimate consequences of their desires (Romans 1:18-32). Thus, when you teach your young children to prefer others above themselves and to find joy in sharing their toys and time, you are already preparing them to enjoy and honor God in marriage and sexual relationships.

One of the more dreaded of parental responsibilities is telling children about sex. This conversation is often so awkward that both parent and child wonder what good could come from it. Sometimes, there is no actual conversation. A parent might hand a book to his or her child and say, "Read this and let me know if you have any questions." There is a degree of irony in this awkwardness. On the one hand, it is almost impossible to avoid being confronted with sex.  Movies, billboards, commercials, songs, news reports, casual conversations, TV programs etc., form a cultural bombardment of sexual themes that invade daily life. On the other hand, at least in most Christian households, sex is not talked about as a part of regular family conversation. So as soon as your children have unsupervised access to the world outside your home, they will begin to hear of affairs, gays, oral sex, liaisons, people being "hot," people being "turned on," masturbation, and any number of references to sexual activity, ranging from subtle to crude. Witness one of the headlines in today's USA Today (Jan. 20, 2010) - "Sex on TV: it's increasingly uncut and unavoidable." So what is not talked about at home is confronted with regularity outside the home. The reality is that your children will likely hear about sexual activity and sexual perversion long before you actually sit down to talk with them about what sex is. You know this and your children know this. As I said--it's awkward.

This week's Blog Special

Suffering is part of this life. Some of the suffering we bring on ourselves. Some of it comes from the cursed world that we inhabit. And some comes from the ill will of other humans.  As the theologians say, we do daily battle with the world, the flesh, and the devil. Frequently it is difficult, if not impossible, to down the cause of suffering. But there is one thing that Christians can know with confidence: whatever the circumstance we face, God has brought it about for our good and his glory.

The devastation and large scale suffering that has resulted from this past week's earthquake in Haiti has once again thrust human suffering to the front page of life.  For those who suffer without knowing God, the struggle is truly one without hope, but as I Thessalonians 4:13 says, Christians do not have to grieve as those who have no hope. It is this hope of knowing God in the midst of suffering that is the subject of this week's special blog offer.  This week you can purchase Polishing God's Monuments, by Jim Andrews, for $5.00.  Note Tim Challies' comments about this extraordinary book:

"As I closed the cover on this book, only one day after beginning, it struck me that this is undoubtedly one of the best books I've read so far this year. I simply can't recommend Polishing God's Monuments too highly. I wholeheartedly agree with Bruce Ware who writes, "To enter into this theological reflection on suffering is to accept the challenge to grow deeply in Christ, and to cherish the sure and certain promise of the gospel." This book gripped my heart and helped me cherish the promises of the gospel like few books I've read recently."
   --Tim Challies (challies.com)

These blog specials are designed for readers of this blog. We not only want to say thank you for participating in the blog, but also to encourage your interest in our products.  Polishing God's Monuments is one title that we believe will bring much benefit to you and others who are faced with suffering. Here is how to take advantage of this week's offer:

When you make your purchase through our online store, go the checkout and enter the code JY003POL. Using this code will allow you to purchase up to 5 copies at $5.00 each. This code may be used once per customer and will be active through the end of Friday, January 22.

We are grateful to offer this book to you at this price.   

This week's blog special!

We hear a lot about freedom these days. But there is a difference between what the world means by freedom and what the Bibles teaches about freedom. Dr. Rich Ganz has written a timely and biblically insightful book on this subject.  Shepherd Press is thankful to be able to offer you the book Free Indeed,  a needed resource for God's people. David Powlison, respected thinker and biblical counselor, says:

Little children are dependent upon their parents for everything. This includes more than food, clothing and shelter. Children are dependent upon you, parent, for how they view the world around them. The way you live in front of them is the most powerful teaching tool that God gives you. This is teaching in the milieu. God designed families to demonstrate what it means to have a relationship with Him. If you love God, if you sincerely attempt to live your life by His Word, if you recognize that every moment is given to you so that you will glorify and honor God, then you will teach your children these same truths without even thinking about it. Your children observe you, everything about you. They see when you are sleeping, they know when you have been good or bad, they know when you pout and when you shout. In the midst of the turmoil of life your children know whom you delight in. Your kids know this without your ever having to say a word. When you stumble and ask God for help -- they learn. When you stumble and snap or make excuses -- they learn from that, too. If you value your relationship with God above all else, your children will know this, even when you fall short of your calling as a Christian parent.

Parents are famous for telling their children what is wrong about a particular thing or activity. While it is certainly appropriate to warn about dangerous things, it is easy to be fixated on the negative. Inadvertently, this may lead to an inability to encourage positive goals. For example, Philippians 4:8-9 directs the thoughts of Christians towards those things and ideas that are excellent. Noble and praiseworthy thoughts are to dominate our minds. Yet often, when a particular course of action is considered or requested, it is the negative concerns that we focus on. Read Paul's words carefully: