On the other hand, I am not saying that we should not
appreciate--and even, in a proper sense, be attracted by--beauty. But the Bible makes
a distinction between admiration of beauty and sexual attraction. The beauty of
Job's daughters was recognized throughout the land. That is not the same as
saying that people throughout the land desired them sexually. On the other hand,
Proverbs 5:19 speaks of being captivated (NIV) or intoxicated (ESV) by love for
one's wife. Admiration of physical beauty is public and appropriate when there
is no intimacy or lust involved. Sexual attraction, though, is to be restricted
and private.
Unlike the appreciation of physical beauty, biblical sexual
attraction leads to intimate knowledge of the person being admired. Biblical
sexual attraction must involve at least these four qualities:
Worship
of God
Intimacy and pleasure
The purpose of procreation
Expression of
unity in the one flesh relationship
In his book, The God
of Sex, Dr. Peter Jones gives a thorough and compelling biblical argument
for this view of sexual attraction. Biblical sexual attraction goes far beyond
what the world calls sexual attraction, and marriage is absolutely essential if
God is going to be honored when you or your children think about sex.
In this culture, we have the myth of the red-blooded American
male. The idea is that when male or female hormones are at work, sexual
attraction can't be helped; it is involuntary. That may be the world's
understanding, but it is rooted in the humanistic,
Darwinian thought that sex is primarily a biological function and that sexual
attraction is necessary to insure that humans keep breeding. Both your sons and
daughters must be taught that such thinking is unbiblical and displeasing to
God. Sex and marriage are not the products of a long evolutionary process. Rather,
they are part of God's mandate for man at creation to glorify God as he
occupied and controlled the earth.
Christ warns against lust leading to adultery of the heart.
Paul insists that Christians are not to live life as the world does, becoming dominated
by sensuality. Sensuality is what passes for sexual attraction in this culture--but
sensuality is actually the opposite of biblical sexual attraction.
That is why it is vital that sexual activity be rooted in
the context of marriage. Sexual attraction is to be private and deeply personal
between husband and wife. Biblical sexual attraction is not primarily physical
attraction. Look with at me at Proverbs 5:15-21, and you will see why this is
true.
15 Drink water from your own
cistern,
running
water from your own well.
16
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your
streams of water in the public squares?
17
Let them be yours alone,
never
to be shared with strangers.
18
May your fountain be blessed,
and
may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19
A loving doe, a graceful deer--
may
her breasts satisfy you always,
may
you ever be captivated by her love.
20
Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why
embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
21
For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD,
and
he examines all his paths.
Note the personal nature of this instruction. The husband's
thoughts are not to be public, but private. He is not to look at other women
the way he looks at his wife. There is no doubt that the husband is to be
sexually attracted to his wife and her body. But note carefully that this attraction
is not physical at the core. The passage does not say if one's wife meets
certain culturally accepted criteria then he is to be attracted to her. Not
at all. Rather, this view of sexual attraction is intensely biblical and
personal. Since each wife's body is different--in some cases dramatically
different--from other women's bodies, it cannot be the size and shape of her
body that is the basis of a husband being captivated and intoxicated by her. The
four relational components listed above form the basis of the husband's intoxication
for his wife. That is how appreciation of physical beauty and biblical sexual
attraction differentiate themselves. Physical beauty can be admired by many.
But sexual attraction is only for one's marriage partner.
Sexual attraction outside of marriage will lead to lust and,
eventually, torment. It is important to teach this truth to both your daughters
and your sons. In Galatians 5:19-21, sensuality is listed as one of the deeds
of the flesh. The Spirit's fruit of self control is what counters sensuality.
The Holy Spirit's fruit of self control is not the anguished self-denial of
living with unmet desires. Biblical self control is rooted in taking delight
that God has better things prepared for his people in sexual relations than we
can possibly imagine. That is the view of self control that God wants you teach
your children. That is the view they will need in order to withstand the sexual
onslaught of modern culture. What the world offers as sexual attractiveness is
a lie. It never satisfies. It only produces an uncontrollable hunger for more
and more sex. Sexual attraction in this context is simply lust, and it is
destructive to all it controls.
As we mentioned earlier, true biblical sexual attraction can
only be found in the context of marriage. This attraction will feature a love
and worship of God, and an intimacy and pleasure that can only come when two
people are more committed to God than they are to each other. The world knows
nothing of this self-sacrificing intimacy. Don't let your children be sold a
counterfeit view of sexual attraction that involves only physical stimulation
and titillation. God has something far better for them. God is the God of Sex.
Call your children to entrust themselves to him as they think about sex and
marriage.
This article has been tagged with:
Leave a comment