When you have an argument you have a choice: you can win or you can love. The word “love” in this phrase seems awkward and out of place, doesn’t it? The conventional wording is you can win or you can lose. But as with other things in the Christian life, God’s ways are radically different than our own. The idea that an argument or discussion is about winning or losing is flawed at its core. God has called us to honor him with love and not be focused on winning or losing arguments. What a novel thought! Instead of winning arguments the Holy Spirit calls you to love, that is to be patient, not be rude or self-seeking, not to […]
Communication
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Do your children feel led or pushed? Are you as a parent dominated by love or frustration? The two questions are tightly connected. Leading is born out of love and pushing is born out of frustration. As parents we may tell our children that we demand obedience and speak sharply because we love them and only want the best for them. Most likely our children are not buying this explanation. It feels to them as if they are being manipulated into doing what mom and dad want. But God has better way. Proverbs 16:20-21 calls it pleasant words. Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. 21 The wise in heart are called […]
Solomon makes an important observation about your facial expressions. Yes, words matter. They must be used with skill and grace. But you have other significant ways that you communicate with your children. One of them is by your countenance. Positively or negatively, the look on your face makes a difference. Proverbs 16:15 describes it this way: In the light of a king’s face there is life, and his favor is like the clouds that bring the spring rain. In countries ruled by kings, a king’s smile was a big deal. A king had absolute authority. He literally had the power of life and death. So, the smile of the king was a welcome sight to his subjects. In Israel if […]
The gospel is about grace; school is about performance. The gospel is about receiving compassion; school is about earning grades. The gospel is about resting in the power of Christ in failure; school is about trying to avoid the shame of failure. The gospel is about acceptance in Christ regardless of performance; school is about gaining acceptance because of performance. Skilled and loving teachers and parents will work hard to bridge the gap illustrated by these comparisons. However, it is important to grasp that no matter how sincere one’s efforts may be, children can easily think that performance is more important than the gospel. There is a biblical balance to be deployed when considering the tension between the gospel and […]
Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Or asked another way, if I do stay pure, where is the fun in that? These questions are daggers pointed at the hearts of your kids. It is foolish to ignore them. It is equally foolish to answer these questions by simply enforcing rules and being angry at wrong behavior. Let me explain. Following God by living a life of purity is a path that marks teenagers as social misfits in our culture. As a parent, you have to get this! Psalm 73 unveils the emotional battle your kids face with clarity. The boundaries of purity contrasted with a culture that mocks purity can lead to a response of bitterness in your […]
The demand for instant gratification is destructive. This pattern, if not stopped, will result in a life dominated by the desire for immediate gratification. Immediate gratification is the gateway to a life of destructive, abusive relationships, pornography, substance abuse, abusive behavior. If you hear your child frequently complain or grumble, you are hearing a child who is becoming a slave to his own desires. Sin feeds on the desire for immediate happiness. That is why a child can go from seeming bliss to outrage in an eye blink. One moment everything is fine. Then he sees his brother with a toy that he wants and he immediately erupts with a howl that sounds like he is being tortured. Why? Because […]
Dads, God calls you to be active and not reactive in raising your kids. Ephesians 6:4 is a familiar verse, maybe almost too familiar. Here is what Paul says: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The phrase “bring them up” is not just a throw-away term. It is actually the same wording used earlier when Paul says husbands should “nourish and cherish” their wives just as they do for themselves. This meaning puts an active focus on your involvement. The idea is not just to give instructions and come back later to see how it all works out. No, this emphasis on nourishing means proactive care. […]
James 3 warns about how dangerous your words can be. But you already knew that. How many times have you wished that you could grab back the hurtful words that have raced from your lips; careless, angry words that have produced distance from those you love? Fortunately, James 3:13-18 describes what makes your words so destructive and provides the Holy Spirit’s alternative. You can either speak out of wisdom from below or wisdom from above. How does this work? Wisdom from below frequently masquerades as concern for righteousness. It’s focus is on being right. If you are right nothing else matters. Obeying God and avoiding evil becomes the motivation that justifies frustration, irritation and confrontation with your children or even […]
The first obligation of any parent is to love God with all that you have to give. This is the meaning of the words in Deuteronomy 6:5-7 where the Holy Spirit, through Moses, instructs parents how to lead their children to follow God. Nothing less than a full-on commitment to love God is in view. These words are passionate words! God calls for you to be all-in when it comes to telling your children about him. God will not be an after-thought or an add-on to your parenting. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” You are to love God with everything that you are as a person: […]
Communication is part of everyday life. Perhaps nothing else brings such a combination of joy and frustration than the way we communicate with each other. Here are some biblical guidelines to make your communication more productive and effective. Check your Heart Attitude Consider others more important than yourself. Philippians 2:3-5 Let love be in control Love is patient, love is kind. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts. From 1 Cor. 13:4-7 This passage is not a test to apply to your spouse as a defense, but a reality check for your own heart. Be an Epic Listener Don’t answer with your words or […]