Wise words from James regarding your teenagers

Posted on July 2, 2014 · Posted in Communication, Teenagers

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. 


Jesus tells the story of a father and his two sons. The father asks his first son to go work in the vineyard. The first son responds with a defiant no. So, the father asks his other son the same question.  This son, in sharp contrast, respectfully says that he will do what his father asked.


So, on the surface of things, it appears one son is rebellious and one is obedient. This much is true, but not in the way it appears. In the story Jesus quickly adds that the first son changed his mind and actually did as he was asked. The other son never went to the vineyard. 


After telling this story, Jesus asked his listeners which son did the will of his father.  It was the first son.


James tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  Following this direction is exactly what is needed in this scenario. It would be tempting to just take the sons’ first responses and make snap judgments. One was clearly defiant and the other was clearly respectful.  A busy parent might conclude, what more information do I need?


The context of the parable indicates these sons are teenagers or young adults. If James’ counsel is followed some angry, difficult conversations and wrong judgments can be avoided.  If the father had verbally challenged his first son he would not have been slow to speak. By letting things play out a bit he gained valuable insight about both of his sons. Things are not always as they appear.


Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. This is a wise path to follow in dealing with your teenagers. 






Jay Younts
Jay Younts is the Shepherd Press blogger. He is the author of Everyday Talk and other materials on parenting. He has been teaching and speaking on parenting issues for 30 years. Jay and his wife, Ruth, live in Fountain Inn, South Carolina. He serves as a ruling elder at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Moore, South Carolina. He and Ruth have five adult children.