Talking with your teenage son about pornography

Posted on February 8, 2016 · Posted in Discipline, Teenagers


You just confirmed that your fifteen-year-old son, Justin, has been looking at pornography. Following is an example of a conversation that demonstrates what I Corinthians 13:4-7 looks like in action. See how many positive attributes of love you can find in Dad’s conversation.
“Justin, we have to talk about the images you were viewing on the computer.”

“Dad, I really don’t want to and I am not going to – it is really none of your business.”

“I think I understand why you would say that. I didn’t want to talk to my dad about this stuff either. He caught me looking at a magazine once. He screamed at me and told me never to do it again. He grabbed the magazine, stormed out of the room, slammed the door and never spoke to me about it again. Do you think that stopped me from looking at pornography?”

“You did porn?!?”

“Yes, Justin, I did, all the way into college. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to stop, I prayed about it, I felt guilty, but I couldn’t stop. I would always sneak out and buy another porn magazine. I don’t know what I would have done if this stuff had been online like it is today. I always felt awful afterwards but I did it anyway, for years.”

“Well, how … how did you stop?”

“I had a roommate my junior year at State who was a strong Christian. He noticed what I was doing and talked to me about it, much like I am talking with you. He went to his pastor when he was in high school to get help with his own porn struggles.”

“Wow, excuse me, but does everybody do porn?”

“Probably not everyone, but it sure seems that way. His pastor worked through some passages in the Bible with him to help him see that porn is really a nasty lie and it has nothing to do with sex in marriage. All porn can do for a person is to make them miserable and craving for more and more of it.”

“You got that right.”

“The problem with porn is that it looks good and seems exciting, but it is all a lie. The lie is that sex is all about what you want. Porn is really just lust, and it never, ever satisfies.”

“So, did that make you stop?”

“No, I didn’t stop until we did several Bible studies together. They showed me what made the real difference was being able to really know Christ through those studies. To know that he died for the sins of my porn and lust. That he could give me the strength not to trust my desires, but to trust him. That is what convinced me that porn is just another form of lust. It’s nasty stuff.”

“Yeah, dad I know. It makes sick. I had no idea you would understand. I thought you would just get really mad. Do you think you could help me like your friend helped you?”

“Of course. I also need to ask your forgiveness for not helping prepare you better for the attacks of lust. I have been too preoccupied with work and other things and have not been there for you. With God’s help we can work through this.”

Everyday Talk About Sex & MarriageHelp! She's Struggling with Pornography

Jay Younts
Jay Younts is the Shepherd Press blogger. He is the author of Everyday Talk and other materials on parenting. He has been teaching and speaking on parenting issues for 30 years. Jay and his wife, Ruth, live in Fountain Inn, South Carolina. He serves as a ruling elder at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Moore, South Carolina. He and Ruth have five adult children.