You are angry! Your son just had a minor accident with the car, your golf game for tomorrow got canceled, your neighbor called to remind you your grass is too high and you can’t stop thinking that your boss is giving you too much work and not enough appreciation. You are raising your voice, your face is flushed. If one more crazy thing happens, you will explode! The kids are bracing for the next outburst. Then you feel the buzz from your phone. You look and see it’s your boss, the one who doesn’t appreciate you. You answer the phone in a calm, relaxed voice and tell your boss you were just thinking about him and how can you help. […]
Anger
34 posts
It is a challenge to patiently, lovingly, firmly confront a child who chooses to go his own way. For some fathers, it is easier to just ignore their children’s need for care and discipline. Other fathers also take an easy path by becoming angry and threaten severe consequences or engage in physical intimidation. These approaches do not honor God. They do not bless the child. These two damaging responses, indifference and anger, stem front the same root cause – fear. Fathers, are you listening? God created men to be confident, compassionate, caring leaders. But then, there was the fall. While Eve chose to verbally engage the serpent, Adam, who was with her, chose not to protect his wife. Instead, in fearful […]
Gentleness is God’s answer to conflict. Gentleness is the quality you need to present God’s truth fairly, accurately and effectively to your children. Gentleness is part of the Holy Spirit’s fruit which stands in direct contrast to the works of the flesh. In Proverbs, we learn that gentleness turns aside wrath. Paul tells Timothy to instruct his opponents with gentleness. James describes gentleness as displaying wisdom from above. Jesus describes himself as gentle and humble of heart. These are five robust examples of the power of gentleness: Gentleness stands against the deeds of the flesh. Gentleness turns aside wrath. Gentleness instructs those who oppose you. Gentleness demonstrates wisdom from above. Gentleness describes the heart of Christ. Gentleness is the forgotten […]
It is late in the day and you’re exhausted. Your head is pounding. It’s time to prepare dinner. At this precise moment, a dispute breaks out about who has the gaming screen next. So you do the only thing that seems logical, you shout: That’s enough! I’ve had it. You want dinner? Then sit down, give me the iPad and don’t say another word until I call you for dinner. Do you understand? As if on cue, one child starts whimpering, and the other one defiantly looks at you and says, “that’s not fair!” You find yourself somewhere between despair and overload. With iPad in hand, you turn back to the kitchen. Somewhere in your deep consciousness, you find yourself […]
How many people do you think of as being less significant than yourself? Sounds a kind of arrogant, doesn’t it? Okay, how about this? Are you irritated by people who don’t do things as you think they should be done? Or are you often irritated at how self-centered other people are? Do you feel “put out” with people close to you more than you feel drawn to serve them? These are indications of self-importance. Not a pleasant thought! Being irritated with people leads to anger. That anger may lead to bitterness and cynicism. This produces the sin you didn’t see coming: self-righteousness. When you become consumed with irritation toward other people, you become self-deceived and self-righteous. The sin of […]
I don’t like correction. There I said it. I like to be right. More importantly, I like it even more when you think I am right. By admitting these things I have also shown a propensity for stupidity. This is but another reminder of the danger of being wise in my own eyes. If I care most about being right, I care most about myself. This desire to be right is destructive to relationships, especially relationships in families. This is not wisdom but stupidity. If I am to learn, I must first love discipline and rebuke. When I recoil at the correction and rebuke of those closest to me, I make myself weak. Instead of trying to find a way […]
Your teenager is talking to you. You hear his words but they really don’t sink in. You are frustrated with him because he won’t do his chores and he is being disrespectful. He is actually trying to tell why things are hard for him. You are focused on not being visibly angry and attempting to act like you are listening to him but your hidden anger drowns out his words. Trying to act like you are not angry will not rescue you from the trap of anger. Anger builds a toxic barrier between you and your son. This danger is easy to see if there are patterns of yelling and angry outbursts. However, holding the anger in may appear less obvious, […]
Anger: sometimes it just feels right. Anger is happy to assume its place as your advocate, your defense against unfair actions. And we are all too happy to welcome it. It just feels right! When your spouse is insensitive, when the kids are selfish and squabble constantly, anger stands ready to come to your defense. When others are selfish, anger is there to encourage you. When your pride is wounded, anger offers its supposed “healing power”. But the reality is that when human anger is embraced, good things will not happen. But what about righteous anger? Paul says in Ephesians 4:26 that in your anger you should not sin. So, since it is possible to be angry and not sin, […]
Biblical discipline is an expression of God’s love and mercy to his children. As God lovingly, gracefully disciplines us, we as parents are to give this same warm discipline to our children. It is vital that you, as a parent, see discipline as something that is positive and not punitive. Discipline is not about retribution or getting even. Discipline has the goal of producing peace. Without that goal, discipline becomes a manipulative tool that will only provide separation with your children. It is just as huge that you administer discipline with pleasant, even words. This is because it is pleasant words, and not anger, that promotes instruction: Pleasant words promote instruction (Proverbs 16:20-24). Angry words will not produce and promote […]
Why do your children fight? The short answer is, the same reason you do! They fight because they do not have what they want. As adults, we think we have moved beyond childish selfishness, so we have developed “mature” reasons for the arguments that we have. However, if you strip away the adult “sophistication” of our arguments, you will find that you are not much different from your children who squabble over a favorite toy. We believe the lie that if we are hurt a robust defense is justified. Getting into a fight seems like the right and necessary and “real” thing to do; we have to protect ourselves! We are like our children. The hard truth is that you […]