Explanations often lead to monologues, especially with teenagers. This is not a helpful communication pattern. The goal for good, biblical communication with teenagers is the combination of questions that lead to dialogue. But these questions must come from a genuine interest in your teenagers for who they are, not for what you want them to be. In this context, let me ask you a question. When you need help with a problem, do you look for answers from any random person? The answer is obvious. You ask the people whom you trust and respect, someone who will really listen to you. Let me take this one additional step. Suppose a friend from church calls and asks you for advice on […]
Teenagers
144 posts
Absalom was a troubled young man. He did not present himself as troubled, but he was. He projected power; he manipulated his father, the king. He was arrogant. He was vengeful, taking the life of his brother in payment for the honor of his sister. He had a flare for the dramatic. He had 50 men who ran ahead of him to announce his going and coming. He challenged his father’s leadership by publicly proclaiming that life would be better for all if only he were king. But the real Absalom was not what he appeared to be. Inside he was hurting. He relied on subversion and raw intimidation to achieve what he wanted. He had no answer for the pain […]
In the last post we just considered the first part of this passage. The father in the parable could have made a judgment right after the second son said he would go to the field. After all, the first son was defiant and the second son was respectful. It would seem clear – the first son could be expected to defy his father and the second son could be expected to follow through and honor his father. But as the parable continues, just the opposite actually happened. The expectations formed after the initial encounters turned out to be flawed. This is an important lesson to learn in shepherding teenagers. As parents, it is your natural tendency treat your teenagers […]
Look carefully at this passage and consider what the two sons were your teenagers: “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’ ” ‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. “Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “The first,” they answered. Matthew 21:28-31 Being a teenager is not always easy. This has something to do with why it is not always easy to be the parent of a teenager. As […]
One of our readers asked the following question: “Any thoughts on what a mother can do when the son is trapped in porn and the father is reacting the exact same way as your “what not to do” example? I know my son needs a man to shepherd him through this, and I want so badly for his father to be that man. But my husband refuses to “see” the need to shepherd his son in this way, and I’m feeling helpless between trying to be respectful/honoring of my husband but proactive in helping my son.” Here is the excerpt from the post that the mom is referencing: “You just confirmed that your fifteen-year-old son, Justin, has […]
Music used to honor God can be a very good thing. However, music also has the potential to help establish wickedness as a lifestyle. In Exodus 32:18, “Moses replied: ‘It is not the sound of victory, it is not the sound of defeat; it is the sound of singing that I hear.’” This shows that Israel was again using music to establish and exult in a commitment they had made. But unlike the joy and praise of God that was the focus of the song in Exodus 15, this time the commitment was to wickedness and disobedience. Music was used to celebrate the sinful actions of Israel just as music had earlier been used to celebrate the faithfulness of God. […]
Help your teenagers see how it works out for the world. Teenagers raised in Christian homes in this culture face a difficult dilemma. Mom and Dad have one view of how to live; the world around them has another. It is vital that parents recognize the significance of this battle. For example, Mom’s and Dad’s idea of what is cool might be something like this: believing and loving the Bible, being a virgin, using clean and respectful speech, dress that protects rather than exposes, refraining from buzz drinking and recreational drugs, openly honoring one’s parents. Now put yourself in the place of your teenager. Often, in their world, what I have just described is the profile of a social outcast. It is important to […]
“All you care about is your stupid rules! You care about your rules more than you do about me! Thanks, a lot for not caring.” With these words your 14 year-old storms back to her room. Sadly, this exchange is not unusual. Parents want to protect their children. Their teenagers don’t think they need protection. The parents make rules. The teenagers think the rules are arbitrary and say so, well, not in those exact words. The parents feel disrespected. The teenagers feel abandoned. The parents tighten up on the rules. The teenagers are convinced the parents don’t care and don’t want to care. Nothing less than wisdom from above can address this breakdown. The Holy Spirit describes wisdom from above […]
Joseph was young, most likely still a teenager, when he fled from Potiphar’s wife. Why did he flee and resist sexual sin? Most people would think youth is a liability in this situation. The answer is that Joseph was protected be a combination of wisdom and emotion. Let’s look at Joseph’s encounter with Potiphar’s wife. She attempted to entrap him sexually. She appealed to the immediate situation—no one else was around and she was ready for him, even demanding sex with him. How many teenagers in the church today would have resisted that scenario? Yet there was such a powerful vision of God and his honor in Joseph’s heart that he was emotionally repulsed at her advances. Here is how […]
Few parents readily admit to acting on the motive of selfish ambition–sin deceives us, after all. Notice that Philippians 2:3 contrasts selfish ambition or rivalry with regarding others as more important or significant than yourself: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Parents, do you regard your teenagers as more important than yourself? Before you answer that, let me say that regarding your teenagers as being more important than yourself doesn’t necessarily mean that you follow their wishes. What does it mean? It means that you treat others, including your teenagers, with the respect that Scripture calls for. Your children are a trust, a blessing given to you by God. […]