It is late in the day. You’re tired, no, make that exhausted. Your head is pounding. It’s time to fix dinner. At this moment that seems the equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest in flip-flops and beach shorts. And at this precise moment a dispute breaks out about who has the gaming screen next. So you do the only thing that you seems possible. In a sharp, stern voice that is loud, but not quite yelling, you say: “That’s enough! I’ve had it. You want dinner? Then sit down, give me the iPad and don’t say another word until I call you for dinner. Do you understand!” At which point, one child starts whimpering, and the other one defiantly looks at […]
Communication
243 posts
When there is interpersonal conflict we are often discouraged because our intentions are misunderstood. What we must remember is that our intentions don’t count. The person you are talking with is not a mind reader. What matters is how are our thoughts perceived. An intention that does not translate into being a benefit to someone is a rotten intention. Ephesians 4:29 Don’t let a single rotten word come from your mouths, but rather, whatever is good for constructively meeting problems that arise, so that your words may help those who hear.
I Corinthians 13:5 shows three patterns that are the enemy of truly loving your children. These patterns will bring anger, frustration and brokenness. They are also connected; one leads to the other. Let’s look at each one: Love is not self-seeking It is foolish to assume that what pleases you and what pleases God are one and the same. For example, do you want a house that is quiet and orderly? Why? Because that is pleasant to you? Or do you want a house full of energy and exuberance? Again, why? If your goal is to satisfy your own preferences and personality, you are not setting an example of love. The goals you set for your home must first and […]
It is important not to miss the struggles your teenager faces each day. She is often functioning without immediate and constant parental supervision. New and sometimes dangerous influences enter his life. This is the scary part. It is no secret that sex, drugs, pornography, bullying and gambling have all made their way into the teenage world. So what can you do to shepherd your teenager without giving them a lie detector test each afternoon and attaching a body cam and GPS to them? Here is one answer: Become an epic listener! Here are some practical ways to become an epic listener: Fall in love with Proverbs 18:13. Don’t form responses in your mind or with your words until you have […]
Have you ever said something like this to your kids? “Sorry I was upset. You know that I love you, but I am just so frustrated right now!” The words, “I love you,” are buried in the middle of this defense of an angry outburst. They are familiar words. But familiar words often lose their impact and may become background noise to your children. More is needed than just words, than saying “I love you.” Real, tangible actions must accompany the words of love. I Corinthians 13 says that love is patient. A working definition of patience is living in the expectation of God’s care. Patience and frustration are polar opposites. If love is patient, then frustration is not an […]
What causes stress with your teenager? The easy answer is that if your teenager was more respectful, if he would just do half of the things you asked, if she would actually listen, if you mattered half as much as the phone, things would not be so stressful. Of course there are some things that you need to work on, but the bottom line is your teenager specializes in making life difficult. The problem here is the assumption that the teenager is in control. Everything is dependent upon the teenager doing what is wanted or expected. The parent’s action is controlled by what the teenager does instead of what God commands. Really? Yes, really. James says that fights and quarrels […]
Your children know everything about you. They see when you are sleeping, they know when you have been good or bad, they know when you pout and when you shout. Your kids know all of this without your ever having to say a word. When you stumble and ask God for help — they learn. When you stumble and snap or make excuses — they learn from that, too. If you value your relationship with God above all else, your children will know that as well. What does this have to do with being Santa’s helper? Just this: in Psalm 72:18 we read that “God alone does marvelous things.” However, at Christmas time, for little children someone else is portrayed […]
Somehow the idea of pleasant words combined with discipline or instruction seems a little strange. Most memories of being corrected don’t evoke happy or pleasant thoughts. Often correction means stern or harsh warnings, even when given with the best of intentions. However, in the Proverbs instruction is to be received as precious jewelry, something to be worn with honor. How does this happen? Proverbs 16:20-24 provides a guide for how to make your instruction valuable. Solomon stresses the obvious, but neglected value of instruction. Those who pay attention to instruction do well. Understanding is like a fountain of fresh water to those who are thirsty. Instruction flows from wise lips and is to be desired. This description of loving understanding […]
“Hey mom, Jeremy is upset.” “Okay Sarah, I’ll be right there.” The real story here is what mom is saying to herself. “Here we go again. Sarah is always making Jeremy upset. I can’t finish anything without somebody having an issue.” “Dad, I’m really sorry I messed up and forgot to cut the grass. I’ll get to it right after lunch. Sorry dad.” “Aaron, when is this pattern going to change? You need to start being responsible. Don’t make promises you can’t keep!” What dad is thinking: “I can’t believe this kid. Always an excuse. At least I didn’t yell at him. I just hope he gets his act together before its too late. I’m getting really tired of this.” […]
You give your wife flowers and say you love her, but she remains distant. You apologize to your teenager for being angry and tell him you love him, but the barriers are still up. You give your middle-schooler an expensive birthday present with a note that says “I love you”, yet her smile is only half-hearted. Is the answer more flowers, a bigger and better present, a more sincere apology? Probably not. However, there is one thing you can do that will demonstrate the genuineness of your love. You can listen well. When there is an argument it is all too easy to think you know what the other person is thinking even before the first word is spoken. The […]