”My oldest child is 4 years old and I’ve noticed that he really struggles when trying something new that challenges him. I see it as a ‘fear of failure,’ which I’m shocked that he’s dealing with at such a young age. Is this a form of pride at its core?” Rachel asks an important and insightful question. Pride is a challenging and subtle topic to address in our children and in ourselves. On the one hand, some forms of pride are easy to spot. When someone stands up, beats his chest and screams “I am the greatest,” pride is easy to identify. However, fear is also a form of pride, albeit a subtle one. At its root, pride believes—whether in […]
Ruling Desires
112 posts
What do your children fear? This is a question that every parent must be able to answer. Since children are by nature enemies of God, they begin life without the ability to hope in Christ. This means that they are vulnerable to the darkness and fear of this world. So, the question is not whether your children will fear, but what they fear. This requires that you have an intimate understanding of the way your child views his world. Each child is different. But each is in need of the same renewal and victory over sin that is found in Christ alone. Psalm 62 says this: Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he […]
In the last post I suggested following an incremental approach when beginning to talk about marriage and sexuality; this approach would then culminate in a series of intentional, more structured discussions. These intentional discussions would be the basis for ongoing conversations about marriage and sexuality throughout the teenage years and beyond. The talk that the father in Proverbs 7 has with his son is example of the incremental approach. He took advantage of a situation when it presented itself. The more formal, intentional discussions have their basis in passages like Genesis 1-2, Psalm 139, Song of Solomon, and Ephesians 5:25-33.
The narrative of King Jehoshaphat and King Ahab in 2 Chronicles 18 provides insight into the dynamics of peer pressure. When you or your children yield to peer pressure you are, in effect, dividing your loyalties between God and man. This double-mindedness simply does not work. It results in decision making that is not sound. Many sins that young people become entangled with begin when they yield to peer pressure. The story of King Jehoshaphat demonstrates that young people are not the only ones susceptible to this problem. As we noted in the last post, Jehoshaphat should have realized that forming an alliance with Ahab was extremely unwise, but in the face of the feast given to honor him, Jehoshaphat […]
This post is the last one planned for this series, which is also the lengthiest series to date. I have taken this much time because the issues of lust and unquenchable desires are taking a heavy toll on Christian families. While pornography and teenagers have been the focus in this series, the cravings of the flesh extend to almost every area and every age of life. The fires of lust are fanned when the demands of toddlers are not challenged, but gratified, tolerated or overlooked. Children who are self-focused and allowed to indulge in self-pity become primary targets for sensuality. And, as Don Fields observed in his insightful comment, perhaps many parents are still trying unsuccessfully to free themselves from […]
The phrase learning Christ appears only once in the New Testament. Paul uses this phrase when he contrasts the church and the world. In Ephesians 4:17-19, he describes what people naturally learn because of the desires of their hardened hearts that follow the world (Ephesians 2:1-3). Then, in Ephesians 4:20, he says that the Ephesians did not come learn Christ that way. In the context of verse 20, those who are alienated, separated from the life of God–in other words, the world–learn darkness, not Christ. Thus, sensitivity becomes impossible. That darkness produces futile thinking. Those who think and live like the world are dominated by darkness, futility and sensuality. So Paul says that this is not the way they learned […]
This series of posts is dealing with the impact of lust on Christian families. As we have seen, lust is a sin that impacts all of life. Its demands are relentless, the guilt is dominating, the anticipation and desire for things that will never satisfy is consuming. Lust also attacks relationships, especially between parent and child. Talking about lust is not a favorite topic of conversation between teenagers and parents, but as Proverbs 6:20-24 teaches, the words of parents are key to preventing sexual sin in the lives of children. When you discover that your teenager is viewing Internet pornography, the way you respond is important. We have already looked at one type of response that is not helpful. Here […]
In the last post we examined the case of a 15-year-son who was caught viewing pornography on the Internet. I described one possible way of addressing this issue and asked what was missing. Jo weighed in with her comment. Her answer – the gospel. She is right, and she offers some helpful thoughts on this problem. But I want to stress that when we say the gospel is needed, that does not mean there is no further work to be done. As Paul worked with great energy to teach what the gospel meant, so parents must also seek God for the wisdom to bring Christ to their children. The schemes of the world are crafty and deceptive (Ephesians 4:14 and […]
The apostle Paul was concerned about the power of lust. In Ephesians 4:11-24 Paul talks about new life in Christ and the essential role that the church plays in the lives of believers as they become more like Christ. In the middle of this section (verse 17) he interjects a strong, emphatic warning that Christians should no longer walk or live like the world. To give an example of being like the world, the Holy Spirit (through Paul) focuses on those who are controlled by lust. The world is dominated by what it wants. Since those wants are evil, deceptive, and at cross purposes with what God wants, then following those wants will lead to hardness of heart, entrapment, and […]
The “lust cycle” is a pattern of thought and behavior that holds many captives in the church. Some are older, respected members of the church and community, while others are teenagers overwhelmed by uncontrolled youthful lusts. In the last post we analyzed the lust cycle in some detail. Understanding this vicious cycle is an important step toward breaking free from its grip. Thus, failure to break free from lust often stems from attacking the wrong part of the cycle, with weapons that are inadequate for the job. Allow me to explain. Remember, what drives lust is anticipation. The act of lust almost never satisfies. Giving in to lustful desires usually produces responses like that of Amnon. Once he had taken […]