When your children ask you questions, that is a good thing. You probably have surmised that from this current series of posts. What you may not have concluded yet is that questions should be actively encouraged. This attitude is analogous to being a good hunter. A good hunter must go to where he thinks his game might be, but he must also get everything ready so that his meal will come to him. By the same token, walking up to your teenager and saying, “Would you like to ask me a really important and intimate question about something you’re struggling with?” will not yield much of a response. The opportunity to respond to significant question begins years in advance. Hunters […]
Communication
243 posts
Listening is a skill of wisdom that can only be acquired by a heart that has been changed by the gospel. Your listening, to be effective, must be gospel-centered. I’m sure someone is asking, “What in the world is gospel-centered listening ?” It is listening to others with the heart attitude of seeking to understand what they are saying so that you can respond to them in a manner that honors Christ. There are two sides to serving others in this way: first, you must listen well, and second, you must speak well. Proverbs 18:2, 13, 15, & 17 address listening, and Ephesians 4:29 addresses speaking.
Your teenager is facing a difficult decision. He is unsure of how he should respond. After trying to figure out what to do, and becoming more and more frustrated, he decides to ask you, his parents, what you think he should do. Sadly, for too many families, this is the one scenario that would not happen. What would be the case in your family? Do your teenagers eagerly reach out to you for advice and direction? Or are they closed about personal decisions? Do they seem reluctant to seek your thoughts? Some of you, at least, will fit into this latter category. How did this happen? How do children grow not to trust their parents? I believe that at least […]
In the last post we began to examine Tedd Tripp’s third concern for parents today – communication. Tedd raised two principles that must govern communication in the home. The first is the advantage of using quiet words in instruction. The next principle is the advantage of using few words in communication. Many words are not a sign of wise speech. Proverbs 10:19 teaches that when words are many sin is not absent. In the interview, Tedd also referenced Ecclesiastes 6:11 which says: The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone? What a clarifying concept! The piling on of words does not profit anyone. Like loud language, verbose communication may indicate a lack of clarity […]
In my recent radio interview with Tedd Tripp I asked Tedd to give four truths that he believes are important for families in today’s world. The first two truths were 1) understanding the importance of formative instruction and 2) establishing a biblical view of authority. Next we will consider Tedd’s third point: communication. Communicating biblically is crucial if parental authority is to be effective in achieving God’s objectives. It is one thing to establish that authority is needed. It is another to communicate that authority in a loving and engaging way. The parent who says in an angry voice, “You must obey me. God says so!” is not communicating in a helpful way. The Scriptures teach that pleasant words promote […]
Sin is deceptive. Parents, this is one truth that should never be far from your thoughts. Sin never presents itself for what it is. Anger appears to be a just response when one is wronged. A lie seems to be the easy way out of a difficult situation. This is the nature of sin. It seems to be the right thing to do at the moment. No matter how long you live, sin will present itself in this way.
Most Christians try to avoid bad language. Few would intentionally train their children to use obscene, foul language, even though culturally foul language has become an accepted part of everyday speech. Movies, television shows, and sporting events have become common venues for four letter expletives. So, there is no question that children are exposed to indecent talk on a regular basis. Seventy years ago, in Gone with the Wind, Clark Gable uttered the first curse word in a popular movie. How things have changed!
In a recent post I described a stressed mom talking to her son, Joshua. This mother was correcting Joshua for complaining. And it was essential that his mom give him both correction and direction. Let's take another look at that example and consider in detail how a mom could respond more helpfully. For this illustration we will assume that remedial verbal discipline was the appropriate response. Just saying that phrase–remedial verbal discipline–sounds heavy and confrontational, invoking memories of lectures and sharp tones. Correcting Joshua about complaining was not a pleasant task, but one of heaviness and duty. Complaining is not good; it is not trusting God, and it is not making Mom’s life any easier. The other siblings heard Josh’s […]
Despite your best efforts, there are times when things don’t appear to go well. You attempt to be encouraging, but your words are received cynically. You back off from communication to ease tensions, and you are perceived as being aloof. Whatever you do is taken to be the opposite of what you intended. Such scenarios sometimes occur with grandparents. Because your children's grandparents are also your parents or parents-in-law, these tensions may have existed for years. You believe that giving up is not an option, but that is the only thing you are certain about. So what do you do? Thankfully, biblical principles are available about conducting relationships. You cannot control what your parents do or say, but by God’s […]
In the last post on grandparents we looked at a scenario in which visiting grandparents is an occasional event. That is, perhaps you visit back and forth once or twice a year. This post deals with more frequent contact, such as when grandparents live close by or there is a visit lasting several weeks or more, which means contact on a daily, or nearly daily, basis. The principles we looked at in the post on visiting grandparents also apply here, but it is even more important to have good clear communication lines established when there is regular contact over a longer period of time. You should still do the four column worksheet mentioned earlier. In addition, you and your spouse […]