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Understanding Your Teen’s Depression

While it can be tempting to view your teen’s depression as pouting, or simply the result of hormone fluctuations, the truth is that your child’s despondency is an outward expression of internal unrest. It can be tempting to grow impatient with your teen’s emotional instability. Oftentimes, in frustration, parents may resort to trite slogans and superficial encouragements. Even so, a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality is desperately insufficient to help our teens. In fact, any strategy that invites us to rely upon our own willpower for change is a limited resource at best, and painfully destructive at worst, “for not by might shall a man prevail” (1 Samuel 2:9). It’s important to view depression through a biblical lens. […]

The Light of the World

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” —Matthew 5:13-16 What Christ does here is amazing. He who called himself the Light of the World […]

Slow Down and Listen

Foolish responses without listening will make your children disinterested in speaking with you. They will take their conversations somewhere else where they can be heard. If your children are saying “You never listen to me,” it is because they feel you never listen to them. Slow down and listen. There is a perceptive insight in Proverbs 20:5: “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” There is more depth in your children than you might imagine. Drawing those deep waters out requires patience and great skill. It also requires being sensitive to the right moment. There are times when children are talkative and times when you cannot pry anything from them […]

Review of “31 Ways to be a One-Another Christian”

Thanks to Sue Nicewander Delaney and the Biblical Counseling Coalition for this positive review of 31 Ways to be a “One-Another” Christian. “Rich with Scripture verses and biblical examples, the authors’ clear, gentle but poignant style and powerful use of the Word make this a convicting read. Every believer can point to both failed and successful personal relationships. Sometimes our interactions are full of joy, but others may prove to be so difficult that the wisest route seems unclear. The authors’ skillful construction of application questions can serve as a laser that surgically reveals personal responsibility. Scott and Jin urge readers to engage according to the example of Jesus Christ, who clarifies and refines our motives as He leads us. […]

Discipline: Communication and Prayer

Dialogue One of the most destructive aspects of ungodly discipline and correction is the lack of godly dialogue. God has wonderfully provided all the apparatus for meaningful communication with one another. Yet the most life shaping opportunities parents have in their children’s lives are often one-sided. Monologue is not godly communication. Long speeches that try to strong-arm our children with arguments, threats, warnings, and predictions will not change their hearts. It will harden their hearts. All of our conversation with our children should afford them an opportunity to respond—not as peers, but as children interacting with the direction and instruction of parents. We should encourage children to respectfully respond in conversation to help us understand how they are feeling, thinking, […]

From the Archives: Keeping the Gospel Central

Shaming your children is hypocritical. That, of course, is where you will always end up when you are trying to manipulate behavior. If, however, you deal with the heart, you will no longer be hypocritically distanced from your child. You can stand in solidarity with him and his struggles with selfishness. You can put your arm around him and say, “I understand what you are experiencing. I understand selfishness. I have my own struggles with being selfish.” Please note: You are not excusing selfishness as okay since you are selfish too. Rather, you are simply identifying with this common struggle with sin. Not only do you understand the struggle, you know where to go with your struggles with selfishness. You […]

Love for God is the Foundation for Parenting

Our love for God is the foundation for anything we have to say. We cannot impress our children with the fame of God’s name if we are not impressed with him ourselves. If the truths about God’s sovereign power and incredible mercy have melted our hearts and produced a profound love for God, we will impress our children with his awesome glory. If God’s Word is dear to us, it will be important to our children. We must be dazzled by God. We cannot give away what we don’t have. Psalm 34 is an excellent commentary on this point. “Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him” (Ps. 34:8). Here is […]

Three Important Realities

It was 5:36pm on March 27, 1964. Good Friday. At that moment, a 9.2 magnitude earthquake, the second largest ever recorded, struck the coast of Alaska near Anchorage. The shaking lasted for four minutes. The geological disruption was huge and devastating. 131 people died as a result. If an earthquake of that magnitude had struck Seattle, San Francisco, or Los Angeles, the number of lives lost would have likely been in the tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands. This quake is a reminder that life can indeed turn upside down in the relative blink of an eye. It is naïve to think such an event could not happen again anywhere along the west coast of the United States. […]

Life in a Fallen World Requires Ministry All the Time

If you are living in a broken world that is not functioning as designed, and if you are living as a sinner among sinners, then there is no situation, location, or relationship where ministry is not required. You are constantly confronted with spiritual need of some kind. Therefore, it simply cannot work to define ministry as something your church leaders design, program, and schedule. In biblical terms, ministry is not about a time or place. It is a heartfelt willingness to respond to the spiritual need that God puts in my path, anytime, anyplace. This certainly includes participation in what my church schedules, but it must be far more. I must view every dimension of my life as a forum […]

Your Children, Scripture, and Everyday Life

Apply Scripture to Everyday Life Children need instruction to apply Scripture to issues of authority, obedience, conflict resolution, and God-given roles in relationships. Everyday life affords scores of opportunities to connect Scripture to life—from lost book-bags to broken friendships and poor test grades. Scores of training opportunities evaporate without notice as we hurry through our days thinking that devotional time with our children is enough. Our responses to the circumstances and crises of everyday life make our theology real. Bible stories glow with illustrations of children whose knowledge of Scripture translated into obedient, bold action. David’s words to Saul sound naïve and childish in the face of the Philistine army and the terrifying threats of Goliath, “Let no one lose […]