Teenagers

144 posts

Your Stupid Rules!

“All you care about is your stupid rules! You care about your rules more than you do about me! Thanks a lot for not caring.” With these words your 14 year-old storms back to her room. Sadly, this exchange is not unusual. Parents want to protect their children. Their teenagers don’t think they need protection. The parents make rules. The teenagers think the rules aren’t helpful and say so. The parents feel disrespected. The teenagers feel abandoned. The parents tighten up on the rules. The teenagers are convinced the parents don’t care and don’t want to care. And so it goes. Nothing less than wisdom from above can address this breakdown. The Holy Spirit describes wisdom from above this way: […]

Jessica’s Decision

Fifteen-year old Jessica is a good student and popular with teachers and students. One day a teacher notices that Jessica seems down. She asks Jessica if she can help and Jessica shrugs her shoulders and walks off. Later in the day, this same teacher again sees that Jessica is still down. She puts her arm around her and walks with her to one of Jessica’s favorite teachers, a guidance counselor who also happens to teach the health class on sexuality. Together, they ask Jessica why she is so down. Jessica opens up. She tells the teachers that she thinks she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend. She tells the teachers that she and her boyfriend both went through […]

Questions

Young children ask their parents questions. They do this, in part, because parents are the center of their world. There is no one that means more to them than mom and dad. Asking questions is a sign of respect and appreciation. Be thankful. As a parent, you want to keep the questions coming.  If  you become get exasperated with the questions of young children will eventually diminish the type and frequency of the questions asked.  While this may bring short-term relief, it will also result in a diminished relationship with older children and teenagers. How does this happen? By being annoyed with or detached from the questions of younger children will result in only hearing logistical questions from your teenagers.  […]

Christ and consequences

Here is an example of a conversation with a dad and his 15 year old son. Dad has discovered his son is viewing pornography online.  The conversation is a composite one. It might take several talks to get things resolved as they are in this example. But the content and the responses are drawn from real life situations  There are consequences for the son as well as Dad presenting Christ.    “Justin, we have to talk about the images you were viewing on the computer.”   “Dad, I really don’t want to and I am not going to – it is really none of your business.”   “I think I understand why you would say that. I didn’t want to […]

Consequences are not enough

There is a problem with consequences in dealing with behavior. They are not enough. They will not bring change to the heart. What your children need is the gospel – they must learn Christ! That is the point. Severe consequences may yield a change in behavior, but darkness will still rule in the heart. Let’s be clear. Paul says there are only two ways of living or thinking. One way is to follow the natural path of darkness that all people are born with (Ephesians 2:1-3; 4:17-19). The other way is to learn Christ. This is the point that must not be missed. The phrase learning Christ appears only once in the New Testament. In Ephesians 4:20,  Paul says that […]

Preparing for the teenage years

Age thirteen is an important milestone in the life of your child. Your teenager is beginning to emerge into adulthood. These years are difficult; the process of maturing from child to adult is challenging. Think of all that has to happen in a few short years. The parent-child relationship must change from total dependence, obedience and submission to relative independence; respect and honor instead of immediate obedience; and unmediated accountability to God and church, apart from parents.   This is a drastic change. Sometime it seems that within mere moments your child has left home and been replaced with this teenager person. This person is the same one that was born some thirteen years earlier.  But he is also quite […]

Youthful Lusts & Lying

Youthful lusts and lying go hand in hand. Teenagers are unlikely to tell their parents that they want to borrow the car to go to a party for drugs, drinking, sex or looking at porn. No, the story will more likely be along the lines of “… a couple of the guys want to go catch a movie and a pizza. And since Joe is going out of town a I’ll be later than normal, okay? Thanks Dad”! This is what happened with Amnon. He didn’t care about what God wanted. He didn’t care about his father. He only cared about what his father could provide for him—in this case the object of his lust, Tamar.  Notice that Amnon doesn’t […]

Teenagers and quick conclusions, not a good combination

Parents sometimes have heated arguments with their older children and teenagers. I know this is not exactly breaking news. But, here is something to consider.  A heated conversation is a bad time to form lasting opinions. For example, a father has concluded that his son is totally rebellious and has no desire to do anything he is asked to do. This is because in a heated argument his son appeared to refuse to do obey.  Let’s look at both sides of this particular argument.  Scott, fifteen, was furiously finishing up a text message with a friend. He was trying to hurry because he knew he needed to get the grass cut. He was almost finished when Dad saw him in […]

Two questions: ask the right one!

An unexpected temptation arises.  Should you go along or say no: this is the dilemma of having to decide right here, right now. You were not planning to have to make a potentially life-changing decision, but the moment has arrived whether you wanted it or not. What do you do?   You can frame this question based on the immediate circumstances before you. In this case your question will be something like, “What am I going to do?” Or you can move the issue to a larger stage and ask, “What does God want me to do?”   Two questions:   “What am I going to do?”   “What does God want me to do?”   King David chose to […]

Anticipation – the fuel of lust

Lust is a sin that dominates and never satisfies. This sequence is not random. Dissatisfaction is an intended consequence of lust that was designed by the enemy of your souls. Remember that Amnon was consumed by his sinful desire for Tamar. Yet, after he had acted upon his desire and taken her, instead of being satisfied, he was filled with hatred. The Holman Christian Standard Bible translates verse 2 Samuel 13:15 this way: After this, Amnon hated Tamar with such intensity that the hatred he hated her with was greater than the love he had loved her with. “Get out of here!” he said. In desperation, Tamar pleads with Amnon not to send her away. But his hatred was so […]