One way to gauge the effectiveness of your parenting is by the questions your children ask you. You want to be asked good questions. This is an important goal of parenting that is often overlooked. When you need help with a problem, do you look for answers from any random person? Someone next to you at the gas pump, perhaps? The answer is obvious. You ask the people whom you trust and respect. Young children ask parents seemingly endless questions. They do this, in part, because parents are the center of their world. There is no one that means more to them than mom and dad. Asking questions is a sign of respect and appreciation. Be thankful. As a parent, […]
Teenagers
144 posts
Thirteen-year old Jessica is a good student and popular with teachers and students. Her parents have been divorced for several years. Both of her parents have not remarried and handle the visitation settlement reasonably well with Jessica and her two younger brothers. One day a teacher notices that Jessica seems down. She asks Jessica If she can help and Jessica shrugs her shoulders and walks off. Later in the day, this same teacher again sees that Jessica is still down. She puts her arm around her and walks with her to one of Jessica’s favorite teachers, a guidance counselor who also happens to teach the health class on sexuality. Together, they ask Jessica why she is so down. Jessica opens […]
Kevin, a young teenage boy has an opportunity to be alone with Tiffany, a girl with a reputation of being sexually active. If he thinks that he might get caught and his parents will find out, or that he might get a sexually-transmitted disease, he might decide not to be alone with her. However, suppose she entices him into thinking that no one will find out (see Proverbs 7) and that a little fun never hurt anyone. Then, he might be persuaded to be alone with her. Kevin’s problem is that he is being motivated by perceived consequences rather than how he can love God. Selfishly deciding not to be with Tiffany because of negative consequences will ultimately lead to […]
Parents will sometimes have heated arguments with their older children and teenagers. I know this is not exactly breaking news. But, here is something to consider. There is a danger of forming lasting opinions and judgments based on the arguments. A heated conversation is a bad time to form lasting opinions. For example, a father may conclude that his son is totally rebellious and has no desire to do anything he is asked to do. This is because in a heated argument his son defiantly refused to do obey. Dad tells mom later on that he is so disappointed with their son and his bad response. However, if Dad would calm down for a moment and he might realize that […]
You have found out your teenager is caught in pornography. How should you respond? Yes, he has been disobedient. Yes, he has been disrespectful. Yes, pornography is nasty stuff and ungodly at its core. But he, or she, has been trashed and played by lies that deceive and cheapen his very soul. Pornography runs deep, straight to the heart. Your teenager knows that he has been wrong. But he has also been played for a fool. No, he is not a victim. Pornography, was his own wretched choice. But simply telling him he was wrong, imposing consequences, and being personally hurt is exactly what the enemy wants you to do. As Colossians 2:23 teaches these actions, by themselves, are of […]
One of the more remarkable examples of peer pressure or fear of man found in the Bible is the story of Jehoshaphat and King Ahab in 2 Chronicles 18. The Spirit is God was gracious to provide such a clear and vivid account of the dynamics of peer pressure. There is much you can use in the chapter to teach your children about this all too common tendency of making the opinion of others more important than the opinion of God. Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, began his reign by faithfully following God. He was blessed with riches and honor. However, chapter 18 records that instead of continuing to trust God for protection, he formed an alliance with King Ahab […]
The combination of self-seeking motives and being easily angered are effective deterrents against having your teenager believe you when you say you love them. For example, you just confirmed that your fifteen-year-old son, Justin, has been looking at pornography on the internet. You could become enraged. You could be hurt that your son has embarrassed you in this way. You tell him in a loud, stern voice that this behavior will stop immediately and he will be grounded with zero privileges for months. You could also let him know that you are confiscating his computer, phone, tablet and any other electronic devise he has or ever will have. You could tell him how disappointed you are in him. You […]
Age thirteen is an important milestone in the life of your child. At this age your child becomes a teenager. He or she is beginning to emerge into adulthood. These years are difficult; the process of maturing from child to adult is challenging. Think of all that has to happen in a few short years. The parent-child relationship must change from total dependence, obedience and submission to relative independence; respect and honor instead of immediate obedience; and unmediated accountability to God and church, apart from the parents. This is a drastic change. Sometime it seems that within mere moments your child has left home and been replaced with this teenager person. This person is the same one that was […]
The Apostle Paul issues a strong reminder to the Ephesians when he contrasts learning Christ with living like the world. In Colossians Paul demands that we not be taken captive by being and thinking like the world. The difference between living like the world and living for God is Christ! So, there is a sense of urgency when Paul proclaims that the Ephesians should be different from the world – they should learn Christ. As previously noted, this particular language, learning Christ, is the first time in the Greek Bible that there is a directive to learn a person. The clear, but shocking, implication is that if you are not teaching the person of Christ your teaching is just […]
Children tend to lie in two types of circumstances. We looked at the first reason in the last post. The response of immediately trying to deny responsibility comes naturally to us and to our children. Children are fearful of the consequences of their sin and lie to avoid them. Christ must be shown as the one who can bring peace to a fearful heart. It is vital that this pattern be addressed quickly and thoroughly. If it is not, then the habit lying will take root and become a means to other ends. The next progression in lying is to lie when there is something to be acquired. This type of lie can range from trying to make someone else […]