Recently in Teenagers Category

I have had the privilege of speaking with parents here in the U.K. about teenagers the last several days. Despite the different geographic and cultural settings the main issues are the same - how do parents effectively reach the heart of their teenagers? The matters are of the heart are indeed universal. I have been talking about the role of influence in the lives of teenagers. Ultimately, your influence as a parent is the most important tool at your disposal as you help your teenagers to honor God.

The narratives of the Old Testament are a rich resource for God's people. We have been looking at Deborah in the book of Judges. Even though the events of Deborah's life took place over 3,000 years ago, God has things for us to learn from her story. Here are some of the qualities that all of us, and women in particular, can learn from the narrative concerning Deborah.

This is the final post in this series. We have been looking at the implications of Philippians 1:27-2:5 for family living. This is an important passage for establishing guidelines for relationships in the church. As we have seen, this passage also has much to say about your family. Paul begins this section with these words in verse 27:  "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." Then, in chapter 2:5, Paul, in effect, summarizes what he has just said a with this statement: "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus...." Paul's admonition is to conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel by having your attitude be the same as that of Christ Jesus. This challenge is given to the church, and thus to the parents in the church as well.

We have been looking at Philippians 1:27-2:5 the last few posts. This passage is often used to encourage Christians toward godly relationships within the church community, and as we have seen, it is a wonderful principle for relationships in families. In this post, though, I want to look specifically at the admonition in verse 3 to avoid selfishness. In a relational conflict, the default mode is to blame the other person. This becomes more pointed when authority is involved--for example, parental authority. A parent gives a directive or command and a child does not follow this command or chooses to dispute it. Especially if the child is a teenager, this scenario raises the tension level. The parent is committed to standing firm on the basis of his authority. The teenager is just as committed to holding out for fairness and personal rights. Often, what follows is not pretty.

The book of Philippians teaches the church how to relate to one another. These same principles for godly relationships must also be applied to family life in general and to families with teenagers in particular. For example, just the first four verses of Philippians 2 offer powerful guidelines for relationships. Paul is counseling the church to be encouraged with one another by focusing on the love of Christ for them. Many relational problems between parents and teenagers exist because the life-changing message of the gospel has been submerged and lost in the turmoil of everyday life. Here is what Paul says to the Philippians in these four verses:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. NIV

The apostle Paul urges those in the Philippian church to conduct themselves in a manner worthy of the gospel (1:27). The phrase whatever happens is one of those wonderful statements in Scripture that should bring rich encouragement to you every day of your life. The Spirit of God is so confident of the power of his Word (Hebrews 4:12) that he says whatever happens in your life, you have an opportunity to honor Christ by living in a manner worthy of the gospel.

While this charge from the apostle applies to all the many challenges church members face, if you are the parent of a teenager, or are soon to be one, this phrase should have a special meaning to you. Why? Because if you are the parent of a teenager, "whatever" happens a lot! And here is Paul telling you that even when "whatever" does happen, your first response should be to live in a manner worthy of the gospel. This is a compassionate directive that God gives you. With teenagers, it is all too easy to be hurt, angry, dumbfounded, overwhelmed or astonished at the events of everyday life. But no matter how unexpected these events with your teenagers may be, God encourages you to act first in a manner worthy of the gospel.

Importance is a big deal to teenagers. Teenagers are "importance conscious." I know the phrase is awkward, but it fits. Teenagers are concerned about the brand of shoes they wear, the music they listen to, the friends they hang out with, and more. For many teenagers, life is a continual process of ranking what is important. Conflict with parents often arises over deciding what is important. Parents will consider something to be unimportant that is very important to their teenager, and whether the resulting dispute is calm or volatile, each side is astounded that the other side can't see their point of view.

Jacob raises an important question in his comments about "What is a Marriage?"  His asks what is the appropriate role of the state, if any, in determining what makes a marriage binding.  He is asking, in effect, do Christians need the state to validate marriage?  His unedited comments are posted below. 

This is the sort of question for which Christians, particularly Christian parents, must have clear, direct answers. Thanks to Jacob for asking this probing question.  What is the biblical answer? How would you answer this question for your children?  Give it some thought. I will post my response tomorrow.

We are looking at the sharp contrast that the book of James makes between two kinds of wisdom , earthly wisdom and wisdom from above. The difference is sharp and distinct. This, of course, has to be the case since the source of earthly wisdom is demonic and the source of wisdom from above is the Holy Spirit. James does not offer a third type of wisdom, wisdom from the middle. It is only one of the two. That means the stakes are high. One type of wisdom leads to war, the other to peace. Read this section in James again in that light.

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. ¹⁴But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. ¹⁵This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. ¹⁶For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. ¹⁷But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. ¹⁸And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.  James 3:13-18 (ESV)

This passage is the reason I asked you to consider carefully the admonition to be "open to reason" in the last post. The call to be open to reason fits with the challenge that James gives in verse 13. If your desire is to be wise and understanding, then you must show this through a wise spirit of meekness. Too often,  especially when there is conflict with teenagers, parenting comes down to insisting on being right. But you must be more than right. James is just as concerned about being “right” as you are. The difference is that God wants you to show wisdom that is so remarkable it can only be attributed to the work of God. Anyone can argue that he is right. But only a Christian acting in the humility of wisdom from above can demonstrate grace that goes beyond being right. Wisdom from above is the only way to present the grace of the gospel in trying situations. Anyone can be "right" about an issue, while responding with hurt, resentment, or stubbornness in the midst of conflict. But only a Christian, humbly loving Christ more than himself, can put off the resentment and stubbornness, and reach through the hurt to show compassion. Only a Christian clinging to the wisdom that comes from above can be truly open to reason.