The Christian life is so much more than avoiding negative things. It is primarily about engaging in thoughts and activities that bring honor to God. In Philippians 4:8-9, Paul urges Christians to focus on things that are excellent and praiseworthy. Here are two examples: Two young children are fussing and complaining. Negative response: “Why can’t you two just be quiet! Being noisy and fussy is a distraction to everybody in this house. I don’t want to hear any more unpleasantness, and I mean it! Do you understand?!?” Response that encourages excellence: “God’s Word says that we should be thankful for each other. Sarah, Ethan, remember that we talked about things we can be thankful for about each other? Well, this […]
Communication
243 posts
Do you want your children to see you as someone they can trust? Do you want your spouse to take comfort in just being with you? Are you easy to talk to? Is your family hesitant to talk you when they are hurting? If someone in your family messes up or is in trouble are you the person that helps him feel secure and safe, the person that she knows will help make things right? You want to be able to answer yes to these questions. In fact, you sometimes get angry and hurt when those close to you don’t seek your help. Ironic, isn’t it? Here is a biblical quality that can help you become the go-to […]
Young children ask their parents questions. They do this, in part, because parents are the center of their world. There is no one that means more to them than mom and dad. Asking questions is a sign of respect and appreciation. Be thankful. As a parent, you want to keep the questions coming. If you become get exasperated with the questions of young children will eventually diminish the type and frequency of the questions asked. While this may bring short-term relief, it will also result in a diminished relationship with older children and teenagers. How does this happen? By being annoyed with or detached from the questions of younger children will result in only hearing logistical questions from your teenagers. […]
If you can’t tell the difference between a log and a speck you are a hypocrite. Well that sounds easy enough. Anybody can recognize a log, but you need a magnifying glass to find a speck. How dumb would I have to be to be a hypocrite? Do you really want to answer that question? Imagine someone walking into a room, knocking over future and breaking windows with a log sticking out of his eye. Then after half of the furniture in the room has been destroyed the log-bearer announces that he has come to remove a speck from your own eye. Your immediate response would be to get this hypocrite out of your house before he destroys the rest […]
This is an important question. Do your children say thinks like: “I’m really glad Dad spoke to me about that; I really needed his help.” “Mom, thanks for caring enough to keep me out of trouble.” The purpose of biblical authority is encourage and build up ( 2 Corinthians 13:10). But sometimes our children are last ones to recognize this. Here are three principles to help make the exercise your authority a blessing to your children. First: Listen well so that you can speak well. Commit yourself to be a skilled, aggressive listener. Your goal is to be able to repeat the words you hear back to your children in such a way that they can affirm that you really […]
How can you know if someone is your friend? This is a crucial life skill that you and your children must master. Failure to discern who is a genuine friend leads to being manipulated and used. This may result in bitterness and a crippling inability to trust others. God has provided tools in Scripture so that you can recognize genuine friendship. Becoming intimately familiar with passages that teach what friendship in action looks like is a way to start. I Corinthians 13:4-7 is such a passage. Another place to look is in the Proverbs. Most Proverbs should not be read as commands but as reliable observations about life. For example look at Proverbs 12:18: “The words of […]
Parents sometimes have heated arguments with their older children and teenagers. I know this is not exactly breaking news. But, here is something to consider. A heated conversation is a bad time to form lasting opinions. For example, a father has concluded that his son is totally rebellious and has no desire to do anything he is asked to do. This is because in a heated argument his son appeared to refuse to do obey. Let’s look at both sides of this particular argument. Scott, fifteen, was furiously finishing up a text message with a friend. He was trying to hurry because he knew he needed to get the grass cut. He was almost finished when Dad saw him in […]
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV From the context of this verse, it is fair to say that what Paul considers to be an unwholesome word is any word that does not benefit the hearer so as to build him up. This covers much, much more than just four-letter words. It includes all those words that tear down. Paul’s direction to you, parent, means that you must understand how your words will impact your child. Are you aware of speech patterns that you have that will exasperate your child? Will […]
Gossip is a sin that is rarely confronted. Gossip destroys families, close friendships, churches, and reputations. It ends careers and shatters lives. All that is needed to set gossip in motion is this enticing setup: “Did you hear about…” These words are an invitation to destruction. Don’t allow yourself to be part of an ugly communication chain. Perhaps this illustration will help make things clearer: Someone comes to you and instead of saying “did you hear about…” he says: “Let me tell you about the marriage I am helping to destroy.” Or, how about this one: “I am going to tell something that will absolutely devastate a good friend of yours. I don’t know […]
Just to be clear, I understand there are times for righteous anger. We could stand to experience more of this type of anger. But this post is not about righteous anger. It is about the anger that deceives, that makes you think your anger is justified, something to feel good about. So when a child, a teenager, a spouse, or a coworker crosses an arbitrary line we feel totally justified in letting them “have it.” We cover our sin by saying, “I know I shouldn’t be angry, but sometimes you just have to say enough is enough.” This sort of language and rationalization will receive a hearty amen from the Satanic cheering section. We think we have been strong, when […]