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Archive for the 'Discipline' Category

Discipline is About Compassion, Not Retribution

Posted on December 5th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline, Gospel, Parenting

This is part two of a series of posts contrasting discipline with retribution. In the first post of the series, I highlighted this consideration: Biblical discipline must not be seen as payment for the sins for which the discipline was administered. Retribution is not the goal of biblical discipline! In response, the question many of you raised was, “How does this work itself out in everyday family life?” This post will begin to address that question. In the first post, we saw how Psalm 103 provides direction on how to address.. read more

Discipline is Not About Retribution

Posted on November 28th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline

Instilling discipline is huge for your children. Discipline and structure are vital for any child to function well in life. Up to this point, I believe we can all agree that this is precisely what the Bible teaches about the importance of discipline.  However, here is one significant biblical insight that is just as important to grasp: Biblical discipline must not be seen as payment for the sins for which the discipline was administered. Retribution is not the goal of biblical discipline! Correct understanding of this truth is equally important.. read more

Three heart attitudes of a faithful parent

Posted on July 25th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline, Gospel

Parents, if your desire is to see your children’s hearts become responsive to the gospel, the place to start is with your own heart. There are 3 core heart-attitudes to cultivate that will help mold your heart to be God’s  instrument for presenting Christ to your children.  The first attitude is humility.  Humility is the source of the power that you need to represent Christ well to your children.  Humility means that you trust God and follow him. Pride means that you trust yourself and refuse to rely on God’s.. read more

Be Quick to Listen

Posted on July 3rd, 2018 · Posted in Communication, Discipline

Jesus tells the story of a father and his two sons. The father asks his first son to go work in the vineyard. The first son responds with a defiant no. So, the father makes the same request of his other son. This son, in sharp contrast, respectfully says yes, he will go. On the surface of things, it appears one son is rebellious and one is obedient. This much is true, but not in the way it appears. In the story Jesus quickly adds that the first son changed.. read more

What is Obedience?

Posted on June 3rd, 2018 · Posted in Authority, Discipline, Parenting

Obedience is a great privilege, honor and joy. Obedience is not something to use to gain a reward. Obedience is the reward!  No one can make himself more acceptable to God by obedience. This means that your children must not think that you will be more accepting of them if they obey you. I know this seems awkward. So much of your life is about training and teaching God’s truth. But the truth is that one’s own obedience does not make him acceptable to God. The last thing that I.. read more

Fathers, fear, and self-interest

Posted on April 16th, 2018 · Posted in Authority, Communication, Discipline, Parenting

Men, our legacy since the fall is that we tend to either be indifferent or become angry at our children’s sin.  Both responses are dangerous and destructive. When it comes to relationships, men are often intimidated and become fearful, even if we may project the opposite emotions. The two most damaging male responses, indifference and anger, stem front the same root cause – fear and self-interest. We become indifferent in order to mask our fear of not knowing what we should do. We often become angry because we have lost.. read more

The gospel and discipline

Posted on March 23rd, 2018 · Posted in Discipline, Gospel, Parenting

Parents don’t often think of the gospel and discipline in the same sentence. Typically, we tend to think that discipline is what you do now and the gospel is what you hope your children will embrace in the future. But Paul has a different understanding of the place of the gospel. For him, the gospel is the foundation, the hope of all of life for Christians (see Colossians 1:21-23). This means that your parental discipline must rooted and built upon the gospel. Just as you know that you can’t make.. read more

How can you say “I love you?”

Posted on March 19th, 2018 · Posted in Culture, Discipline, Teenagers, Wisdom

She pouted, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you don’t share your secrets with me? You’ve made fun of me three times, and you still haven’t told me what I want to know! You even lied to me!”  She was so frustrated she tormented him with her nagging until he was sick to death of it. One the face of it, this sounds like the man in the scenario is at least partially to blame for being insensitive to his girlfriend. Yes, she was wrong to nag him,.. read more

Discipline or punishment: do your children know the difference?

Posted on February 27th, 2018 · Posted in Communication, Discipline, Gospel, Parenting

There is a huge difference between punishment and discipline. Since children are born wanting to go their own way, every parent engages in some form of correction. That correction will either take the form of punishment or discipline. Punishment is about retribution, payment for wrong doing. Punishment produces insecurity and fear. Biblical discipline on the other hand produces security and peace. The reason for the difference is that biblical discipline is motivated and controlled by love, the love of Christ. Only the love of Christ can remove punishment. As I.. read more

Scolding: how not to love your children

Posted on February 11th, 2018 · Posted in Discipline

Your day is busy, Things are running behind schedule. Amber, your six year old is not responding to your directions. She either responds slowly or not at all. But instead of addressing her disobedience immediately, you have fallen into a pattern of repeating your directions and scolding her for not obeying quickly. You find yourself wishing Amber would just obey so you wouldn’t have to become angry and fuss at her. Then all of a sudden, the light bulb comes on! Amber isn’t the problem, you are. You realize that.. read more

Three truths about discipline

Posted on July 15th, 2017 · Posted in Discipline, Parenting

  There are three important considerations regarding biblical discipline. First, discipline is meant to highlight the unpleasantness of sin. Discipline, must not be confused with retribution. A child ought to be motivated to avoid discipline. It is important that parents respond with pleasant, even words in the course of discipline. This is because it is pleasant words, and not anger, that promotes instruction (Proverbs 16:20-24). Second, the fruit of discipline is not always seen immediately. This is where faith comes into play. Assurance comes from things that are not seen.. read more

Mercy or commendation

Posted on July 5th, 2017 · Posted in Authority, Discipline, Parenting

We humans tend to be quick with our reactions. If we approve of something we are quick to say so. If we don’t – well, we find ways to make that obvious as well. There are exceptions of course, but usually approval or disapproval is immediately apparent. Sadly, we may think that God also is quick to show approval and disapproval. But such thoughts will lead you to misunderstand the character of God and how he responds to your sins and the sins of others. Psalm 103 has some helpful.. read more

Worry, anxiety, obedience and your children

Posted on June 27th, 2017 · Posted in Bible, Discipline, Parenting

Obedience to God is something that is meant to bring comfort and peace to life. The Holy Spirit illuminates his word so that obedience can be the ultimate stress reliever. Jesus urges you to know the relief and refreshment from taking his yoke upon you instead of trying to figure out life for yourself. John says the commands of God are not burdensome. I can hear someone thinking or saying, “Time out! These are not exactly my first thoughts about obedience. What are you talking about?” Well, such an objection.. read more

Repost: The Mercy of Biblical Discipline

Posted on June 13th, 2017 · Posted in Discipline, Parenting

Biblical discipline has to do with love and delight, not primarily accountability and control. Biblical discipline is not about fairness, it is about mercy. Biblical discipline is not about treating children as their sins deserve. Would you really ask God to treat you as your sins deserve? If you don’t want God to treat you with fairness, then don’t make fairness the standard of your parenting. How much of the wonder and mercy of biblical discipline do you communicate to your children? Stay with me here! I am not advocating.. read more

Children: gift or trial?

Posted on July 7th, 2016 · Posted in Discipline, Gospel, Parenting

You introduce your children to a new friend. With a big smile you say, “here is my collection of living, breathing trials. I can’t wait for you to meet them.” Your friend says, “Did you just call your children trials?!?” You reply, “Yes, yes I did. Honesty is the best policy and honestly, trials are exactly what they are, all three of them. Care for lunch?” I know, sort of a bizarre conversation, isn’t it. Or is it? When things are challenging with your children, it is easier to think.. read more

Three marks of effective discipline

Posted on July 6th, 2016 · Posted in Discipline

If discipline is to be effective it must contain at least 3 three qualities. Otherwise the discipline will not result in growth but frustration. It is vital that you, as a parent, see discipline as something that is positive and not punitive. Discipline is not about retribution or getting even. Discipline has the goal of producing peace. Without that goal, discipline becomes a manipulate tool that will drive your children far from you. Hebrews 12:11 provides this positive view of discipline: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than.. read more

Are you stupid?

Posted on June 15th, 2016 · Posted in Discipline

Are you stupid? This is not a pleasant question to ask. Some might even find it offensive. But stay with me. It is easier to be stupid than you might think! In Proverbs 12:1 the Holy Spirit describes what being stupid is like: Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. Hating correction is stupid. Not my words, but the Holy Spirit’s. People tend to like to choose whom they allow to offer correction. This may sound attractive but it is not a good plan. You and.. read more

Whining children, broken lives

Posted on March 29th, 2016 · Posted in Discipline, Ruling Desires, Shaping Influences

Your six-year-old has become so obsessed with wanting his brother’s radio controlled car that he has made himself sick whining and complaining about it. There is a reason the Holy Spirit warns against grumbling and complaining. This familiar scenario does not seem as shocking as the story of a teenager obsessed with pornography. However, the attitudes that fuel the teenager’s lust and obsession are the same ones that control your six-year old. This point must not be missed. You must connect the dots of self-pity in your young children with.. read more

Self-control and your children

Posted on February 16th, 2016 · Posted in Discipline, Parenting, Wisdom

Self-control is the fruit of the Spirit. In other words it is the evidence, the legacy of the Spirit’s work in the life of God’s people. This means we are talking about more than just physical or mental discipline. Any human can show control over these things. But only someone who is born of the Spirit of God can practice biblical self-control. This is why the biblical definition that Ruth Younts gives for self-control is vital for your children. “Self-control is the ability to say no to my wrong desires.. read more

Talking with your teenage son about pornography

Posted on February 8th, 2016 · Posted in Discipline, Teenagers

You just confirmed that your fifteen-year-old son, Justin, has been looking at pornography. Following is an example of a conversation that demonstrates what I Corinthians 13:4-7 looks like in action. See how many positive attributes of love you can find in Dad’s conversation. “Justin, we have to talk about the images you were viewing on the computer.” “Dad, I really don’t want to and I am not going to – it is really none of your business.” “I think I understand why you would say that. I didn’t want to.. read more