Joy in sadness

Posted on · Posted in Parenting, Wisdom

“Mommy, Heather was really mean to me today at school. I thought she was my best friend! I am really, really sad. I just want to stay home and not go back, ever.’

Your daughter has just experienced how cruel and sad life can be. Yet through all of this she can know and experience joy. To do this she needs the Holy Spirit’s fruit.

What brings joy to you profoundly impacts your children’s understanding of joy. Biblical joy is unique. It is the Spirit’s fruit. It cannot be reproduced apart from his work. There is, of course, joy that manifests itself in the human spirit. It comes from being encouraged by positive, happy circumstances. That is good, but there are limitations. Human joy needs a flow of positive circumstances to sustain itself. In contrast the Spirit’s joy can be described this way:

“Joyfulness is believing that God will work all things together for my good, so I never have to despair. I can be joyful even when I am sad.“

With the power of the Spirit, joy and sadness can coexist. Sadness, even grief, does not have to diminish true joy. The rich mercy and grace of God is always reason for joy. God has promised never to leave you or turn away from you. Because of this great truth we can know joy even in sadness.

Joy of this kind is not natural. It will not just magically appear. This joy is exclusively the work of God’s Spirit. But it still needs to be taught by example. If you see a lack of joy in your children., check your own spirit first.

When you become discouraged, angry and bitter your children see this. You teach them that joy has limits. You teach them that the disappointments they face are reasons to flee from joy. You teach them that functionally the love and mercy of God are not always sufficient. Yes, pain is real, but so is the faithfulness of God. This is what your kids need to see lived out before them.

“Sweetheart, remember that Jesus is your friend who will never turn away from you. I know Heather hurt you. But we can pray for her. What really matters is that even though people may hurt us, we can be joyful that God will always love us and take care of us. Come here, let’s ask God for help to be joyful.”

Pray for joy for you and your children. Pray this prayer with your children:

“O Father, thank you that Jesus died to take away sin and sadness and that you always care for me. Help me to be joyful, even in times when I am sad. Thank you that everything you do is good and right. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Prayer and definition of joyfulness taken from Get Wisdom! by Ruth Younts.

Related Resources:

Instructing a Child's Heart


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Jay Younts
John A. (Jay) Younts is the Shepherd Press blogger, and is a ruling elder serving at Redeemer Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church in Moore, South Carolina. He has written Everyday Talk, Everyday Talk About Sex & Marriage, Finding the Right Track, the In Touch With Paul stewardship series, and What About War. He has studied and taught about biblical childrearing for 30 years. He and his late wife Ruth have five adult children.