Three Questions

Posted on · Posted in Communication

Here are three questions you should ask yourself about your communication. After you ask yourself, then ask your family these same questions and find our if the answers are the same. Your answers provide insight into the areas where your conversations must grow in-depth and in maturity.

First question:

Do your spouse and your children have confidence that they will be able to say all that is on their hearts without fear of your response?

Is your family accustomed to being cut off or being corrected before they can finish speaking? Do you interrupt because you think you know what is coming? If this is your pattern you are building relational barriers that are difficult to overcome.

Those closest to you need to be able to express what is on their hearts so that you can know how to lovingly and wisely engage them to bring truth and healing to your lives. See Proverbs 18:13 and James 1:19-20.

Second question:

Are you an advocate or an accuser in your daily communication? Do your words create safety or anxiety for your spouse and children?

If you love the way Christ has loved you, you will want to be a refuge and a place of safety for your family. Your goal is to point those you love to Christ, not to condemn them by reminding them how wrong they are. See Ephesians 4:31, Proverbs 16:20-24.

Third question:

Are you able to pray with your spouse about areas in your walk with God where you need to grow?

It is relatively easy to pray to ask God to help your marriage partner. Don’t be tripped up by your own pride — invite your husband or wife to pray for you in the areas where you need to grow. See Ephesians 4:31-32.

Related resources:


Everyday Talk

Everyday Talk


Instructing a Child's Heart

Instructing a Child’s Heart


When Sinners Say "I Do"

When Sinners Say “I Do”

Jay Younts
John A. (Jay) Younts is the Shepherd Press blogger, and is a ruling elder serving at Redeemer Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church in Moore, South Carolina. He has written Everyday Talk, Everyday Talk About Sex & Marriage, Finding the Right Track, the In Touch With Paul stewardship series, and What About War. He has studied and taught about biblical childrearing for 30 years. He and his late wife Ruth have five adult children.