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Archive for the 'Discipline' Category

Angry Children and Fearful Fathers

Posted on March 19th, 2019 · Posted in Anger, Authority, Discipline

It is a challenge to patiently, lovingly, firmly confront a child who chooses to go his own way. For some fathers, it is easier to just ignore their children’s need for care and discipline. Other fathers also take an easy path by becoming angry and threaten severe consequences or engage in physical intimidation. These approaches do not honor God. They do not bless the child. These two damaging responses, indifference and anger, stem front the same root cause – fear. Fathers, are you listening? God created men to be confident,.. read more

Discipline: Investing in Your Children’s Future

Posted on March 14th, 2019 · Posted in Authority, Discipline, Parenting

The full value of your instruction to your children will not be seen immediately. If you invest in changing your children’s behavior your investment is only for the moment. Results will often be quick and impressive, but they will also be temporary. When behavior is the goal, how well your children perform is the main indicator of success. Investing in behavior brings immediate dividends such as anger, frustration, and manipulation. In contrast, investing in heart change is investing in your children’s future. Heart change is for life. Pleasant words, consistent.. read more

When your child is hurting

Posted on February 18th, 2019 · Posted in Discipline, Friendship, Parenting, Wisdom

“Mommy, Heather was so mean to me today at school. She laughed at me and told me I look dumb. I thought she was my best friend! I am really, really sad. I just want to stay home and not go back, ever.” Your daughter has just experienced how cruel and sad life can be. Your first thought is to protect and defend her from the cruel words. But, then you want to see how God can use this to prepare your daughter for the difficult challenges that life will.. read more

The Gentle Initiative

Posted on February 15th, 2019 · Posted in Anger, Discipline, Wisdom

It is late in the day and you’re exhausted. Your head is pounding. It’s time to prepare dinner. At this precise moment, a dispute breaks out about who has the gaming screen next. So you do the only thing that seems logical,  you say: That’s enough! I’ve had it. You want dinner? Then sit down, give me the iPad and don’t say another word until I call you for dinner. Do you understand? As if on cue, one child starts whimpering, and the other one defiantly looks at you and.. read more

The Process: From Complaining to Slavery

Posted on January 30th, 2019 · Posted in Communication, Counseling and Discipleship, Discipline

Fourteen-year-old Louis is moody. He constantly complains any time he is not absorbed in his screens. His parents fear for the things he might be viewing when no one is watching. It seems like it has been weeks since anyone has seen him smile. How did this happen? What needs to happen? The immediate, expected response is to demand his screens from him and require him to stop being so grumpy and moody. This plan may attain some temporary relief. But it will not address the real reason for his.. read more

Note to Parents: Sin is a process

Posted on January 23rd, 2019 · Posted in Discipline, Parenting

“How many times have I told you not to do that?!?” “Stop doing that, right now!” “Why can’t you obey and do just this one thing?” “You know that you are not supposed to do that!” “If I hear you say that one more time!!” “One thing, why can’t you do just this one thing?!?” Do these statements sound familiar?  They are uttered, muttered, shouted and pouted when your child just doesn’t seem to get the point: why can’t she just obey! They are statements of frustration and vexation. The.. read more

The Gift of Adornment

Posted on January 7th, 2019 · Posted in Discipline, Parenting, Shaping Influences

The Holy Spirit makes a vital connection between adornment and protection!  You care about your children. You want to protect them from harm. So you take the obvious precautions: you use car seats, you dress them in warm clothing, you install a security system, you take them to the doctor and you do everything possible to keep them physically safe. But what about spiritual protection? Children who are spiritually adorned are also spiritually protected. It is the fear of the Lord that will keep your children from being deceived by.. read more

Are you helping your children to despise themselves?

Posted on January 4th, 2019 · Posted in Discipline, Parenting, Proverbs and the Gospel

Are you helping your children to despise themselves? It is simple thing—you asked your 8-year-old boy to take out the garbage. He doesn’t respond. You reason that maybe he didn’t hear you. So rather than cause a scene, you just ask him later. Then, later comes. So you ask him again, a little more loudly this time. This time he responds and says he will, right after he finishes his game. You tell him you’re good with that and move on. A half-hour later, you see he is still at.. read more

Discipline is About Compassion, Not Retribution

Posted on December 5th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline, Gospel, Parenting

This is part two of a series of posts contrasting discipline with retribution. In the first post of the series, I highlighted this consideration: Biblical discipline must not be seen as payment for the sins for which the discipline was administered. Retribution is not the goal of biblical discipline! In response, the question many of you raised was, “How does this work itself out in everyday family life?” This post will begin to address that question. In the first post, we saw how Psalm 103 provides direction on how to address.. read more

Discipline is Not About Retribution

Posted on November 28th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline

Instilling discipline is huge for your children. Discipline and structure are vital for any child to function well in life. Up to this point, I believe we can all agree that this is precisely what the Bible teaches about the importance of discipline.  However, here is one significant biblical insight that is just as important to grasp: Biblical discipline must not be seen as payment for the sins for which the discipline was administered. Retribution is not the goal of biblical discipline! Correct understanding of this truth is equally important.. read more

Three heart attitudes of a faithful parent

Posted on July 25th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline, Gospel

Parents, if your desire is to see your children’s hearts become responsive to the gospel, the place to start is with your own heart. There are 3 core heart-attitudes to cultivate that will help mold your heart to be God’s  instrument for presenting Christ to your children.  The first attitude is humility.  Humility is the source of the power that you need to represent Christ well to your children.  Humility means that you trust God and follow him. Pride means that you trust yourself and refuse to rely on God’s.. read more

Be Quick to Listen

Posted on July 3rd, 2018 · Posted in Communication, Discipline

Jesus tells the story of a father and his two sons. The father asks his first son to go work in the vineyard. The first son responds with a defiant no. So, the father makes the same request of his other son. This son, in sharp contrast, respectfully says yes, he will go. On the surface of things, it appears one son is rebellious and one is obedient. This much is true, but not in the way it appears. In the story Jesus quickly adds that the first son changed.. read more

What is Obedience?

Posted on June 3rd, 2018 · Posted in Authority, Discipline, Parenting

Obedience is a great privilege, honor and joy. Obedience is not something to use to gain a reward. Obedience is the reward!  No one can make himself more acceptable to God by obedience. This means that your children must not think that you will be more accepting of them if they obey you. I know this seems awkward. So much of your life is about training and teaching God’s truth. But the truth is that one’s own obedience does not make him acceptable to God. The last thing that I.. read more

Fathers, fear, and self-interest

Posted on April 16th, 2018 · Posted in Authority, Communication, Discipline, Parenting

Men, our legacy since the fall is that we tend to either be indifferent or become angry at our children’s sin.  Both responses are dangerous and destructive. When it comes to relationships, men are often intimidated and become fearful, even if we may project the opposite emotions. The two most damaging male responses, indifference and anger, stem front the same root cause – fear and self-interest. We become indifferent in order to mask our fear of not knowing what we should do. We often become angry because we have lost.. read more

The gospel and discipline

Posted on March 23rd, 2018 · Posted in Discipline, Gospel, Parenting

Parents don’t often think of the gospel and discipline in the same sentence. Typically, we tend to think that discipline is what you do now and the gospel is what you hope your children will embrace in the future. But Paul has a different understanding of the place of the gospel. For him, the gospel is the foundation, the hope of all of life for Christians (see Colossians 1:21-23). This means that your parental discipline must rooted and built upon the gospel. Just as you know that you can’t make.. read more

How can you say “I love you?”

Posted on March 19th, 2018 · Posted in Culture, Discipline, Teenagers, Wisdom

She pouted, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you don’t share your secrets with me? You’ve made fun of me three times, and you still haven’t told me what I want to know! You even lied to me!”  She was so frustrated she tormented him with her nagging until he was sick to death of it. One the face of it, this sounds like the man in the scenario is at least partially to blame for being insensitive to his girlfriend. Yes, she was wrong to nag him,.. read more

Discipline or punishment: do your children know the difference?

Posted on February 27th, 2018 · Posted in Communication, Discipline, Gospel, Parenting

There is a huge difference between punishment and discipline. Since children are born wanting to go their own way, every parent engages in some form of correction. That correction will either take the form of punishment or discipline. Punishment is about retribution, payment for wrong doing. Punishment produces insecurity and fear. Biblical discipline on the other hand produces security and peace. The reason for the difference is that biblical discipline is motivated and controlled by love, the love of Christ. Only the love of Christ can remove punishment. As I.. read more

Scolding: how not to love your children

Posted on February 11th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline

Your day is busy, Things are running behind schedule. Amber, your six year old is not responding to your directions. She either responds slowly or not at all. But instead of addressing her disobedience immediately, you have fallen into a pattern of repeating your directions and scolding her for not obeying quickly. You find yourself wishing Amber would just obey so you wouldn’t have to become angry and fuss at her. Then all of a sudden, the light bulb comes on! Amber isn’t the problem, you are. You realize that.. read more

Three truths about discipline

Posted on July 15th, 2017 · Posted in Discipline, Parenting

  There are three important considerations regarding biblical discipline. First, discipline is meant to highlight the unpleasantness of sin. Discipline, must not be confused with retribution. A child ought to be motivated to avoid discipline. It is important that parents respond with pleasant, even words in the course of discipline. This is because it is pleasant words, and not anger, that promotes instruction (Proverbs 16:20-24). Second, the fruit of discipline is not always seen immediately. This is where faith comes into play. Assurance comes from things that are not seen.. read more

Mercy or commendation

Posted on July 5th, 2017 · Posted in Authority, Discipline, Parenting

We humans tend to be quick with our reactions. If we approve of something we are quick to say so. If we don’t – well, we find ways to make that obvious as well. There are exceptions of course, but usually approval or disapproval is immediately apparent. Sadly, we may think that God also is quick to show approval and disapproval. But such thoughts will lead you to misunderstand the character of God and how he responds to your sins and the sins of others. Psalm 103 has some helpful.. read more